Episode 05: Q&A With MP

In today's episode we ask MP some of the questions that have been sent into us via Instagram and our website Danielvandal.com, you guys and girls want to know how to approach a Dominatrix, what questions to ask and how to delve into the world of KINK! If you want to know what to do and what not to do, here is the place to learn. MP tells us about her kinks, favourite toys, things she loves and things she hates in this tell all episode of My Wife Is A Dominatrix.

Transcript (Auto Generated)

Welcome ladies and perverts to the My wife is a DOMINATRIX podcast.

Coming to you from a dimly lit dungeon somewhere in the UK, with your hosts Dan Vandal and his very demanding wife MP, a real life dick punching DOMINATRIX.

What's the weirdest thing that DOMINATRIX has ever been asked to do?

Hmm, I wonder.

Have you ever dreamed of owning your very own sexy time dungeon?

Yes, you have, you dirty boy.

Do you have any idea how difficult it is to get a DOMINATRIX out of a latex catsuit?

Spoiler alert, it's like wrestling an enraged baby oil covered chimp out of a trash bag.

Anyway, I'm getting sidetracked.

Join us to find out the answers to all the questions you've never asked yourself, and more, by simply stroking that follow button like a good girl.

Now strap on, I mean strap in, lube up, and get ready to be blown away.

Take it away, Danny my man.

Hey there, ladies and perverts, and welcome to the podcast, what do you think of the brand new intro there?

Drop us a comment over on Instagram, let us know what you think.

Today, we've got a bit of a new one we're doing.

Gonna ask old MP over here, some questions I've been sent on Instagram and Twitter.

Less of the old, old, ancient old MP.

Oh dear, how's your week been anyway?

Let's just jump into that first.

It's always the first question, isn't it?

Interesting.

Yeah.

It's been busy.

It's been extreme.

It has.

There's been a few role plays.

There is, there's been a lot of role plays going on.

We've had a few annoyances this week, haven't we?

Some needy subs.

Yeah, I've had to get rid of a few subs because they were...

Which actually, that actually leads me into one of my first questions, which was, I'm going to get my notepad out now because I had to write them down.

Who's old now?

Do you ever get any annoying subs, and how do you deal with them?

All the time.

All the time.

Generally, online ones are the most annoying.

They're not really genuine subs.

They're just horny men with dicks in their hands wanting a quick wank.

You have ones that constantly say they're going to do A, B, and C, and never deliver.

I had one guy yesterday call me 48 times because he was off his tits on drugs, and thought it would be a really cool idea to ring his local DOM.

I had also blocked another guy who was meant to be serving under me, and then had been inboxing other mistresses with dirty fantasies, which is not okay.

That's like an unwritten rule, isn't it?

With subs and DOMs is-

Especially if you're wanting to be owned.

Yeah, if I'm interested in you as a DOMINATRIX, and you found out that I was messaging other DOMINATRIXs.

I'd drop you on your ass so quick.

But all of you DOMINATRIXs seem to do that, don't you?

We've got like a DOM code.

It's just disgusting.

You don't go behind another DOM's back.

It just shows that you're not serious.

You're not loyal.

It's just really gross, small dick behavior.

Yeah, small dick energy.

It's that small dick energy.

That's what it's classed as.

Yeah, it's just disgusting.

DOMs hate it, and it's frowned upon.

And I will call you out for it on Twitter.

I will shame you for it.

So it's like an unwritten rule.

You'll get blacklisted by professional DOMs for it, yeah.

Really?

Yeah, there's a whole, like...

There's loads of websites where you can put people who have done a naughty, and professional DOMs then won't touch you, so all you've got left is the trash.

See, FET life's one for that, isn't there?

There's a lot of that going on in there.

A lot of subs getting called out for not being loyal.

Yeah, you should be called out for your behavior.

If you're trying to impress a DOM and you want to serve under her, we take ownership very, very seriously.

I only own a handful of slaves.

A lot of them are just serving.

They're not owned.

But still, while you're serving a DOM, you shouldn't be going elsewhere.

There's almost like a relationship, I suppose, isn't it?

Yeah, you're being intimate almost with someone.

You're fulfilling their kinks and stuff.

It's kind of like an unwritten rule, contract sort of thing.

You just, it's not something you do.

And if you're caught doing it, then game over, pal.

Wowzers.

Yeah.

Pretty cut and dry, right?

Yeah, there's no messing about.

There's only so much I'll take, and then I'll be like, nope, blocked.

And then I've recently, there's a guy I used to see, a policeman.

I'm not going to drop any names here, bastard.

His name is actually.

And he works at.

He does.

And he came to see me a few times, was a really good sub, wanted to serve and did really, really well.

And then he just kept messing me about.

He kept saying, oh, I don't know this for me.

And I said, well, you know, go and have a think about it.

Yeah, go and do that.

And then he just texts me every so often.

Oh, can I have a session?

Can I have this?

And then I'd be like, yep, sure.

And then he changed his mind.

And he just got to the end where I was just like, I'm not doing this.

I don't need to do this.

Goodbye.

So I blocked him.

Yeah.

And then I blocked him on Twitter and I blocked him everywhere.

Except for an adult site, which he then contacted me on was like, look, I'm really, really sorry.

I'm really sorry.

I'm very, very sorry.

I groveled back to me and I've said to him, this is your last chance now.

Yeah.

If he honestly, if he messes about this time, he's gone.

Well, this is the reason you take deposits, right?

Because people book an hour with you or two hours or half a day or whatever it is, and then decide that they don't want to do it anymore or I don't know, post not clarity.

Yeah.

And that's a lot of time to prep.

You've got to prep.

It takes a really long time.

You can't sell that time on to somebody else.

Exactly.

And there's more deserving subs.

