Episode 06: Sasha The OF Girl

In this episode MP and I speak to 'Sasha' a relatively new girl to Only Fans. She talks to us about the ins and outs of using Only Fans as a platform, what she gets out of it and how well it works for her. Sasha and MP give out some great tips for all you newbies out there looking for some general advice to help you get started. They also discuss the do's and dont's when it comes to promoting yourself and getting your content out to a larger audience. There's also a little treat at the end of the podcast for anybody that might need it. Stay sassy.

Transcript (Auto Generated)

Welcome ladies and perverts to the My Wife is a DOMINATRIX Podcast.

Coming to you from a dimly lit dungeon somewhere in the UK with your hosts, Dan Vandal and his very demanding wife, MP, a real life dick punching DOMINATRIX.

What's the weirdest thing a DOMINATRIX has ever been asked to do?

Hmm, I wonder, have you ever dreamed of owning your very own sexy time dungeon?

Yes, you have, you dirty boy.

Do you have any idea how difficult it is to get a DOMINATRIX out of a latex catsuit?

Spoiler alert, it's like wrestling an enraged baby oil covered chimp out of a trash bag.

Anyway, I'm getting sidetracked.

Join us to find out the answers to all the questions you've never asked yourself and more by simply stroking that follow button like a good girl.

Now strap on, I mean strap in, lube up, and get ready to be blown away.

Take it away, Danny my man.

Welcome, welcome, ladies and perverts, to the brand new podcast, My wife is a DOMINATRIX.

And today, we are joined by Sasha, the Only Fans girl.

That's me.

That's you.

And of course, the very beautiful MP.

Hello, motherfuckers.

Really?

Every time.

You need to get much better at doing this.

Hello, motherfuckers, is that better?

That's loud, is what that is.

Squeaky chair.

Squeaky chair and a loud chick who's been drinking Prosecco?

Something like that.

How's your week been?

My week?

My week has been busy, online, quiet, in real life because I'm taking a week off.

Yeah, you are.

I am, for once in my life.

How's that going?

In my DOM life.

Yeah, it's been okay, actually.

It's been nice.

I've actually been able to do things when I don't normally get to because I'm time restricted and busy getting dressed up and chatting shit and bossing people around.

It's been nice to just sort of have this time to chill.

You've been doing some like everyday human stuff, like swimming.

I know, who'd have thought?

I was surprised I didn't melt when the water touched me.

This is very true.

How about you, Sasha?

How's your week been?

How's my week been?

My weekend was crazy because I was drunk the whole weekend.

Uh-huh, I know.

As per usual.

I was here drunk a bit.

Other than that, it's been quite busy online.

Yeah?

Online's been busy.

Lots of Skype calls, lots of Snapchat calls.

Yeah, you do a fair amount of that, don't you?

I do.

Keeps you busy?

Yeah, it keeps me very busy.

Making some good bank?

Gives me too busy sometimes.

Well, that's good, right?

Yeah, my phone dies in like four hours.

Yeah, but you have a real-time job as well, which we won't go into.

And you also just ventured into Only Fans, right?

I have.

How are you finding it?

It's a lot.

It's a lot.

There's some different people there.

There is, yeah.

There's some different, different people out there.

It's a lot of hard work, right?

I think you put a lot more into it than you do using any other sort of social media platform.

A hundred percent.

I've got rid of all other social media platforms apart from Only Fans and Twitter.

Yeah.

Because I can really be myself.

Yeah?

Yes.

I can be my naughty sexual self then.

Dirty slutty self you mean, right?

Yes, the slut within.

The inner slut.

Yeah, well that's good though, right?

You need to have time for yourself as well as putting time aside for business.

And I think social media takes an awful lot away from everyday life, doesn't it?

You suffer with that a lot, MP, don't you?

Yeah, all the time.

I really suffer badly with it.

It takes over, doesn't it?

I can't do a lot when I'm in DOM mode online because it just takes away from everyday things.

Like I'll be in the middle of a session and then I'll come out of one and then I'm straight back in.

And it's, yeah, it can be really overwhelming sometimes.

It can be like, I'll go from doing a real life time session to then going online and doing a session.

And then it's just like one after the other, after the other.

And you're just like, it gets to like 11 o'clock at night.

And you're like, okay.

And that's the day done.

I'll see you again tomorrow.

It's the swapping, the swapping between the being your dirty slutty self and then talking to Nan on Facebook.

I can cope with it.

I can't, I can't do it.

With a dildo inside.

Oh Nan, sorry, wrong call, wrong call, Nan.

Then we start to swap over.

I find it so hard to do.

Like I have to really zone out where I'm gonna like talk to my vanilla friends again.

And now I think they're starting to be like, gosh, she's a bit of a freak now.

Like I am different.

Yeah, I'm distant.

Like with my friends, I'm very distant.

Like I used to speak to my friends every single day, and now I speak to them like once a week.

I speak to my submissives every day.

Because I spend most of my day switched on in DOM mode.

Because I don't really take time off.

So I find that difficult.

But this week I've been reconnecting with people and stuff.

And it's been nice.

I just need to work out that balance.

And I've been speaking to another DOMINATRIX really popular one, Miss Tess online.

And she's fantastic.

Really well established.

I'm doing it six years, very popular.

Has some really good subs.

Has given me loads of great advice.

And she just said, you really need to schedule posts.

You need to take more time out for you.

Burnout is a real thing.

And just sort of manage your schedule a bit better because this isn't always real life.

Like it is part of your life.

And you've got to remember that you've also got a real life.

And that I've started to close my Twitter inboxes.

I've started to shut down other avenues for people to get hold of me because it was just nonstop.

I would switch from app to app to app to app to app.

And so now I'm only focused on Twitter and Only Fans myself.

And sometimes about life because not everyone uses Twitter.

But yeah, those are my three main ones at the moment because otherwise I get too overwhelmed.

I'm just forever swapping apps and I forget who I've spoken to.

And so I said, if you want to contact me, go through My Only Fans or you go through my email on my website and you book a Sasha.

And that's it.

That's so hard.

I find it so hard when people are like, oh Sasha, we had such a good time last time.

Do you remember all the stuff we did?

