Episode 02/06: The Countess Coco

Here we are again, Today we dragged The Countess Coco kicking and screaming into the Fungeon for a catch up, and a little peep into her life as a fully fledged Dominatrix. We ask all the important questions like.... 'How many people do you need for it to be a line dance' Coco will no doubt be returning for more episode in the future as we all had a laugh discussing what goes on when the dungeon door closes. We talk bondage, submissive chaps, cattle prods, CNC, CBT, line dancing, pot plants and 'Why does Coco like an Onion Bhaji so much??' Find out the answer to this and more, only in this weeks episode of My Wife is a DOMINATRIX.

Yeah, so I may have accidentally bought some plants from the shop earlier today.

Yeah, you can't be let loose in a supermarket or a garden center unattended.

I've got an eye infection, that's my...

What's it got to do with any of the fucking plants?

Is it because you feel sorry for yourself?

Essentially, yeah.

You decided you'd buy a fucking load of plants.

I felt bad about my life, so...

That's what I do.

He's currently looking like Cyclops with your weird eye.

You look like a battered husband.

I'm kind of into it.

That's disgusting.

Disgusting.

Welcome, ladies and perverts, to the My Wife is a DOMINATRIX podcast, coming to you from a dimly lit dungeon somewhere in the UK.

That was it.

That's enough.

I gave you more this week.

It's ridiculous.

Like, someone has gone to the time to make this, and you're just like, do you know what?

I can't be arsed.

So we're actually probably going to go get a new one, aren't we?

I went through the time of writing the stupid script for that.

Well, you're going to get yourself to blame.

Ages.

Why is it so long?

Because I'm witty and I couldn't stop myself.

Unbelievable.

Witty and a spendthrift.

I just sort of ran away with it.

I'm going to become broke for you and your bloody plant obsession.

Yeah, I know.

Talking of plant obsessions and whore.

Hold on a minute.

Before you go off on a tangent.

Whore to culturists.

Before you go off on a tangent.

I was going to introduce our next guest.

Welcome, welcome, ladies and perverts to My Wife is a DOMINATRIX.

Great podcast, apparently.

Starring me, Dan Vandal, and her.

Miss Poison Candy.

And today we have a special guest.

Yes, more special than guest.

The Countess Coco.

Shalom, Jackie.

Shalom, Jackie.

It's a great intro.

That's a great intro.

Well done, mate.

It's so hot in here, so we all decided to do this podcast naked.

Yeah, which is frightening for some and lots of frightening for others.

Looking at you is really...

Doing it for you.

Honestly, these two have a relationship like brother and sister.

It's so weird.

We do.

We're going quite well.

We've met three or four times, I guess.

At least.

You and I?

At least.

Something like that.

I get you muddled with some of the others.

Yeah, pretty easily done.

Not you, but the names, because I refer to most people as their name name and not their DOMINATRIX name.

When you talk about them, I never know which one you're talking about.

Exactly.

Yeah.

Especially Coco and Kiki.

Should I be like the one that ate a doughnut out my ass?

There wasn't a doughnut.

It was a penis-shaped ice cube.

Oh, God.

Yeah.

And that doesn't narrow it down that much.

Wait, who ate one out of my ass?

Kiki.

It was like, yeah.

Yeah, Kiki had to eat.

And I had to eat one out of your ass.

And you had to eat one?

This was at Social, by the way.

We're not just making penis ice cubes and just doing it for fun.

We're just doing it for fun.

It was part of a...

It was two minutes ago before we done the podcast.

Shut up.

It is quite hot.

We could do with those right now.

Yeah, I could.

I could slip one in easy.

I tell you, it wouldn't be coming out the same shape.

Yeah, we did this because...

Oh, beep the name out.

I fucked it.

Why?

What have you done?

I said a name.

Oh, Baping.

Hold on.

**** Sorry, Coco.

So confusing because we've got Countess Kiki, Countess Coco.

This is my point.

Yeah, it is confusing.

Right.

So Coco came to a couple of our socials, and so we did party games, and for the forfeit, for the games that we're playing, we had these penis shaped ice cubes, and I had to come up with lots of different dares, and it just generally ended up being eating ice cubes out of each other's arseholes.

So it was, yeah.

It was.

Like directly from the arsehole, not just around it.

It's fully in, just like the tip was in and the balls were hanging out.

I know, Coco tried to...

Coco literally wedged her thumb right up Kiki's arsehole.

She's like, animal.

I was just trying to set up the cheese board.

You were.

Wasn't I?

It was a very good spread.

You did a ha ha.

Right, so Coco, do you want to tell us a bit about yourself?