So don't waste a DOM's time.

It reflects very poorly on you.

It's brutal, isn't it?

It is brutal.

But then I suppose it should be.

Well, yeah, you wouldn't book an appointment at, I don't know, the beautician or the botox or a doctor, and then just be like, no.

No, I've changed my mind.

Can I come next week?

Piss off.

Shit off you.

Shit off Jackie.

But yeah, no, that's one thing I frown upon.

I hate slippery subs.

Yeah, you've had one today, right?

It's called or messaged an awful lot, haven't you?

What's that all about?

What's going on there?

Just needy, needy subs.

Just for no apparent reason?

Oh, just because they're horny and the dick's in the hand, and you just get, I just block them now.

I've had enough.

I just ignore them and block them.

Yeah.

It's gone.

You're gone.

Fair enough.

You're here to serve, aren't you?

You've got enough of them that you can do that with, haven't you, at the minute?

Yeah.

I'm really lucky.

My little, we call it a stable.

My stable of subs tends to be brilliant.

I've got a really high quality.

All different fetishes, all different kinks, all different uses, and yeah, just a small handful, but they're fantastic.

They serve well.

So what advice would you give to somebody that was relatively new at being a DOM or DOMINATRIX, that's having the same sort of issues that you have to deal with every now and then?

What would you tell them to do?

You just got to be cutthroat.

Yeah.

No messing about.

Just sack them off.

Yeah, just don't give them the runaround, no matter what they promise, no matter how much they're saying they're going to pay, and stuff like that.

Yeah, just get rid of them.

It's not worth it.

It's not worth it for your mental health either, because sometimes they can be really draining.

And it's not worth it.

It's not worth any amount of money, to be fair.

So yeah, drop them.

Hit the road, Jack.

Yeah, there'll be plenty more.

Well, this is true.

And the ones that are serious about serving are the ones that you want to keep.

And in this day and age, with all this technology and stuff, it is really hard to find loyal subs.

But I'm really lucky.

I've got a handful, like I say, and they're really good boys.

A handful of ponies now.

In my stable.

And they're very fine follies.

A couple of stallions.

I didn't know it was called a stable.

That's news to me.

Yeah, it's a stable of slaves.

Is that what they're normally called?

Is that just what you call them?

No, it's a stable of slaves.

Really?

Yeah.

Why stable?

I don't know.

Maybe because that's where you're meant to beat them.

I don't know.

Well, maybe.

I have no idea, actually.

Maybe we should Google it.

But yeah, no, it's a stable.

And I've got a really good lot.

Well, that's nice.

It takes something very, very, very, what's the word?

It takes something good to impress me.

That was a terrible word.

It takes a lot to impress me, and ownership is taken very seriously by me.

And it takes months of dedicated service and sessions to get owned by me and Collard.

You know, I'm not one to mess about.

Well, that's good, I suppose.

Yeah, because then you can weed out the shit really quick.

And there is a lot of shit.

Sure.

Right, the other question I've got here is days off.

How often do you take a day off?

Like a full-on day off from any nonsense.

I can't remember the last time I had a day off.

DOMs don't take days off.

We really don't.

If we're not in session, we're not planning for session, we're not buying stuff for session, we're filming clips, we're editing, we're interacting.

I don't remember a day that you didn't have a session.

Yeah.

I honestly can't remember a day.

Whether it be online or in real life, there's always something, isn't there?

I can't remember the last time I fully, fully took a day off.

People don't realize that, and that's why DOMs cost money to see, because it's not just the sterilizing of the equipment, it's not all the outfit changes are getting ready.

It's a lot involved.

It's the clips.

You know, especially if you're a professional DOM, you will sell clips on the internet.

And I'm very, very lucky.

I have a really, really good slave who does a lot of my editing for me.

So that immediately takes a lot of pressure off me.

And he's fantastic.

And that takes so much pressure off me.

But if I had to do it all myself, I'd never get day off, ever, ever.

Yeah.

I mean, even if we go away...

No, there's still admin.

You're still on your phone, aren't you?

Yeah, there's still admin.

There's still admin.

It's mad, isn't it?

It is mad.

It's a full-time job.

Plus, I've got another job.

But it's a full-time job.

I do it for the love.

I don't do it for the money.

You should never DOM for the money.

But it's pretty much like that for you from the day you started, though, wasn't it?

Yeah, 100%.

Like, you sort of fell into this, and it was just flat out from day one.

Yeah.

You didn't, like, slowly build up a client base or fans or whatever you call them, ponies or whatever it is.

You literally hit the ground running.

Yeah, it's been like that ever since.

And it just went mad from that day.

Yeah.

It was the day I turned professional.

I've been doing it for a while.

I've been doing it in the kink scene, in ESM clubs, things like that.

And, yeah, the day that I actually turned professional and started charging, it's, yeah, it's been madness.

Yeah, I don't, I honestly can't remember what life was like prior to you doing this.

No, I can't remember.

What did we do?

I don't know what we did.

A lot of drinking.

Probably, wasn't it?

A lot of adventuring and stuff.

Yeah, we did a lot of adventures, yeah.

But to be fair, COVID's hit anyway, didn't it?

So that stopped us from doing all the things that we loved.

So it was quite a fandy to have this going on in the background.

But yeah, I don't do it to get rich.

People always say, oh, you must earn loads of money and stuff.

Oh, it must be really easy for you.

But it's not.

We don't take a day off.

People don't realize that.

We just don't take a day off where there's always something to be done.

And I don't, you know, I don't DOM to pay the bills.

I DOM because I genuinely love it.

The money obviously helps and the money generally goes back into equipment.

I was going to say it's cost a bomb.

Yeah.

The amount you spend in the in the shop.

Yeah, it's not just that.

It's mad.

Yeah.