Your app's sleep failed.

Let's do it again.

I think, oh no fucking no you are.

Who are you?

Who the fuck are you and what did I do?

They're like, oh, do you remember me?

You're like, oh yeah, you had such a big, handsome dick.

Such a handsome dick.

I don't think there's such a thing as a handsome dick.

Excuse me?

No, there is no such thing as a handsome dick.

Right, so everything you say is a lie now then.

I don't think vaginas are over particularly pretty either.

No, vaginas look like a piece of squid, but dicks, I feel like really.

No, I feel dicks are ugly.

No, you've got like big, bulbousy tops and veiny, and the balls and the, no, I don't look at dick and thing.

Oh, that's a beautiful dick.

I'm like, whoa, that's a monster.

You've always said my dick was beautiful.

I'm sorry, I lied.

Oh my God, I love dicks.

Well, I'm gonna get you a t-shirt for that next time we go out.

I love dick.

That'd be a great t-shirt.

So do you reckon then that Only Fans has sort of changed the whole sex industry almost?

You know, the way we consume porn and that sort of stuff.

Yeah, it's nice in the fact that women can actually start charging on a platform, a bit like AVN though.

That's the same similar platform and both the same sort of thing.

I went down the Only Fans group because it was more popular and I felt like it was easier to use.

But as I'm using Only Fans, I do get a lot of glitches, uploads don't work.

It can be really slow.

It's really slow.

I've got lots of friends who are saying you need to get on Admire Me.

Yeah, I've heard of it, yeah.

If you're British, Admire Me is...

There's loads and loads of different ones that have just come out.

So I don't know if Only Fans is gonna forever be a big thing.

I know there's a few millionaires on there, but it's a very small percentage that people that actually really make huge, huge money from it.

And it's the numbers game.

I think that's really damaging to mental health.

Yeah, but that's the same with all social media though, isn't it?

Like it's got to the point now where likes have almost become a currency.

Yeah.

Like people genuinely view likes.

An emotional currency, yeah.

They genuinely view likes like they do cash in their account now.

Yeah, like it's validation.

Which is obscene.

But Only Fans, yeah, it's given women and men a chance to charge for their content.

As opposed to just putting it all out there and on Pornhub and stuff, and it's just free.

Although Pornhub, you can now, people subscribe to you and pay in subscription and stuff.

And that's how it should be.

You should be able to monetize.

I don't think that pornography should be free.

I think if you want to indulge in it, you should have to pay some sort of fee or service, or you know, these are people who need to make money out of it.

People don't come into sex work and think, oh, I'm just going to do this for free.

What's the, no.

You could not have told me that at 16.

No, I mean, everyone's taken photos and videos of themselves when they were younger, and they've regretted it.

But if you'd made a bit of money on it, it would have easened the guilt and the pain.

You couldn't have got me at 16 to pay for porn.

No, that's true, yeah, no.

I was like, all right, what's free?

What's big?

What's, I know, you would literally just watch the crappiest crap, wouldn't you?

Like amateur hour thing, you'd be like, ooh.

Generic porn, there is.

100%.

But I feel like it's given a better platform to be able to make money from, and you can be yourself as well, also in your profile.

You don't always have to pretend like you're something that you're not, which is quite fun.

You can sort of show your personality in it, which is quite, you know, quite good.

I think it's nice, because I, you know, I'm not writing all over my Facebook, God, I'm fucking horny today, who's up for a bit?

Yeah, you don't look like a massive slapper in the summer side.

And everyone's like, God, you seen her from school?

Look at her now.

She's a slut.

What a bitch.

Oh, just thinking it.

Yeah.

So what, where do you-

But now we can charge those people at school who used to be like, yeah, let's get a free pick.

You're like, okay, we'll jump on the Only Fans.

I know for a fact that I have someone on my Only Fans that was in my year at school.

Brilliant.

Seriously?

I'm not joking, I think a couple of my exes are on Only Fans.

Honestly, there's people on there that join, but they never like anything.

They miss that person.

They just lurk.

They just lurk.

Just sit in the dark corner and angrily masturbate.

Oh, let that one slip away.

She's the one that got away.

She did.

But now I can see her online.

So what platforms do you use then to advertise your social media, advertise your Only Fans?

How are you getting people there?

We were talking about this earlier how Reddit, I think, is gonna be a bit more popular soon.

Reddit is the one, is it?

Reddit is full of crazy Americans who love British pussy, so.

Yeah, they love it.

BPs forever.

I'm just saying.

Bipolar.

That's what you get over in Britain, guys.

Just like a BP.

Yeah, depression.

British pussies and bipolar.

So you just read it then, Twitter?

Twitter, yeah.

I get most of mine from Twitter.

Instagram?

Instagram a little bit, and I get some of that life.

So it's a mix.

I don't advertise too much everywhere.

See, I've heard this one thing about Instagram, is that you can't even use hashtags of Only Fans or anything that's remotely similar to Only Fans, because they'll just blanket ban you or-

You can use Only Flans.

Or they'll shadow-

Only Friends.

Only Friends.

Or they'll shadow ban you.

But Twitter's fine with it.

They don't care, do they?

You can put what you want on Twitter, right?

You can post your whole spam purse and the insides and the contents, everything.

Yeah, and they don't mind.

They're just like, no, it's fine.

You can put anything up here on Twitter.

You can get shadow banned, though.

You actually can.

And there was, not long ago, they were removing people's profiles, like completely removing profiles and everything.

If you had a bum or a fanny, that's vagina in England, or like your tits out, then you could get banned from the site, and you have to start your account over and over again.

So loads of people were locking their social media so that it was more private, so people couldn't access it.

Yeah, it was a huge thing a couple of months ago.

I actually know a few girls as well that have private Twitter profiles so they don't get banned.

But then the stuff I see on Twitter, I'm like, how?

I know, Amy showed me a few of the things on Twitter, and I'm like, what the fuck?

Every morning.

We've all seen that now, Sasha.

He's got to the point where I've seen enough of your vagina.

Every morning, I log on to my Twitter, and I'm just bombarded by pornography.

There's transsexuals, there's male male.

Is that why you always wake up with a boner?