Oh, what do you want to know?

Where were you from and why are you in my house?

I'm in your house because your wife brought me in.

She's your present?

Shit present.

No, I love you to bits.

I just prefer it when you're not here.

Go on.

I'm from Hampshire.

25.

I've been in the industry for nearly 8 years, I think.

7 years.

Really?

Crikey, that's a long, long time.

Since I was literally 18.

Done some shit.

Not always been a DOMINATRIX.

Where did you start?

What was it, 7 years ago?

So I started on OnlyFans, doing very basic stuff, didn't even show my pussy.

Pussy?

Pussy?

No.

Really?

And then it just kind of snowballed.

When was lockdown then?

So way before lockdown.

Lockdown was 2020, so that was 4 years ago.

So I was well in it then.

Yeah, I've been in it for like 3 years.

Just one of the OG OnlyFans.

One of the OGs?

Yeah.

When it wasn't oversaturated with cooking content creators.

Yeah.

What was it like being on OnlyFans before it started governmental?

A lot better than what it is now.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

A lot easier to sell content.

The market's so oversaturated now.

Was it like a quality over quantity thing back then?

And now there's just a barrage of anything you need.

Yes and no.

I think back then social media was a lot easier to navigate as well.

So there's as many blocks on it.

I could literally post myself squirting on Instagram stories and just cover my vagina and it would be fine.

Yeah.

You can't even...

I can't do jack shit on the bell.

Boo a goose.

You can't squirt.

I don't really remember either.

I don't, to be fair, I don't really use social media.

Peg aggressively.

You can't.

There's just so many stipulations and rules.

So this is my gripe with OnlyFans.

I did actually get my DOMINATRIX account shut down because apparently it was too graphic.

No shit.

And so I use OnlyFans, but just for the farts, just for the farts, only farts.

But yeah, when I originally was on OnlyFans as a DOMINATRIX, I used to be able to post loads and loads of stuff.

Yeah.

And then they shut down my account.

I didn't get my money back.

They took my money and they've done this to a lot of creators.

They basically built their brand on sex workers, because that's what OnlyFans was.

And then one day, they turned around and told us, oh no, we're not doing this anymore.

Well, they tried kicking us off at one point.

They said they were going to completely ban sex workers, but then they realized that their whole platform was basically sex workers.

That's how they were making their money.

We built that.

We built all of the fan base and stuff on OnlyFans.

I really wish I had We Built This City.

We built this city.

Ready to go.

I could just press a button.

And then obviously, there was a massive uproar and people were like, how dare you?

It's like, Taylor's Oldest Time, you always get...

She's also great at karaoke.

This is her sideline.

So yeah, Taylor's Oldest Time, you always get sex workers that will build up the platform, that do really well, make lots of money for a company, and then the company will bow down to, I don't know, the biggies like MasterCard and stuff, because you've got religion and the evangelists and all of the people who are campaigning against sex work.

And they're basically making sex work unsafe, because they're making sex workers having to struggle for survival, for pay.

They're making it unsafe.

They're pushing it underground, right?

They just want you to be a little sheep, basically.

Exactly.

You're not allowed to be creative.

You're not allowed to do certain things.

Anyway, so only fans back in the day...

Why don't they just embrace it and tax it and make a shitload of money out of it?

Well, they do tax it, but they still don't want you doing it.

Because obviously we're making more money than a general nine to five.

And they don't like that.

They don't like the fact that we can choose our own hours.

We can choose who we're doing it with.

We can choose where this content is going.

They don't like it.

They don't have the same control and stipulations and stuff as like a nine to five job.

So, you know what I mean?

You're not on a payroll.

You're doing it yourself, and they don't like that either.

But yeah, so OnlyFans basically did everyone over, and then they started bringing in things like trying to turn it into like a Patreon almost, like a cooking people and fitness gurus.

And it originally started out as...

Yeah, it did, yeah.

Right back in the day, that's where it came from.

Oh, really?

Yeah, that's what it originally started out as, and then the six workers took over the platform and then made the name.

But then they tried to bring back this other stuff, and people didn't want to buy into that.

There's YouTube, there's so many other platforms that you can get stuff like that from.

And then I think the worst thing for OnlyFans, the worst thing that changed it was they started doing Celebrities on there, and Celebrities thought this is a good, easy, quick buck, like Bad Barbie or Iggy Azalea.

How was that Celebrity that posted a photo?

She sent it to someone's, everyone's inbox.

Bella Thorne?

Yes, but it wasn't even a nude, and everyone paid to unlock it, and then they realised it was like $50.

Yeah, it's ridiculous.