It's equipment.

It's furniture.

It's simple things like gloves, condoms, lube, outfits, latex, especially very expensive.

Your website, my website, everything.

Yeah, everything.

Everything costs.

It all comes at a cost.

So when you book a DOM, don't be cheeky and ask for a discount because it's not going to happen.

It's just going to really do that.

Oh, my God.

You should.

That small dick energy is coming back into the room.

Honestly, there's nothing worse.

You just like that is a put off straight away.

That will that will just block.

Really?

Yeah.

I won't even get back to them.

Just no, no messing around.

I've had one guy who just emails me constantly.

Just asking for a session.

I'm like, no, I don't need to do that.

Well, you've got this on your website.

I did the writing for some of your stuff tonight.

And you've got rules and regulations and stuff in there.

Yeah, it's just gross.

You've got a list of stuff you will do.

I wouldn't go to Tesco's.

You've got all that on there, haven't you?

But you still get people on there again asking, like you specifically said in there, I won't do A.

And they've messaged you saying, hi there, can you do A for me, please?

It's just stupid.

Are you thick?

No, I wouldn't go to Tesco's and say, oh, hi, can I have this avocado for 20% off?

They'd be like, no.

And that's that, that's it.

You just, this isn't curries.

You can't barter for your fridge.

Avocados are expensive, though.

They are quite expensive, yeah.

But they're delicious.

I do like them.

But yeah, if you're gonna go and visit a DOM, you've got to make sure that you've got money and that you, you know, that you can afford to indulge in your kinks.

Yeah, and what exactly?

Yeah.

All right, got another question for you already.

What are the top five things you like to do with your subs?

Okay, I like power play and mind control.

What's power play?

Like, just, you know, DOM sub.

I've got the power, I'm in control.

They are stripped of all of their power.

Yeah, just standard FEMDOM.

Like standard, you'll do as I say, when I say it.

You'll take what I tell you to take.

Having that power over someone, controlling someone, making choices for their everyday lives, things like that.

That's sexy.

So like get on your knees and take your gear off.

Yeah, I kind of like that.

That's a really hot one for me.

Mummification, I'm really into that.

So like wrapping them in body bags.

Mummification.

Yeah, wrapping them up like mummies, like Egyptian mummies.

So wrapping them up so that only their mouth or their eyes are exposed, and their penis if I'm going to torture it.

I really like it because they're completely helpless.

And I love that.

And a lot of subs like that.

They like to give up the power and they never know what's going to come next.

Surely you can just wrap them up and then go and like put the kettle on.

Oh yeah, you can do whatever you want.

Well, that's quite handy.

Yeah.

I reckon I could do that.

I've done that before.

Oh yeah, I could do that easy.

Yeah, I like that.

Some pallet wrap.

Yeah, I like sensory play.

So a lot of vibrator play, spanking.

I like corporal punishment, spanking, because I'm quite sadistic, whips, seeing how far I can push them on.

That's really, really horny for me.

I like teasing, so chastity teases, where the dicks are in a little cage.

They're getting hard on the cage, it's hurting them.

I kind of like that.

Like the thought of being seductive, like really pushing someone, so they're like desperate.

I love that.

And I really like...

What do you mean?

Like how are you being seductive?

I don't get it.

What do you mean?

Just whispering in their ear, like I'm going to fuck you up, and things like that.

Just I bet you wish that I was on your face.

I bet you wish this baby in sea.

And just like stroking them, or rubbing your fingernails down their back.

Like clicking trigger words, things like that.

Just things that turn them on, or yeah, and they're just, they can't do anything about it, because their penis is in a cage.

That's a real powerful, it's a real powerful play.

I like that.

I like that a lot.

What else do I like?

I like loads of stuff.

Yeah, you do.

You've got quite a bag of tricks, haven't you?

Yeah, and the fifth one, I really like puppy play, because it's really cute and tender and loving.

So puppy play is really nice.

Yeah.

Yeah, I like that too.

There's just so many bits and pieces I love.

Do they fetch the ball or is that not?

They do.

They actually do that.

And take them for walkies.

Shut up.

Yeah, tickle their tums and give them treats.

Yeah.

They actually chase the ball.

Oh, that's brilliant.

I really like humiliation as well.

But that's the evil bitch in me coming out.

Yeah.

I like that.

What do you do with a, so give me a humiliation scenario.

Taking the piss out of their dicks, being small, you're pathetic, you're weak.

Oh, you do loads of that line, don't you, actually?

Because I hear that all the time.

Spitting in the face, degrading, choking out, just something to make someone feel like they're small and you're big.

They have no control.

That's really popular then, I'm guessing.

It goes back to like power play, really, having that control.

Yeah.

You don't always have to be a bitch to have control.

And that's what I love about power play, because you can do it from manipulation, you can do it from being seductive.

There's so many different forms of it.

You don't have to be one thing.

So I got that.

Yeah.

Power play and control is the number one thing for me that gets me off.

I like that.

I think my favorite of that lot would be the puppy play.

That sounds fun.

You want to tickle the dummy?

I just want to throw the ball for somebody.

OK, well, maybe next time he comes around, you can.

I can throw the ball.

Yeah, you can throw the ball.

Shut up.

You can give him a bone if he's been a good boy.

That's too far.

OK, I'm not putting anything in.

No, that kind of bone.

I meant the rubber bone.

That is fine.

Oh, dear.

Another question.

What for you?

No, for you, darling.

Jesus Christ.

You thought you'd have done this before.

No, never.

Do you ever get any lady submissions?

Yeah, I do, actually.

Sometimes.

Very rare.

I have a couple of my only fans, and they like farting.

OK.

I've whipped a few ladies.

Women are actually brilliant at taking pain, more so than men.

And, yeah, I've had a few that I've had to do some.