There's just pussy after puss, there's-

That can't be healthy though, can it?

That shouldn't be the first thing you see when you wake up.

Like you're meant to, I think, like for mental health, well-being, is I don't think you should touch social media for the first hour after you wake up.

Yeah, but I sit in bed, and I do it, and I'm just like, oh, here we go.

Regardless, I don't think you should go on social media.

I don't, I go, which one of my subs has messaged me good morning?

He's getting a treat.

Oh, just a little treat, little tease.

No, I don't.

What does he get?

Nothing, just a cute little picture of me in bed, and my little nightie.

And your night, what are you, 90?

A nightie?

I wear sexy nighties, okay?

Oh my God, is there such a thing?

Yeah, oh God, yeah.

And well, you know, you know my look when it looks cutesy, sweet, bear titty in the nightie.

Bear titty.

That's ridiculous.

Anyway, one of the statistics I've read on the Only Fans website is that 55% of their social media traffic comes from Twitter, which is massive.

Yeah.

I didn't know that.

Well, it's cause you can post anything.

You can do a preview of you shoving your fingers inside yourself for two seconds.

You're like, you wanna see more?

And they're like, muah, log on to this.

And anything goes.

So you can watch the most weird shit.

And even if that's not turning someone on, they're fucking intrigued.

Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, I crack an egg on my tits.

They're like, I wanna see that boil.

I wanna see that fry.

Oh my God, imagine that out in the sun today.

Let's do it.

Oh my God, that's brilliant.

That would work today, wouldn't it?

Yeah, it would.

What, what, you got 26 degrees or something?

Yeah, and I feel like the yolk would be good for your skin.

What about a little avocado, muster?

So your first weeks then, apparently first weeks on Only Fans is meant to be like your real good, is it first week?

No, first month, sorry.

First month, yeah.

It's meant to be your real good month, isn't it?

Not for me, must be ugly.

No, my first week was good, but I think that's because, yeah, because you're enthusiastic, you're full of...

Beans.

Yeah, you're full of beans, you're like, hey everyone, everyone who ever wanted to fuck me, look, now you can see me on the internet doing things that you wish you could do to me, but I'm not gonna let you, but you can watch.

I was like that on cam for my first week.

No, I remember my first night on cam, I was so buzzing my tits off that I stayed up all night.

I couldn't sleep.

I was literally shaking.

I was so excited by it.

Really?

And I made like good money overnight.

Like we're hitting the K's on the first night.

Over a grand.

Yeah, like on my first night.

But I think it's because I was so enthusiastic.

Whereas now I get on there and think, fuck me.

Here we go again.

Here we go.

Here we go.

What sort of weird are we gonna get?

It's like the Russian roulette on cam.

Oh no, I just wanna find like the easiest underwear I can get off really, really quickly.

Whereas back then I was like, oh, let me get the full kit on.

Watch me take it off.

They don't even care.

They just like, just wanna see Fanny in a big fat dildo in it.

Yeah, they like put something up there.

Just anything.

What have you got near you?

What about Maro?

Gherkin.

Oh, Gherkin.

So you said a minute ago that Only Fans is, it's a bit glitchy and like stuff doesn't upload and stuff sometimes.

Yeah, it's so annoying.

You can spend like the best part of 10 minutes uploading a video.

Not 10 minutes.

Yeah, a whole 10 minutes, but it's really annoying.

No, I think it's longer.

If you're gonna upload a video and send it to 30, 40 people, it takes forever.

Yeah, it does, it does.

Although sometimes it refreshes and it's gone.

And you're like, wow, fuck me.

Thank you.

And you're like, what's that caption I put with that then?

I have to think it all over again.

And it's the fact that they take a percentage as well.

And you're like, I'm paying.

Well, anyway, I looked into this.

I looked into why it takes so long.

You know, why it's a bit glitchy and stuff.

In 2019, they had 60,000 creators on there.

Which is quite a lot, right?

Yeah.

This year, do you know how many there is?

Oh God, a million.

Yeah, exactly.

There's 1 million creators on there.

And 85 million users.

So 85 horny blokes.

Yeah, but it's not all sexual stuff.

Or blokes that are into...

It's not all sexual though.

It's 95% pranks.

Some people just do like gym and music.

I've seen someone play a guitar on there, and I was like, they've got more fans than me.

But 85 million is mad.

That's all the people in Canada, Australia, and Kazakhstan.

It's all those people added together.

In perspective, that's a lot of people.

Yeah, but people are just horny, dirty monsters.

We've all got vaginas and dicks though.

Look, we don't have a lot in common in this job, but that is something we do.

Well, that's a lot of people, and that's in the space of a year and a half.

That's mental, isn't it?

It's because people think it's easy, and people sign up.

No, it's because of coronavirus.

Well, it's not just that, but it is people see other girls doing it, and they're like, oh, I could do this, I could do this.

Do it for a couple of months, realize it's actually not as easy as they once thought it was.

Yeah, hard work.

There's only so many times that you can do the same vagina shot.

Yeah, you've got to mix it up.

You have to find a niche, I think.

You either have to find a niche or you have to be particularly very beautiful or very interesting.

You don't even have to be pretty.

You've just got to be interesting.

You've got to have a personality.

If you can be one of the best looking girls in the world and not have a personality, you won't do well because people aren't interested in a still picture.

They want something behind it.

They want access.

They want interaction.

They're paying to interact with you to say, hey, baby, have a look at my dick and tell me how big it is.

And you're like, it's pathetic.

And they're like, yeah, tell me again.

And you're like, you've literally paid me $5 for this, for me to berate your tiny penis, sir.

Oh yeah, so to clarify, you guys both do the opposite ends of the scale when it comes to Only Fans, right?

One of you is a meanie.

And the other one of you is a...

I mean, so everyone knows you're a DOMINATRIX, right?

Sasha, what do you do on the Only Fans?

I'm cutesy.

I'm dirty.

I'm that slut next door.

Do you mean the girl next door?

No, I'm the slut next door.

But yeah, I feel like the more I'm doing it, the more dominating I'm becoming.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I feel like that might be more of a real life thing though, because the fantasy for me is being the slut.