Everyone paid to unlock it, and it wasn't even a fucking, she made Millie her things on that one photo.

She made something like $8 million on her, ridiculous amount on her first day.

That bad Barbie posted her income the other day, only $54 million or something, I think it was.

It doesn't surprise me.

That number could be completely wrong, I wasn't paying attention.

But stuff like that makes me angry, because there are girls out there who are doing this for their job.

You know, you've got people like bad Barbie, I get that's probably part of her job, but her main thing was being celebrity in public eye and stuff.

It was music, wasn't it?

Yeah, music and rapping and all of that.

But when a big celebrity does it, it takes away from the other people, the independents, you're taking away the people who should be in the spotlight, the actual people who are doing good content creating.

It takes people's attention away from that to then go and have a look at, I don't know, Jennifer Aniston's One Tit.

Yeah.

And it makes you feel like a sack of shit as a person and as a content creator.

I feel like everyone just jumps on the bandwagon now for OnlyFans.

Like there's a lot of Fyndam girls that will just jump into it, and they're young and they'll be like, I'm not a sex worker.

I hate to break it to you, but you're fucking up.

You do not get them at home.

Has this guy wanked over your picture.

You're a sex worker, my love.

But they do.

Like I said in the last podcast, like people don't like to say they're a sex worker, but it is, it's part of the sex work industry.

And I don't think if you're not going to admit to being a sex worker, you've got no place being in this industry.

The industry is already full of fucking dickheads, people that you film with, people that you trust.

To be fair, sex workers is such a broad thing.

They need such a broad spectrum.

They need to narrow it down and maybe have sections for stuff.

There just needs to be.

You know, like teachers, and then you have an English teacher and a maths teacher.

So we're all sex workers, but in that group.

And then you can just drop the sex worker bit if you're a bit fancy.

A bit fancy.

Yeah.

It's like when people used to escort, they're not called escorts anymore, they're called companions.

Yeah, exactly.

An expensive companion.

I'm a luxury service.

Honestly, I see it all the time.

It makes me laugh.

And I'm like, babes, you're still getting rattled for a bag.

So whether you're Jenny down the block and you're surviving on your money from your sex work or you get in really fancy handbags, darling, it's the same thing.

Yeah, you're getting money from sex work and it doesn't make you any better than Jenny, who's having to do it to feed a family of five.

But people like to.

People do, don't they?

They like to make themselves feel better and feel like, Oh, I'm top dog.

I'm doing this.

But sweetheart, it's all the same thing.

Yeah, no, I agree.

Yeah, I completely agree.

Anyway, sorry.

Carry on.

So only fans.

This will happen quite a lot through the podcast.

You'll be talking for, you know, 10 to 15 seconds and then she'll take over for 10 minutes.

I know, right?

That's why we get all day.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Today has been wild.

Oh, this is probably why you get more Coco so much.

I do.

Because she's quite similar to me.

Just sort of don't really have enough facts to care about.

I find when I'm mixed with other neuro spicy people, I'm like, that's it.

I'm pinging.

I've never been diagnosed, but it's fucking obvious.

Yeah.

So we were filming today with a really, really nice guy.

Like, I don't really film too much with other male content creators because as a woman in this industry, a lot of male creators, as I'm sure Coco will tell you, like her experiences, the guys tend to be slightly creepy, not safe, just in it for themselves.

They're not really professional.

Yeah.

And that's a big thing.

That's a huge thing, especially in America, Bax was saying.

So we filmed today with Bax Box.

He's B-A-X-X-X Box on Twitter.

And he is a lovely guy.

He was really nice to work with.

He was lovely, wasn't he?

Really good guy.

He's from America.

America, yeah.

And he is a really nice guy.

He was lovely, professional.

He shoots all sorts of stuff from...

He does a lot of gay porn because he's like a gym bunny, isn't he?

He's like a bodybuilder.

He's got a great body, great physique.

And it's very rare that you'll get someone to film with that has a really good physique and will show their face on cam whilst doing a lot of femdom stuff.

It's actually quite a rare thing, isn't it?

It is a very rare thing.

It barely ever happens.

Yeah, a lot of people obviously wear masks and stuff.

So he's like a unicorn, I guess.

The unicorn.

But just because he's willing to show his face.

Yeah, well, he's got a good body, bodybuilder sort of thing.

Not a lot of men would do that.

So he shoots a lot of gay porn professionally.

He does gay porn.

He does straight porn, femdom porn.

He does everything.

And he films with everybody.

He has a really good fan base.

And he doesn't just film with one particular type of woman.

All of his clips are so diverse.

And that's what he truly believes in.