Well, it's not even pegging, is it?

Like, just strap on play.

Yeah, I suppose.

Yeah, it's not pegging because it's not in the butthole.

I don't know.

Is it still called pegging?

Fegging?

Because it's not a penis.

I don't know, feminine jegging?

I don't know.

I don't know where we're going with this.

Feminine jegging?

I don't know.

I don't know where we're going with this.

Aren't they jean leggings?

I don't know.

No, they're jegging.

They're from Primark.

Not fegging, jeggings.

Yeah, but women aren't as common.

I think it's because women are beautiful, lovely, superior creatures.

So women don't generally have to pay for their play because men are horny little buggers.

Yeah.

And women like other women.

And I don't know, it's just a lot easier for a woman.

If a woman go up to nine out of ten men and said, hey, do you want to fuck?

Yeah, all the men would be like, yeah.

Whereas if a man went up to a woman and went, do you want to fuck?

They'd probably be like, no thanks.

But it must be quite difficult for a lady submissive to find another lady DOMINATRIX.

No.

No, it's not difficult.

There's a lot of lesbian DOMINATRIXes out there, actually.

Huh, okay.

Lady Dimeza, I think.

She lives in America.

She's a lesbian, but she's going out with a transsexual woman.

I can't even wrap my head around.

There's a lot of stuff going on.

I don't even understand.

But yeah, a lot of DOMINATRIXes are lesbians.

Oh, walks of life.

Oh, walks of life.

Yeah.

And I find that a lot of DOMINATRIXes are actually bisexual as well.

There's a big number.

As are you.

I am indeed.

You're a great big bisexual, aren't you?

I know, just a big whore.

Big greedy bitch.

I am a big greedy bitch.

Do you want another question?

Go on, then.

I don't really understand this, but I'm going to ask it anyway.

What are the characteristics of you as a DOM?

Oh, okay.

Do you understand that?

Yeah.

I would say I'm bossy.

I'm confident.

I'm cruel, but also very kind.

I'm mothering.

Right.

But I also will keep you on the edge of your seat.

I'm strict at times.

Firm and fair.

And that's about it, really.

That's you in a nutshell.

Yeah.

Oh, and I'm funny.

I like to have fun.

Funny looking.

Yeah.

No, I'm funny.

I enjoy having a fun session.

It doesn't always have to be whips and chains and anal pains.

Right.

Yeah, I'm goofy.

Yeah, you laugh a lot.

I hear a lot of laughing.

Yeah, a lot of laughing.

Mainly from you.

Yeah.

Like that.

The horrible, seductive laugh that you do.

Not that one.

Yeah, I hear that quite a lot.

Yeah.

Which I mean, I assume means you're having fun.

I'm always having fun.

I don't do things that don't please me.

There's no money in the world that can make me do things I don't want to do.

Do you reckon?

Yeah, and that's part of it.

That's why I'm a DOM, because I genuinely enjoy what I do.

If I didn't, people would see through me straight away.

Yeah, that's true.

It's a lifestyle for me, isn't it?

Well, you live it.

It's a lifestyle.

I get genuine pleasure from it.

I come out of a session.

I'm like, I'm really fucking horny.

Let's bang.

And you're like, nope.

Not a chance.

Let me stick your finger up your butt.

Get in the shower, you beast.

But you know, I generally love what I do.

Because it turns me on.

Why does it turn you on?

Because I'm sadistic.

Yeah.

I get to fulfill my fantasies with all walks of life people.

I get to have control over people.

I assert my dominance.

It makes me feel powerful.

And yeah, I like it.

I like exploring new kinks.

A lot of things I thought I would never like, I've actually explored with subs, and I found out that I freaking love it.

And yeah, I just, I live the life, don't I?

I am your true DOMINATRIX through and through.

Oh yeah.

I just, I live it 24-7.

It is my life.

That's why I don't take a day off.

Yeah, we've met people that clearly are playing at it.

Yeah, yeah.

There's a lot of people who do it for the money, and you shouldn't DOM for the money, you should do it for the love.

Because it's not a quick get rich scheme.

Everyone always thinks, don't they, like oh, you must make loads and loads of money and stuff.

And yeah, you can make a pretty penny, but at the same time, if you're not gonna invest in proper equipment, gear, cleaning, all that sort of stuff, then you might as well just forget it.

Yeah, I suppose you're not gonna get return custom, like the ponies aren't gonna come back to your stables as often if...

If you don't dangle that carrot.

If you don't have the gear.

Yeah, especially if the session is gonna be the same all the time.

Yeah, that's true.

See, my sessions, I'm on a tenth session already with someone, and we're still exploring each other very deeply.

Like, just pushing those pain barriers, pushing loads of boundaries, everything together.

And the more sessions we have, the more intense it gets.

Yeah, breath play and everything.

Like plastic bags over the head.

What's breath play?

So breath play, just controlling how they breathe.

You are giving up your right to breathe when you're putting in someone else's hand.

So smothering.

So it's a bit like those people that do the the older asphyxiation masturbation.

Sort of, yeah, with a hanging off a wall.

But it's, yeah, you've got to be very careful.

There's a fine line there, so you have to be really careful.

There's a lot of health and safety on them.

There's also a lot of forced in-tops.

You have a man come around with a hard hat and a clipboard.

He does, he gives me the full works.

He's like, no, actually, this is not how you, this is not how you store your ladders in the room.

I'm like, oh, god damn.

Just comes around and gives you a health and safety rating.

I'm like, is this gas pipe in his throat all right?

But yeah, no, it can be dangerous.

You need to know what you're doing.

You can't go in there blind.

Half-cocked.

You can't go in there half-cocked.

You've got to be full-cocked all the time.

Yeah.

I've got to go full-cocked tomorrow.