Being passed around.

Like a hookah pipe.

Like a hookah.

Bastard.

Jesus Christ.

That's frightening.

She's having an influence on me.

She's making me feel like, right, these men need to be abused now.

Yeah, I just had enough of their shit.

That was it.

I'm getting there.

Your penis is small.

You can say it how it is.

They're like, can you do a nice dick rating?

I'm like, oh, that's a lovely three inches, five out of 10, could do better next time, Pop It.

It's disgusting.

Thanks for coming.

I'm getting disgusting.

Did you know?

The average wage of an OnlyFans person.

Like the mean's average wage.

I don't imagine it's that high.

If you go for a percentage, yeah, it's not gonna, for the effort that people put in, I don't reckon it's that high.

It's 145 pounds a month.

Okay, we're doing all right then.

If you're making 145 pound a month, then you're doing, you are meeting the average OnlyFans wage.

That's not a lot of money for getting your fanny out.

Well, I did the maths because I'm weird.

And you'd have to spend 20 minutes a day for a month in order to make that 145 pounds minimum wage.

That's pretty doable, isn't it?

20 minutes a day.

It's a nice hobby.

Yeah.

That's like a hobby.

Yeah, it's a hobby.

I have a really serious job.

I've got a little kink on the side.

Yeah.

Then it's like.

It's not career changing though, is it?

It's not, yeah.

It's not career changing.

No.

That's a decent night out.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's not bad, is it?

20 minutes a day, and you can have like a proper bender at the end of the month.

Uh-huh.

Bender a week.

20 minutes a day?

Yeah.

Nah, fuck that.

See, I'm, no.

My value is higher.

I'd be like, nah, I wouldn't even put any effort for that.

Sorry.

Would you?

No.

I would.

No.

Okay, well, you can start your own Only Fans.

Coming to Only Fans is Dan Vandal.

Really loud.

Sorry.

Do you need the headphones?

No.

Right, so on your Only Fans, you can put an Amazon Wishlist and stuff in there as well, can't you?

How's that going?

Yeah, it's all right.

It's fine.

Mine, mine started out really good.

So when I started, I was like, right, let's put stuff on here that men want to imagine that you want.

So I'm getting some really beautiful dildos.

I'm getting like gorgeous underwear, fucking heels up to my fucking ass.

Like really, like really sexual things.

Now, I've got like a fucking air fryer on there, a toasty machine.

Like, this is a show really well.

Yeah, I've got a camera on there, a GoPro.

It fits on my bike.

I'm like, how about we actually get the things that I need now, because I'm so sick of putting on all this underwear.

Rather than stuff that just goes in and around my fanny, I also need some new handlebars for my motorbike.

Yeah.

I started off like that.

But then the good subs like that, they want to look after you.

They want you to have a good time in life.

They want you to have a good toasty.

They want you to make your chips really work nice.

You know what I mean?

They do.

Please send Sasha a FRI machine immediately.

You're really angling for that toasty, aren't you?

Look guys.

Send me a toasty and I'll show you me fanny.

That's what you can do on Cam next.

You could do a little campaign.

We'll show fanny for toasties.

But I will.

I'm not even ashamed.

No, as long as it's something really like posh, like a posh toasty.

Oh, like a Breville.

Yeah, not like an Asda one.

No, I can't.

You want a Breville toasty maker.

100%, like when I put my air fryer on that, it was like the best air fryer I could find.

I've got two.

Have you?

Oh, maybe I need to get on that in a bit.

I'll let you have a go on it.

Oh dear.

You can have a go on that after you've used the fuck machine.

You can earn yourself a go on my air fryer.

Well, look, 20 minutes a day for a month, and you can buy your own one.

Yeah, I know.

But things come up.

You end up spending so much money on stuff to make materials.

Yeah, underwear.

Like, you get stuff bought for you, but at the same time, you go on a shopping trip, and you're in Aston, you're like, oh, this underwear.

Oh, Primark.

Oh, this.

Oh, this dress.

Oh, this.

Oh, this.

Oh, this.

And then you're like, oh, shit.

There goes all of the money that I have just made.

Sometimes I try to go budget, though.

I'll go around Aston and be like, oh, that aubergine.

Oh, that cucumber.

Oh, that mango.

How long does it take to get paid from Only Fans?

Is it like a monthly thing, or what do you have to do?

Do you have to like drag it out yourself, or what?

You have to earn over a certain amount.

I think it's $250.

Doll hairs.

And then you can withdraw it manually and put it into your bank, but it does take up to a week, so five to seven days.

Sometimes it's super quick, and it can be like three days.

Oh, so you can pull it out whenever it gets over 250.

I can pull it out less.

Really?

You have to set it so that you can pull it out less.

If you carry on talking, I'll check.

Okay, yeah, we can do that.

That's fine.

I'm very money hungry, so as soon as it's available, it's on my account.

You're cock hungry as well.

Right, so, I forgot what I was gonna say now.

Yeah, so like ease of using the site and the amount of time and effort you have to put into compared to what you get out of it.

Would you say it was worth doing?

Everyone has their own niche.

I don't feel like my niche is Only Fans.

My niche is Skype calls, Twitter, interaction.

And do you advertise that stuff on your Only Fans?

I'm gonna make people laugh and then come.

Minimum withdrawal, sorry, it's $20.

Oh really?

Yeah, I totally messed that one up.

Fuck that real bad, didn't you?

I did.

Sorry, Only Fans people, she didn't mean it.

You'd be really sad if you were just drawing out $20.

You're like, no, all right then.

Why?

Everyone's got to start somewhere.

Oh man, man, man.

Carry on, sorry.

Yeah, what were we saying?

Oh yeah, I was asking, yeah, like effort and time that you put into compared to what you get out of it, is it worth it?

And you said, no, I'm like a cam whore or something, I've forgotten.

Mm-hmm, that's exactly what I said.

I zoned out.

I'm a big fat slut.

No, I just like having that interaction with another person.

What, like face to face, well, face to face live, I guess.

Face to face cam to them typing or when they're on come back.

Yeah.

That's how I get my kicks, so I think that shows, people know.

You know what I mean?