So he'll film with a disabled person, he'd film with a trans, he'd film with a slightly bigger girl.

Like he's really inclusive of everybody.

And he believes that kink and sex should be available.

He's not fussy trash.

No, he truly believes that kink and sex should be available for everyone in all different types of forms and stuff.

So that was really refreshing.

And he does a lot of advocacy work for survival sex workers and lots of stuff in America, because obviously America at the moment are having a right old thing about porn.

They're always having a thing about something.

Yeah, but especially porn at the moment, like all the big companies are like rallying against sex workers and making it hard, so he's doing his absolute best to support everyone he can.

And it was really good fun, but you and I just acted like a pair of children.

It's so bad, like when we get together, we're trying to film, but we're trying to be serious, we're like, right, serious faces, right, serious faces.

And I just look at her and I can't stop laughing.

We're trying to be all sexy, like, yeah, look at this little dick in this chest cage.

Shit, you're not.

So today, he turned up, he had his chest cage on and everything beautiful.

Halfway through a scene, he was like, shit, I've left my key at home.

I had to have his dick locked the whole time.

I know.

So didn't even get to see his full size dick.

His wiener.

That's terrible.

I know.

So we had to make him come in the chest cage.

I was going to say, how do you do content then?

I suppose you can still do...

It's custom, like chastity, tease.

He can take a good old pegging.

He can take a good pegging.

Yeah.

Anyway, we did some filming today.

We spent the day together and we are just...

I think we always have good fun.

You were one of the people that I will generally call a friend outside of kink.

Yeah.

I think it's very rare to find a nice person in this industry.

Let's just say that.

And you found two, you lucky bastard.

Where's the second one?

No, I do actually have another very good friend outside of this.

Her name is also Amy and she's in the industry.

Let's not pretend like you got other friends.

I do think just the one, though.

Is it Amy you can see them?

Ridiculous.

Right, anyway, enough of me talking.

Get back onto it.

So you started on OnlyFans.

I started on OnlyFans, so I actually started with Porn Porn, Boy Girl.

I did it a lot with my boyfriend at the time, Girl Girl, and I did that for a good year or more.

Yeah.

I did the solo stuff beforehand for a little while.

And then I met my friend, who is a DOM.

She's been doing it now for what, eight years?

And she said, what are you doing?

Like, you're on the wrong side of the industry.

Oh, really?

So that's how I came over.

Yeah.

But before that, I was actually working on Babe Station.

You were?

Call me.

Call me.

So it was actually set up.

So there was four different camming platforms that I was set up on at once, that you were to flip through.

I'm going to studio.

It looks like a bedroom, obviously.

And then you get TV slots.

So they're only like, I think, 20 minute TV slots at a time.

And you didn't always get them every shift.

Yeah.

Terrible pay.

I wouldn't recommend anyone to work there.

Oh, no.

It's that bad.

Do you know what?

I reckon you probably end up taking 30% of what you actually earn.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, because, right.

So the platforms you're set up on, so Babestation will take their cut, the platform will take their cut, and then you get whatever's left.

The highest paying out platform that they had on there was BS cams, Babestation cams.

That was 50%.

Really?

Yeah.

Jesus Christ, and I think 20% is bad for like, only fans of the platforms we're on.

It was fucking awful.

Like, you had a daily retainer of 100 pounds, so if you earn under that, then you're always guaranteed to earn 100 pounds.

But the shifts were eight hours.

You're allowed an hour break, but you had to take that in the middle of the day or whatever.

You couldn't take it at the end of your shift and go home at night.

So it was like a nine to five, basically, pretty much.

And you're live the whole time, though.

The whole time you're live, everyone can see you and they just pay to take you into a private room.

That is it.

Like, you've got to be acting up for cameras the whole time.

God, that sounds exhausting.

Yeah.

Horrendous.

I wouldn't recommend it.

What kind of stuff do you have to do on Babestation for anyone that hasn't seen Babestation?

But also, what happens when it's not during that 20 minutes?

So you have that 20 minute live bit and then what you do the rest of the time?

You have the 20 minute TV slot, but the rest of it, you're on cams.

Oh, right.

So you're still being watched.

So you're basically just a camming platform.

Yes.

See, that's the thing I don't like about camming, is having to sit in a room or something.

I find that quite intrusive.

I don't like being on cam too much, unless it's like a booked in cam session and I know what I'm doing.

What are you doing with that time?

You're going to hate it when we start doing video podcasts.

Rolling around on the bed.

Well, yeah, pretty much, basically, yeah, it was.

You had to just fucking act up for the whole time.

But you don't get naked in Babestation, do you?

What do you do?