Why?

10.30 in the morning.

Can you believe it?

10.30 on a Monday?

Why is it?

I always have my most extreme sessions on a Monday morning.

10:30 a.m.

on a Monday.

I know, yeah.

It's a heavy water sports.

What is heavy?

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

So not just like...

Wait, wait.

What is heavy water sports?

It's exactly what it says.

I don't understand.

Let's just say four liters of water in the morning.

Four liters is going to come out somewhere.

Where is it going?

No one knows, but it's not going in the toilet.

I hope this clears this up for you.

I've got questions.

Go on then.

First question.

You're doing this in your fun studio.

Indeed.

Porn room, whatever you want to call it.

Yep.

Who cleans it up?

He does.

How?

With his tongue.

No.

How in real life?

With his tongue.

Please tell me that's a joke.

There's a waterproof sheet that I'll put down.

There's a waterproof bedding.

He's also bringing his own bowl with a funnel.

So they'll be funneling.

Visibly shivered.

And waterproof sheets.

So you just pop them in the shower, give them a wipe down, and you're good to go.

Yeah.

There's lots and lots of different things that you can use.

Funnels, bowls, harnesses, toilets, yeah, loads of different pieces.

Yeah, it's a whole thing.

Really?

It does get really chilly after a while, though, if you're soaked with piss.

I don't know if I like it.

That's okay, you don't have to.

I once went on a trek across the Brecon Beacons, and my feet got wet in a bog.

You know what a bog is, you're not stupid.

And I had another 12 hours to walk after that.

It was genuinely one of the worst days of my life.

That's okay, don't pay for a session in the dungeon any time soon.

It feels like this may be the same sort of thing.

No, no.

No.

Well, I'm hoping a lot of it's going to be swallowed, to be fair.

That is unpleasant.

You're welcome.

So this is a question from a newbie.

What is the best way to approach a DOMINATRIX he's found on the line?

We get this all the time.

Do we?

Yeah, we do.

I'm ever so sorry.

So best way to approach.

Do your homework, make sure she's the one for you.

Make sure you've read through all of her bits and pieces.

Make sure that your kinks align with her kinks.

Nothing worse.

Okay, right.

So check the sort of stuff that she does.

Is she into chastity tease play?

I have a chastity cage.

Is she into water sports?

Will she piss in my mouth?

Tick.

Things like that.

You need to make sure that they align, because if you're asking someone to do something that they probably are not into, and if they're not into it, then you're not going to have a good session.

Also, if it's not on the website or Twitter or whatever, then I'm assuming they probably don't do it, right?

Sometimes.

It's always handy to ask questions, but in a respectful manner.

It's really disgusting to approach someone without, hello, how are you?

How much is it?

That's just gross, small dick energy again.

It's always nice to have a little gift card attached or a little tribute or PayPal, just I think for someone's time.

It's like you're going out on the first date, you'll buy a lady a drink.

The same principle goes for if you want to approach DOMINATRIX, you effectively buy her a drink or give her a token for her time.

It's considered quite offensive to approach without manners and perhaps a tribute.

So word me a message then to you.

I want to know if you do puppy play, what should I say?

Dear MP, I am respectfully messaging you to inquire about your services.

Could I ask if you indulge in puppy play?

And if so, what are the limits and the boundaries of this?

I would like to chat a bit more.

If possible, I have attached a gift card, or is there another tribute method that you would accept so we can go into further detail as I am interested in booking a session or a webcam session.

Sincerely yours, slave ABZ.

Sweet, that's pretty easy then, right?

Yeah, it's really easy.

It's just manners and a token.

And a bit grovelly.

Yeah, even a coffee.

Even a coffee, just thanking someone for their time.

Like a Starbucks gift card.

What you've got to think is, we get so many requests a day.

I get hundreds upon hundreds a day.

Can you play with me?

And it's very easy to filter out the shit, because you'll know who's serious, and you'll know who's not.

You just have to read.

And if someone's done their homework, and they've researched it, then they sort of know what you're into, they know what you'll do, and they approach respectfully, and they ask the right questions.

I will know if a guy's just got his dick in his hand, and he's just having a quick, oh, hello, I just want to...

You can just sense it straight out, straight out the back.

So, it's very, very simple.

Yeah, it's very, very simple.

I thought there was some sort of like code words and stuff you had to use.

You just got to use your manners.

Manners make up man, and monsters.

Wow, Jesus Christ, that's news to me.

I genuinely thought you had to go in there and use a load of like acronyms and stuff.

Nope, just polite, tribute, and be honest.

That's it.

Good.

Yeah.

Because the amount of acronyms that are involved in the BDSM world is unreal.

Oh yeah, there's so many.

It's ridiculous.

S-B-H-J-O-I-C-I-M.

Oh, there's loads in there.

J-O-I is jerk off instructions.

What's the other one?

C-E-I.

C-E-I.

C-E-I.

Cunning elves injecting.

No, come eating instructions.

I was not expecting that to come.

S-P-H.

Jesus, I'm still shivering.

S-P-H.

S-P-H.

Slippery prawn hats.

No, small penis humiliation.

C-P.

That's pretty close to slippery prawn.

C-P.

Corporal punishment.

Yeah, C-B-T.

Compulsory bike test.

No, clock and ball torture.

I've been myself chuckled with that.

Well, give me another one.

I'll get these.

No, I can't think of any of them.

I've run out.

I've run out already.

Come on.

Get out of here.

Compulsory bike test.

Crikey.

That means you can ride a 125.

In UK.

Right.

How in the...

And this is from another newbie.

Let's listen to the podcast.

And wants to know how they get into the sub-lifestyle.

Like, what do they do?

They've gone, they've listened to this.

They've gone, you know what?

I'm pretty sure I'm a submissive.