If he's like, gosh, he is actually a bit interested, it's like, oh yeah.

Where do you have to hide that stuff?

On Twitter or stuff?

Twitter.

And on camming, sometimes people will be like, oh, have you got social media?

And I'm like, yeah, here's my Twitter.

Then they'll see I do it privately.

I can't like advertise it on.

What was the other thing you said?

Cam it.

Camming.

She does adult work as well.

She can do it on adult work.

So she'll go on the adult work cams, won't you?

And then try and drip feed.

And then sometimes if you get a good one, then they're like, oh, I really enjoyed that.

Have you got Only Fans?

And then.

Do you get like a five-star rating on Yelp?

If you do it well.

No, you have reviews on adult work.

Yeah.

You have reviews.

I don't.

Right, right, right, right, right.

So you can just put on there like Sasha, lovely accent, wonky fanny, three out of ten.

Yeah.

So they're like that.

But generally.

Drips up at the side.

Funny goes sideways.

Looks like a punch lasagna.

What?

Yeah, but then it can be like you can have a really dodgy person that leaves you bad with you, and it can muck everything up.

Yeah, 100%.

I had someone on there actually a few weeks ago, and he just put boring as fuck.

I was like, you're fucking boring as fuck.

I spent him for like three seconds.

I was like, what?

Because my fucking legs weren't spread above my head when you clicked on me.

I was boring.

Oh my God.

Wow, that's brutal, isn't it?

Yeah, people are rude.

Maybe you should have done it like a balloon trick.

A magic trick.

That should be your opening act.

Like, ba-da!

Yeah.

Here's a pigeon that's come out of a hat.

Do you think I'm boring now?

Suddenly produce a dush hound blow up animal.

Yeah.

That'd be nice.

Vagina aragami.

Out of your vagina.

Vagina balloon animal art.

That's one of the only fans we need to get on that.

We do.

That's a niche.

That is me.

That's a category.

I mean, they do the puppetry of penis.

We could do the ballooning of the pussies.

That would be a thing.

This is, yeah.

Oh, this is taking a really weird turn.

This is filled up with queef.

I'm not sure anyone's gonna wanna play with that.

You wanna bet?

Yeah.

There's a market for everything, Dan.

No, I don't wanna think about that right now.

That's already making my stomach turn.

You've started doing some camming.

Am I saying it right?

Camming.

Camming.

Yeah, camming.

Yeah, you started doing some camming.

I do.

Yeah, a little bit.

Not like Sasha, no.

I don't get my fanny out, so.

Yeah, but you do the-

Yeah, you're proud of that.

You do DOMINATRIX.

Yeah, it's more likely them to get their fannies out.

Also, for the record, they often don't get to the stage where you get your vagina out.

Because they're just so-

Excited.

Excited by the thought of you stripping off, and then you have to think back, and they're like, they're fucking gone.

Jizz, do you ever see them jizz?

All the time, I see jizz a lot in a day.

I live a milky world.

Right, so talk in schematics, then.

When this jizz part happens, where does it go?

On their hands.

No, he means like, okay.

Yeah, no, like where does it go?

It can go one of two ways.

It can go, they literally just hang up as soon as they come.

No, he means where does the jizz go?

Oh, right, yeah.

That in their hands, on their stomachs, that, and then they suddenly be like, thanks, boom, and then just go.

I worry that it would get in my keyboard.

No, no, they don't do it on their own computer.

They do it on their phone.

They're led in bed.

Yeah, they're led in bed.

Oh, see, I'm thinking like, when I've got camera, I forgot what it's called, camming.

When I've got camming in my head, I thought it was like a set up like we have with webcam and all that.

Just because you sit there and wank on your computer doesn't mean that's not what everyone else does.

I don't wank, that's what I've got YouTube for.

I have this thing here.

I assume that everyone else had the same sort of, and they're jerking off onto their keyboards.

No, it's generally just, yeah, it's always a stomach jobby, and well, I get my guys to eat theirs up.

That's why there's coming instructions.

They're like, please don't.

And I'm like, if you don't do it now, you'll never speak to me again.

They're like, yeah, but don't you find a lot of them request it, but they don't follow through.

They want to eat their cum, and then they get the post-cum clarity, and they're like, fuck that shit.

They're like, I'm out, boop.

Oh, that's haunting.

Yeah, Jesus fucking Christ.

Yeah, but look, everyone has a different kink.

Yeah.

We have to be open to everything.

We have to be open to people eating it.

I can't lie, I want to watch it.

I want to see it.

No one's ever followed it through with me.

Oh, really?

Oh, you've got to come to my session.

You did, you saw her the other day.

You came in on my session.

What are you talking about?

You saw her in real life.

Yeah, I know.

She jumped in a session with me.

When was that?

Last week.

Yeah, last week.

Last weekend?

Last week, yeah.

Last week.

And she actually saw the cum being eaten.

Yeah.

Yeah, he had no regrets either.

He was starving by the looks of it.

He's a nice fella, nice fella.

This skinny fella from somewhere.

Yeah.

From somewhere.

From somewhere.

Somewhere abroad.

Yeah, I can't think where.

Somewhere Mediterranean or something, isn't it?

He was really lovely.

He was.

He was very sweet while he was sucking and deep-throating on her massive dildo.

While I'm rogering him up the arsehole.

I was quite mean to him, though, wasn't I?

You were.

I mean, I tried.

I know, it was so funny.

I mean, I wasn't smack him in the head, black dildo mean, like, all the time.

But I...

That was so funny.

Oh yeah, you two have done a couple of sessions now, right?

Three.

Three?

Yeah, we've done three now together.

Are they fun?

The first one, no.

Awful.

First one, I felt really bad for putting you in that situation.

The first one, he's someone I see quite often.

He's a bit of a public whore.

He loves public humiliation, things like that.

And he wanted to be a bit extreme and things like that.

And then decided halfway through, he didn't really want to be extreme, and it was a bit weird.

And he nutted, and then just, he's always a bit weird.

So he comes.

This is the creepy guy, isn't it?

Yeah, he always comes.

And then he doesn't talk, and then he'll literally run.

No, it was when you were like, I was like, is he coming?

Yeah, he's at the front door naked.

All right, you know, each to their own.

You don't want to bother with taking his clothes off in front of us.

Yeah.

This was your first real life session as well, wasn't it?

And then afterwards, I was so-

Such a bad one, be the first.

I was so freaked out afterwards.

I was meant to go to an appointment after I had to cancel, didn't I?

I had to stay here.

I was shaking.

My adrenaline was crazy.

He was a bad one.

But then we did the other guy, the fireman, and he was lovely.

Real nice guy.

And then we've done another real nice guy.

And he was fit.

Yeah.

He was a fit guy.

Yeah.

And subs come in all shapes and sizes.

Mm-hmm.

From all walks of life as well.

But he, yeah, that was a particularly weird one.

He acted.

He cried.

He acted really poorly afterwards.

He cried afterwards.

Yeah, and he was like, I didn't want you guys to do that.

But he did.

But you came.

Yeah, he came at the same time.

I think he was overwhelmed, and she spent half of the session beating him with a big black cock, which was hilarious, because we keep watching it back on the video.

Have you got a video of it?

Yeah, for her birthday, I'm going to make a little montage of her just repetitively.

I think I'm going to have to start an Only Fans and put-

He touched me on the ass.

He needed punishing.

Yeah, it's for you.

I'm going to have to start an Only Fans and put all the clips that we talk about on My Only Fans.

That'd be brilliant.

Just so people can see it, like a free Only Fans.

And like when you do your weird peg faces, that makes-

Oh no, it does!

I took a video the other day, and I watched-

When MP's in the moment.

My pegging face is back, and they are just horrendous, are the worst things I've ever seen.

How do people look sexy when they're doing it?

Practice.

Let me show you, honey.

Okay, well I'll practice on Sasha now.

Yeah, you make some god awful faces.

I do.

Like I'm gurning, I'm like, mmm!

Yeah, it's quite funny though.

It is like, mmm!

You're like you've strained a muscle.

It's like you've pulled a hamstring.

It's actually not easy.

You know, I feel for guys.

It's quite a lot of maneuvering.

Yeah.

Finding the hole, getting in the hole, making sure it's positioned right.

Sometimes it slips out.

Sometimes it's the wrong hole.

Oh my God.

In our session the other day, I put a butt plug up in my vibrating one and it kept falling out.

It went, and then you could just hear on the floor going.

Don't let that out.

Put that back in.

You looked at me and you go, is it out?

I thought, fucking, I don't know.

He's just here stuck in my cock.

He's just here stuck in my cock.

I can't even see around him.

I was like, where's it gone?

It's gone.

It's not in his bum anymore.

We have said, we need to come up with our code words.

Yeah, we need some code words.

Code words?

Or just like code faces, like the dildo's fallen out his ass, or he shit on the floor.

Oh, I see what you mean.

Right, right, I'm with you.

Oh, switch, do this, do that.

You know, like you're in an operation, like go, go, go, go, eyes on me.

That sort of stuff.

We need to come up with like a little, so we can communicate.

We're pretty seamless together anyway, but it could be more seamless.

Actually, you need some military hand gestures, don't you?

That's what you need.

Like, that's me doing a wanking gesture because I forgot that we were talking on the podcast and not in real life, so I'm just here jerking my hands off.

Jerking off for our American listeners.

That's what you need.

So yeah.

What's your safe word?

Oklahoma.

People are like, why?

I'm like, there's no other word like it.

Exactly.

Is there any?

Yeah.

You didn't tell me the fucking safe word.

You don't need the safe word.

He didn't need it.

You'll just cry.

Right, so what are some of the worries you have about Only Fans?

That people I know are gonna see it.

Uh-huh.

And then.

Like family and friends?

Yeah, but I don't care about my family.

You don't worry too much.

Fuck you.

You don't worry too much about that, do you?

Not really.

To be fair, I haven't got that much out there.

It's generally me fucking other people and not me being fucked.

So it's less sort of stigma and shame for me, I feel, because I'm generally quite clothed.

And to be fair, a lot of people have seen my titties anyway.

Yeah, but that's just a societal stigma, isn't it?

But I don't worry too much because I am quite open about my life.

Whereas you're not.

You'd be quite...

How do you feel, Sasha?

I have told some of my friends, not all of my friends.

What if Granny Doris accidentally stumbled upon your IF?

No, it's for my family.

I don't want to offend my family.

At the same time, if all my friends found out, they'd be like, well, you are the most naked person I know.

Uh-huh, okay.

I think every single one of my friends' husbands have seen me naked.

Dan, you saw me naked the first time we met.

I've seen you naked so many times, it's fucking ridiculous.

Like I've lost count.

I just am a really naked person.

I'm very comfortable.

And even I think my family kind of do know that.

I actually, I went on a night out a few weeks ago.

My mom phoned me up.

She said, your brother's not speaking to you.

I said, oh, why?

I think I know why.

Because you've got your tits out in the fucking pub in front of all of his mates, and he came to pick them all up, and they're all ripping out of him.

Wow, where can I stay?

That's who I am.

What can I say?

Here's another one.

www.onlyfansslashsashadarling.com.

You should have gone round.

You should have taken them out, and then written them on your tits, so all the lads would have been like, quick, sign up.

I did make a joke of that on the night out.

Good promotion.

One of the guys was like, you're looking really good.

And I was like, oh yeah, look at my Only Fans.

He's like, you don't do that.

I was like, no, no, I've seen you try to link the sun up.

That's how you get them.

Yeah, that's a good way of doing it.

You just write it on your forehead.

On a night out, just wear a T-shirt.

You wanna see more?

I did do that on the night out the other day.

You should.

Yeah.

You could just put forward slash, slash that.

They were like young guys, and they were flirty, and I was like, you've got no chance, but I will take your money.

I will have your student loan, love.

I will ruin your trust fund, little boy.

Little boy.

So, I need a couple of tips.

Let's say a couple, I need more than a couple.

How about quads, whey!

We're terrible together.

Boobies everywhere.

So I need a few tips, then, for somebody that's gonna start up in Only Fans.

What are you gonna tell them?

Be bold, be brave, have fun.

Make sure your personality stands out.