I need to get in on this action.

What do I do?

I'm not a submissive.

I'm not a submissive.

I'm not a submissive.

I'm thinking about this, and I thought one of the best places you can go to is the Internettings and go straight for FetLife.

Yeah, or Femdom Clips.

You need to know what you would be into and what turns you on.

So it's good to watch some things that might interest you.

Yeah, because, and I'm just going to mention this real quick, because the DOMINATRIX stuff you see on porn sites...

Is not the same.

It's not DOMINATRIX stuff in real life.

Some of it can be, depending on the DOMINATRIX.

But a lot of stuff in the videos, in the porn hubs, is not necessarily what they're going to provide you in a session.

So I will do certain things in clips that I will not do in session, because it's a fantasy.

It's not a real life.

It's a fantasy.

It's a video for you to jerk your small dicks off to.

And some of that is, you know, it is just a fantasy.

And some of it I will do.

But the porn hub especially tends to be a lot of fantasy stuff, like you can eat her out and things like that.

Whereas a lot of it is a lot of them.

No, you can't.

It's very different.

But it sells well.

You know, go to clips for sale.

I do sell some stuff on there, just saying.

Not that you'll ever find me.

I sell popular clips on there.

And they're, you know, they're proper fetish specialized categories for certain kinks.

So you're best off going to munches, things called munches, that you'll find on discussion boards on the internet, where people with like wise kinks, you can meet up with them and talk about fetish things.

Oh, so Reddit, then?

Twitter.

There's lots of different avenues to look.

You just need to find out what your sort of niche is.

There's a lot of nonsense on Twitter, though.

There's nonsense everywhere.

There's nonsense everywhere.

You've just got to sift.

If you're that dedicated to it and you really want to do it, then you'll research it.

And you'll do your research.

Then you'll find someone that aligns with the kinks that you like.

And then from there, you'll meet like minded people on social media, have discussions with other people.

And then it will go from there.

And then you'll naturally...

And you can do the same thing on FetLife as well, can't you?

Because when you go on there, you can like say, I'm a submissive that likes...

Yeah, there's a fetish for everything.

I'm submissive that likes unripened bananas.

The thing with FetLife is, as a professional mistress, a lot of people want freebies.

People want their kinks for filling.

Yeah.

And...

Oh yeah, FetLife is definitely a hookup zone as well.

But also there's a lot of info on there, isn't there?

Yeah, there's loads and loads of info, and it's great for that.

But then you get loads of people inboxing you, just asking you ridiculous questions and that.

And I'm like, I'm a professional.

It quite clearly states on my profile if you want to approach and you want to have a conversation, that's fine.

But I'm not doing it on my own time.

This is, you know, this is my lifestyle.

And I'm more than happy if it's a sensible question.

But most of the time, it's just guys who are horny with dicks in their hands again.

And, you know, just like when I first got on there, it was just hundreds and hundreds of messages a day.

I mean, it was ridiculous.

What sort of messages do you get?

I want to serve you.

Can I be your dog?

It was just really poorly written messages, like fart in my mouth.

Not even a hello.

That's just the whole message.

Yeah, not even a hello, mistress.

It's fart in my mouth.

You're just like, oh, fuck off, mate.

But people don't realize that a lot of these fetishes and kinks, you're not going to find someone who's beautiful and young, has all the equipment, and is into the same things as you.

You're going to have to pay for that.

You're going to have to pay to see a professional.

I like pissing around with my hair.

I'm not a professional.

I go to a hairdresser.

Yeah, I don't know what I'm doing.

I've got no fucking idea.

No fucking idea.

I'll bloody end up losing all my hair.

Oh, absolutely.

And you've been there.

And I've been there.

And I've tried.

And now I know I have to go to a professional.

I wouldn't go and pull my own teeth out and then start trying to drill in fake ones.

I'd go to a dentist.

I'd go and see a professional.

So don't go jumping into the fetish scene hoping that you're going to get all your fantasies fulfilled for free.

Because if you've got a specialized king or a fetish, then you'll have to pay for a service.

It's just the way it rolls.

Oh, yeah, no, exactly.

Yeah.

So, yeah.

So your sound advice is...

I'm a hairdresser.

No, I'm not.

Your sound advice is do some research.

Yeah, do your homework.

Like I say, every single time in this podcast, do your research, do your homework.

Align your kinks with someone else.

Approach respectfully.

And that's it.

I can't help you any more than that, except for I'm gonna advise you to go to my website at www.gofuckyourself.com.

That was mean.

Oh, jokes.

I can't remember what my other questions were.

That's terrible.

Look at your notebook, old man.

I'm looking at my notebook.

I'm definitely in the 22nd century.

Oh, what are your favorite toys to use?

Oh, I just dropped stuff everywhere.

What are your favorite toys?

My favorite toys.

Okay, my favorite toys at the moment.

I've got some hog ties that I really, really enjoy.

I do love some strict bondage.

I've actually ordered some new chains that two subs have contributed to because they're both very much into the same thing.

And they said, if we go half on this, we buy these.

Because sometimes you get some things that not everyone's going to use, and it's a specialized thing, and it can get expensive.

So sometimes I'll say, look, if you want it, that's fine, but you and whoever else is going to be using it, you can pay for it.

Fair enough.

Yeah, well, it's fair enough.

I'm not going to pay for this equipment for you to come once every six months.

Especially if it's that specialized, that they're the only people that are going to be using that sort of thing.

Exactly, because with the metal chains, there's a certain fit.

You can get a female collar and chains and things like that for the smaller subs, or you have bigger subs, and they're not going to fit in that.

So it's like body bags and things like this.

It's expensive because not one size fits all.

Okay, what's a body bag?

It's like a mummification bag.