And do not be afraid of dicks in your inbox.

Yeah, you're gonna get them left behind, such as.

That's not tips.

That was like a motivational speech from every guy I've known that's ever been to the gym.

They're like, oh, you wanna know how to get muscles like me?

Go to the gym every day, never give up.

Don't stop stopping, never look back, always move forwards, don't take a day off, don't die, eat chicken all the time, and then your muscles get big.

Live to love, love.

I don't want that, I want like actual tips.

I'm starting to learn OnlyFans today, what should I do?

Invest in some good outfits and-

Shave your boobs.

Shave your boobs, some people like boobs.

Consistency is the key, that's what I found.

You have to make quality content.

You can't just post a picture of your kebab up and put, it's my vagina.

They want a little bit more, they want some chat, so be interactive, post two or three times a day.

Is it still three times a day, that's still a thing?

No, I can't be bothered, no.

But definitely every day, I post something every day.

At least once a day.

Yeah, whether it's a picture of me, my ass, my titties, picture of my lips with a bit of spit on it, there's always something, or a video.

Don't give everything away for free, but there's got to be incentives for the subscription, because you can sell stuff in the inbox, but at the same time, they want a little bit more, they're paying money.

Or something that's relevant to that day.

So it's like, today it's fucking hot, here's me outside, spread eagle.

With an egg on me.

With an egg on me.

Frying, frying, or like, It's hot, I've got a bikini.

We've just gone into lockdown, who's watching Tiger King?

Here I am dressed as Carol Baskin.

Oh my god, we should have done that, that would have been brilliant.

You know, it just has to be relevant to the time, and then people are like relating, they're like, oh, that's real time, that's happening, that is someone I can relate to.

It's not pictures of you three years ago that are grainy and blurry, and.

And he's like, you took that on Bebo.

So what I'm taking from this then is be an actual person.

Yeah, be a person.

Be like a real life human that people can interact with.

And be consistent.

Personality.

Yeah, consistency.

Consistency.

Dressing up.

Yeah.

Consistency, I'll say it again.

What was the other one?

Consistency.

That's it.

And networking.

Networking.

But you got to be careful who you network with because Sasha did actually advertise a transvestite on hers and had no idea.

She had no idea.

She did a share for share.

I don't understand.

So you can share other people's profiles on yours.

I really looked into this, and I don't actually think they were a transvestite.

I think they were just a very strange looking female.

Oh, androgynous.

That's what they called androgynous.

Well, fucking one of them.

Well, I don't know what it was.

But yeah, I can see where you got the confusion.

Yeah, you need to do your research with people that you're going to share their profiles with.

Don't just share any Tom, Dick and Harry.

Share people that are relevant to you.

So you get the same sort of subs that are into the content that you would do.

Make sure that your content is, make sure that you're trying to cater to everyone's content.

Don't make people feel isolated.

You want to become a community almost.

It's a community, because you're interacting, it's community, it's like a community.

You're building up your own little community or followers.

It's like when you're on Twitch, people like the game that you're playing, or like your personality.

It's very much the same as on Only Fans.

They want to see that personality.

They want to see that genre, that fetish, that niche that they're into.

So it's all about finding a niche then, and then interacting with people.

Or lots of little niches that you're happy to do, as long as it's not too overwhelming, and just every now and then, drip feeding a little bit to everyone.

Like everyone, here's a couple of crumbs, each have a little bit of crumbs.

If you want more, pay me for more.

Or I'll make a custom.

But it's keeping everyone happy, but at the same time making it manageable for you, so that you can still do it and stay slightly enthusiastic.

Also don't do anything you don't want to do.

Yeah, don't be pushed to do that, because there's no amount of money that's worth it, unless you're going to give me 2 million, and I might consider shitting in your mouth.

For 2 mil I would make, yeah.

Yeah, for 2 mil, yeah, I'd plop one right out.

But not for 2 grand.

Dan, would you film that for us?

I don't think I can.

Well, then may open up.

I think I'm busy that big.

Why does he act like it's such a hardship when he's filming?

You have no idea how difficult that is.

It's exhausting.

Oh my God, these fucking lesbians.

Oh my God, look at them with the vaginas, all wet and juicy.

I hate that.

Oh my God.

It's very difficult.

The other day we got drunk, and he's like, I really hate it when you're all drunk and horny.

I was like, yeah, it must be a real hardship for you when we're all loose goose.

It is, yes.

It is relatively difficult.

It must be so hard for you to not stick your penis in us.

Yes.

That's why it's difficult.

I thought you were just saying you were having a bad time.

No, no, it's that difficult because of that scenario.

Don't think you girls understand.

No.

No, you don't.

No.

If you've got any funny stories, you got any funny Only Fans stories for us?

Sasha, Amy.

Oh my God, one of her cam stories.

She, that guy that beat himself up.

Oh, bless him.

I speak to him like twice a week.

He is, what do I speak to him on?

I speak to him on Skype, met him on Twitter, speak to him on Skype.

He likes to beat the living shit out of himself by instruction.

Wait, what?

What?

He beats himself up?

So he gets naked and obviously.

Is there any way to beat yourself up?

He gets naked.

Don't do it close.

You look like a right idiot.

And then he gets different pairs of shoes, but I always do think, I don't think they're his shoes, they're huge shoes.

They're like size 12 trainers, like 12, 30 trainers.

And then he, we do countdowns when he beats himself in the bollocks with a rock on the whole fucking time.

So fair play to him.

He fucking loves it.

He just beats the shit out of his cock and balls.

And I just-

He wants to do it in the face, doesn't he?

Oh yeah, he has.

He said to me, Oh, can you bust my face up?

Can you please instruct me to bust my face up?

And I think, what's your mom gonna say, mate?

Cause you look young.

Really?

No, he must be like 21, 22.

But it's like, what's he saying?

What's he going into work and saying?

It was a cupboard.

It was a cupboard.

That's a bit weird, isn't it?

He's doing it to himself.

He's domestically violent to himself.

But we do these calls twice a week.

Is this the normal kink?

And he never comes.

Is this the normal kink?

Never comes.

No, no, he doesn't come.

No, he doesn't even wank off.

He just beats the shit out of himself.

And then afterwards, I'm like, right, I'm gonna go now and you're gonna fucking beat yourself off thinking about how much that hurt and how much I'm enjoying that.

I don't love that.

I love it.

I'm very confused.

I've got a couple of questions.

Firstly, where the fuck is he getting his shoes from?

I don't know.

I feel like they're his dad's.

Oh, Jesus.

I've got more questions.

I've got some really Freudian questions.

So where is his shoe from?

Ronald McDonald?

Do you know what?

He's literally messaged me while we've been sat here.

No, he hasn't.

Can you ask him where he gets his shoes from right now whilst we're live in the podcast?

Okay, so you know the shoes you use to beat your balls with?

Where are they from?

And what size are they?

How are you?

Extra beats next time.

Yeah, he didn't speak to me for a day.

So I was like, do you want to kill me?

What kind of shoes are they?

They're like brogues or like trainers.

Do you really want to see my demise?

What's demise mean?

Demise.

Demise.

Demise, my ending.

Do you really want to see it?

So he wants you to like literally beat him to death.

Beat him to death.

Look, and then he says, I love you so much.

But he's saving you the job.

See, I have to beat people.

He's doing it himself.

It's like going to Tesco's and using the self checkout, and you're doing their job, and you're like, hey, hang on a minute.

Who's getting paid here?

That's sneaky.

I've just said, how are you?

And I said, disappointed that I haven't beaten you up yet this week.

Uh-huh.

PS where are those shoes from?

PS.

What about you, MP?

Have you got any funny ones?

No, not really this week.

I'm having a hiatus.

Brilliant, and that's the end of the podcast.

I'm sorry.

No, not really, not to know.

No, actually, there is a guy who I camped with, and he was dressed up as a full gimp.

And one of me full gimp, he couldn't even talk because he had like a mouth gagging.

Oh, yeah, I do that all the time.

And it was just, I didn't really know what to do.

Like, I was like, where is this going?

What, you're both on like FaceTime?

Yeah, but he couldn't talk or move or anything because he was all bound and gagged.

And I think he just wanted me to watch.

I just abused him.

I was just like, look at you, you pathetic little gimp.

But I always find they don't last very long.

They come really quickly.

Yeah, super quick.

Because they're so fucking hot in all this gear they put on.

They're sweating their tits off.

It's like, if you don't come soon, your dick's going to drop off.

I think they're like 45 minutes to get into the gear.

Yeah, I don't know if it's worth the wank.

But I get them a lot all dressed up.

Or I just get sissies.

I love sissies.

Yeah, I love sissies because they just really want to impress you the way they got their stockings on.

And I think fair play to you.

It's hard work.

I hate putting stockings on.

I rep them all the time.

You're not a fan?

What, putting them on?

Putting them on.

Oh, okay.

He's had to put enough on me.

I feel like I can rule the world in stockings.

They look great.

Yeah, no, they're great.

They look incredible, but having to put them on somebody is an absolute fucking nightmare.

But they're so proud, the sissy boys, when they've got all their stockings on, they've got their dress on, they're feeling all girly.

And they're like, how beautiful, and I'm like, well, you're probably not, but I'm like, oh my God, you look so beautiful.

You look like an angel.

Oh, now get your cock out.

Get your delightful little girl's cock out.

Get your tiny little clit out, darling.

Your tiny little lady lamp.

Lady lamp.

You did one the other day where the guy was like, his wife was in the same room or something.

Not, when I say the other day, weeks ago, he was in the same room as his wife, and you were just talking to him on the phone.

Oh yeah, yeah.

He was in the same room as his wife, and I was just abusing him down the phone.

I was like, you're a filthy little fuck, aren't you?

My wife is right there.

I know she's there.

I can hear her.

Do you reckon she could hear me if I shouted really loud?

I'm gonna shout really loud.

I'm gonna tell her what a dirty little pervert you are.

And you could just hear him go, mm, mm, mm.

You know they're on the other side of the sofa with the blanket wrapped around them.

There's a film on there.

They're both pretending they're deep in Netflix.

And he's actually just coming himself.

Yeah, he's just making an absolute splooge mess.

Sticky blanket.

Right, Sasha, did you want me?

Pardon?

Full stop, the end.

Question mark.

Did you want me to get your Only Fans out on the podcast?

See if we can get you some followers your way.

Why not?

What am I going to get out of this deal?

Wow.

You can be our photographer for my fried eggs, if you like.

No, I'm all right, thanks.

Busy that day again.

No, you are going to do our motorbike shoot with us soon.

Yeah, yeah, I can do that.

You're going to drive the motorbike.

Yeah.

I'm going to be a bitch on back.

Yeah, we sort that out.

We can come to an agreement.

Yeah.

So what I'll do then, guys, if you want to go and follow old Sasha here, you can find her on OnlyFans at onlyfans.com forward slash Sasha Darling.

Is that right?

I don't even know myself.

It's Sasha dash Darling 99.

onlyfans.com forward slash Sasha dash Darling 99.

And if you message her, I'm seeing Daniel Vandals sent you.

She will show you a picture of her pussy.

Oh, that's a result.

That's one for the lads, isn't it?

I reckon.

Yeah.

Free dick ratings for all.

MP, you're giving out your OnlyFans.

You're keeping it a secret until your big reveal.

No, it's secret.

You're keeping it secret.

You're saving it for your big reveal.

Yeah, I will do when I transform into my next venture.

Yeah, this is the thing.

We're still currently looking for a unit to do all this from, to do our podcasting from.

As in an industrial unit, not as in a person unit.

Yeah, not like a great, big fat person.

And then I think once we get over there, we're going to set up video podcasting.

Yeah, and then you'll get to see my tremendous face.

In a gas mask.

Yeah.

You'll get to see MP gimped up whilst doing a podcast from the new studio.

Anyway, that is it from me, Sasha and MP.

Thank you all so much for joining us.

Peace out.

Peace out, Jesus Christ.

If you want to message over any questions, go and find me over at TheDanVandal on Instagram, or head to the website danielvandal.com.

And until next week, stay sassy.

And kinky.

Ta ta!