It's like a leatherette or a PVC or a latex bag.

You suck all the air out of one of those things.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

It's just a bag.

It's like a body bag, and you zip it up, and they're just contained in this body bag.

Oh, the big leather thing you have in there.

Yeah, yeah.

A vacuum bed is a completely different thing.

It's a latex thing, and it sucks.

It's like one of those bags that you put under the bed, and then you put the Hoover, and it goes, and it sucks, and it just really...

Shrinks everything down, yeah.

Yeah, and it's really tight bondage, really tight latex bondage.

That's a very specialist thing as well, and that costs a lot of money.

But I have someone who really wants to do that, and I said, well, I'm okay doing that, but you will have to contribute to ABC.

That's fair enough.

Yeah, exactly.

And so yeah, I've got the chains that are coming.

That's great.

My favorite toys, whips.

I love whips.

I love a good whip.

I really enjoy a paddle.

I had a custom-made one from a sub that I'm seeing next week.

Love him.

And he got me a Legend of Zelda custom-made spanking paddle.

It's lovely.

It's leather.

It's made.

It's beautiful.

And it hurts.

And I really like that.

That's something that not everybody knows about us.

What?

Is that we do a lot of gaming, don't we?

We're bigger.

We're massive nerds.

We are massive nerds.

And I think...

When you're not being a sadist.

Yeah.

My subs are actually...

I seem to attract quite a few nerds as well.

So it's really nice when we're not in scene to talk about nerdy things.

Yeah.

Which is really cool.

Actually, thinking about it, you do have a lot of your subs are nerdy, aren't they?

Yeah.

Like an awful lot of them.

Yeah.

Isn't that weird?

Warhammer, comics, gaming.

So it's sort of on the fringes of society.

What used to be the fringes of society, now it's completely actually the middle of society, isn't it?

Gaming and nerdgasms.

And it's really nice.

It's really nice because not only when you've got someone who enjoys the same thing kink wise as you, but in the real, you know, in our normal everyday relationship, it's really nice to be able to talk about normal things as well, not just completely kink.

Yeah.

So it's really good when you have subs like that.

It's mad, isn't it?

Anyway, back to toys.

I just bought a new anal butt plug with remote control.

So that's super fun.

Super fun.

Love that one.

Vibrators.

Is that the one you left charging my bedside table?

It was.

I really enjoy vibrators.

You can do just too much with them.

There's so many places to vibrate.

I find them super cool.

Are these the plug-in ones?

Yeah, plug-in ones are best.

You can get good battery-powered ones, but the plug-ins are far more powerful.

All the ones that you charge up, Doxies, are really good.

Doxies?

Yeah, the Doxies.

They're very, very good.

Very, very powerful.

So they're great.

You've got a lot of dildos.

Yeah, a lot of strap-ons, a lot of dildos.

Like, I don't know.

There must be 30.

Yeah, I love my dildos.

All different shapes and sizes.

And colors.

They're just really beautiful.

Real penises are not beautiful, but I just...

No, they're not.

Penises are horrible things.

Mine is magnificent.

You wish.

Yeah, they're just...

You know, I love them.

All different colors, all different sizes.

Yeah.

All pretty.

Got black ones, pink ones, rainbow ones.

Yeah, there's a lot.

Galactic ones.

Yeah.

They're really fun.

But you always see DOMINATRIX's with like really, really massive cock strap-ons.

And I think sometimes it's just for the pictures, because...

Yeah.

You like...

It's a fantasy.

You know, a percentage of subs can take a really big dick, but a lot of the time it's like no more than a finger.

You have got some really like ginormous things in there.

Yeah, and the only one taking them is you.

Yeah, like really big ones.

Yeah.

Super big ones.

They're great for pictures, but yeah, they're not.

Don't really get a lot of use, to be fair.

No?

Refund?

They look pretty in the room.

Do they?

They do.

Are you sure?

Yeah, they do.

I'm not sure.

Yeah.

Any more questions?

I'm going to have a look in the notebook.

Oh God, back to the book.

Give me a break, man.

I can't remember all this stuff.

I did have it on my phone, but then obviously my phone shuts down every couple of seconds.

No, I don't think there are any more questions.

Okay.

I've got a question for you.

Uh-oh.

It wasn't me.

I never touched her.

How?

What?

Who is she?

How are you finding life with a DOMINATRIX wife?

Arduous.

Really?

Yeah, it's arduous.

Does it not have its perks?

I can't think of a single one.

Wow.

Perks?

Yeah.

Perks for me?

Yeah.

You've got a few computer games bought for you.

You bastard.

You're being serious, aren't you?

I am.

Are there any perks for me?

Yeah.

No.

No.

Well, that's a shame.

No.

Not a single one.

No.

There's just more work for me.

I'm not so much of a horrible bitch that I could be.

No, you're still a horrible bitch.

Oh, god damn.

There's no...

No, there's more work for me.

I see less of you.

It's very intrusive on our relationship, for your job, isn't it?

Yeah, it's because I live at 24-7.

Don't take a day off.

Yeah, it's my life.

It's very intrusive.

But then you knew that when you got with me.

No, I didn't.

No, I don't think...

There's no perks, not really.

It's busy all the time.

You're busy all the time.

Like late into the night.

Like late, late.

12, 1 o'clock in the morning.

And I'm up early.

So no, I don't think there's any perks.

Well, we're just apart from this podcast.

Apart from, yeah, apart from doing the podcast about it.

Yeah.

No, nothing like that.

Springs to mind.

I mean, there's plenty of dildos.

Should I ever want one for...

I don't know, for scaring elderly relatives.

Dildo army.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They're like Pokemon.

You want to catch them all.

Like the Small Soldiers film, but with dildos.

Gargonauts.

No, I don't think there's any real perks.

I guess if I was a submissive that was into whatever it is submissives are into.

You'd be living the dream.

I'd be living the dream, but...

You would.

I'm not into it.

So the dream is a nightmare.

A recurring nightmare.

I have like a whole section of my house that I don't go in.

Or maybe you could help a girl out and clean a dick once in a time.

Absolutely not.

Right.

No, I can't.

I'm dead busy.

I've got like a headache or something that day.

I don't...

I'll come up with an excuse at the time.

But no, there's nothing really.

There's no plus side for me.

But it keeps you happy and it keeps you busy.

I guess that's a plus side.

Yeah, it keeps me busy.

It keeps me happy.

It keeps me at mischief.

It keeps you earning money, which means I don't have to fund your lifestyle, which I guess is a plus side.

Yeah, you don't have to do shit.

So I can cook clean.

Yeah, apart from do everything that I have to do.

Constant maintenance of your room.

You're welcome.

Yeah, no, that's it.

Have you got anything else for me over there?

No, I'm hungry.

Okay.

Feed me, Seymour.

That was a brief one.

I'm glad we got those questions out that way.

They've been bugging me.

I needed to get them answered.

Sometimes you don't need the long ones.

Sometimes just the short ones will do.

And on that bombshell, we're going to bid you adieu.

We're going to get out of here, aren't we?

Oh, actually, we've got an update on the old studio.

You went to see one the other day, didn't you?

We'll just bash this out real quick.

Otherwise, we're going to have to put up the next podcast.

Is anyone in the local area got a dungeon space for rent, please?

Nobody knows where we are.

But the long and short of it is, we finally, yeah, we are in the deep south.

We finally found somewhere that we thought was pretty ideal, right?

Yeah, it was a really good dungeon space.

It was in a busy area.

It was close to all of your submissives.

It was near a train station.

It had a basement.

It wasn't particularly large enough, and I don't think the landlord would have been kink friendly.

That's the problem that you get when looking for a dungeon space.

You want discreet, you want clean, you want spacious.

You want parking.

You want local.

Yeah, there's a lot to consider.

It's actually really, really hard.

And there's only two rooms, wasn't there?

Like a dungeon and a floor space.

And we need somewhere we can do this from as well, don't we?

We want to do...

We want to do all sorts.

We need a photographic studio as well.

A filming studio, yeah.

There's just so much.

And I need studios for different things.

I need like a medical bit.

I need a puppy play section.

I need just a general Fendom section.

There's lots to consider, and I'm having a custom-made bed made, so that will have to go somewhere.

But this is the first time we found someone that was quite promising, and then it just wasn't...

It just wasn't ideal, and I don't...

It wasn't perfect, and we need perfect.

And my dungeon here is beautiful.

It's got everything it needs.

It's fully equipped.

It's lovely, and like I said, I'm having that custom-made bed.

But it's time to expand.

Yeah, you just don't have enough room.

I just don't have enough room.

I have so much equipment now.

Like, the drawers are full to the brims.

Yeah, it's obscene.

It's crazy.

I never thought I'd have so many dicks in one room.

So, unfortunately, that is the update.

And I'm not on Pornhub.

What?

The update is we haven't found that space yet.

But we are still looking.

We are still looking.

Horridly looking.

And then, hopefully, in a few months' time, we'll be doing the podcast from Live in the Dungeon.

That would be good, wouldn't it?

Just don't show my face.

What?

Well, this is the thing, see.

iTunes and Spotify have brought out this new...

I've forgotten what it's called, of course, because it's mean.

I don't remember anything.

Where they have a paid section for podcasts now.

And we were thinking, weren't we?

We were talking about this earlier, that we might start videoing the podcast, as in when we're in the new studio.

Yeah.

I'm putting it on there.

But do I reveal who I am to the people?

Never.

Maybe, maybe not.

Woman of international mystery.

Um...

Yeah.

Austin Powers, baby.

Yeah, baby.

That was terrible.

What was that?

I don't know, I sounded like Yogi Bear.

Characters is terrible.

Characters or accents?

Could you imagine if I had to do accents for my job?

What if somebody messaged you saying that I've got a real kink?

It's German lesbians.

No, Russian lesbians.

I could do that.

I'm a Russian lesbians.

Russian is the only one you can almost do.

What if somebody said I really like Scottish accents?

It gets me off.

I'll pay you a billion dollars a minute.

I would have to take some serious, serious voice classes.

You'd have to, wouldn't you?

I would, I'd be terrible.

Try it now.

Or maybe they could just go and see a Scottish DOMINATRIX.

They can't, they live down here.

Tough shit.

Travel.

You wouldn't take that on.

I couldn't.

You wouldn't give it a quick, a quick Braveheart blast.

FREEDOM!

No, I just can't.

No, that was terrible.

Stop it now.

Stop it.

So if there's any subs out there looking for a Scottish DOMINATRIX.

Please don't go and see me.

Please go and see Mistress Graves, because she's actually Scottish.

Look up Mistress Graves and not MP over here, because she is useless.

Oh, shut up.

Actually, I'm told I have quite the nice voice.

I sound quite sophisticated.

Yeah, very sophisticated.

Little did they know.

Oh my god.

Right, on this note, I'm pissing off.

Let's get drunk, right?

If anyone else spoke to me like this, I'd knock their block off.

Thank you all so much for following us.

Head over to the website danielvandal.com and the Instagram, the handle of which I've forgotten again.

What is it?

The Dan Vandal?

I think it's the Dan Vandal.

This is your gig, man.

I know.

I do this every time.

I just turn up.

Guys, you can figure it out.

And until then, we'll catch you, I don't know, next week or something, right?

Yeah.

Let's have a week of filthy pervertedness, and then I'll get back to you.

Okay.

Love you.