You do?

Yes, mate, I used to make myself squirt and everything on Babestation.

You used to show the plump one.

I used to fuck myself.

Not on the telly, you're not allowed to show insertions on telly or pussy on telly.

The only time you're allowed to show pussy is if you did BX cams, and that was a late night thing and you had to go to like Milton Keynes for that.

Really?

Yeah, I never did that.

So did you, you just didn't earn that much and it was just...

Yeah, it was just shit.

It got me by while I needed it.

Yeah.

Yeah, ultimately it was not for me.

What was the weirdest sort of call you had on there?

Oh, okay.

So I had someone come in and basically wanted me to pretend like Harry Potter.

It's Harry Potter themed basically.

He called me his whore-miney, and he said, are you going to be my little Griffin whore?

We're getting t-shirts.

We're getting t-shirts made.

Are you going to be my Griffin whore?

Yes.

And then I had to tip my head over the edge of the bed, put a dildo at my mouth, and then asked me to shout my favorite Asian food.

I ignored the question because I panicked and I'm not good, but I'm put on the spot and I cannot answer, so I ignored it and a couple of minutes later, he fucking asked again.

So I panickedly shouted fucking onion bhajis with a cock in my mouth.

Wow.

There must be a real highlight of your career there.

Did anyone get this on video?

No.

It's something that really stuck, but I'm pretty sure I have screenshots of it on my phone because it was so fucking funny.

And I know of the chat, I took pictures of it because I was just like, what the fuck is this?

That's amazing.

He came back in later in the day actually and asked me to do fucking burpees on the bed, and I was like, no way.

I'll break the bed though, the producers will just hear me pounce and I'm down on the bed.

That's so weird.

I always wondered what kind of guy rings into these Babestation things.

Did you let him slither in?

Oh my God, yes, he said that.

He actually said that.

I fucking forgot about that.

Unreal.

So, okay, from Babestation then, what happened?

So you met this lady, did she start training you up or what happened?

No, so whilst I was at Babestation, I actually still had a newer job.

Really?

Yes, so I used to work at Goodwood.

I was a beauty therapist.

Before that, I worked.

You forgot how to do it?

No, I was so mean.

For God's sakes.

What the fuck you are, you just got killed.

You're just sinking.

Cogs are turning.

It took a minute.

It took a minute.

I retire after that one.

Yeah, I would.

Fucking old enough.

Oh, my God.

You see, like brother and sister, this is what I have to deal with every fucking time.

Boring story.

I've forgotten that.

You've interrupted me.

We used to work at Goodwood doing hair and makeup or something.

Hair and makeup, beauty.

A lot of massage, blah, blah, blah.

And yet I've never had one.

Cheers.

I mean, when have we ever been in a position to right now?

Many, many times.

Fucking strip off, babe.

Get the oil out.

You're always trying to get me naked.

She is.

She's awful.

The first time we met, you had your tongue shoved on my throat.

Hey.

Yeah, that sounds about right.

Same like me.

Maybe it sounds like me.

It sticks me all over my face.

Oh, sorry.

Every time I see her, like everyone's always like, what's all that red around Coco's mouth?

And I'm like, oh, my signature, right?

So then you had an Anilla job, Anilla, Anilla job.

And then so I did that.

I was still getting paid, obviously, through COVID.

And then I think it was maybe summer of 2021.

I'd met my friend like five months prior.

She was like, yeah, you need to get out of that, get over here because it's so much better.

So I did.

And then I stopped all that.

I stopped posting on my Anilla OnlyFans.

And then just kind of came over and it's progressed as time has gone on.

Nice.

How do you find it?

Do you like it?

Much better.

Much better.

I very much enjoy beating men up.

Yeah.

And you do like a lot of camming, don't you?

You're predominant.

So I'm more predominantly a sessions person and content, but you do a lot of cam work.

That's where a majority of my income comes from.

Yeah.

So I'm predominantly on Skype and adult work.

That's where a lot of that comes from.

Is that what you prefer doing or is that just the way it is?

That's just the way it is.

But to be honest, at the beginning, I hadn't done a lot of sessions.

So obviously I was a bit more nervous than it, but they don't really bother me anymore.

Like a session.

A session is a session, isn't it?

A session is a session, yeah.

But you do, you prefer doing live sessions, don't you?

Yeah, I prefer doing sessions because it's just a one-to-one, and I'm just better in person, I think.

It's just what you're used to, I think.

Exactly.

I suppose if you taught me, then I'd be good.

And if I taught you more in sessions and stuff, like you would be, we're pretty quick learners.

I will go and do sessions for a few of my subs.

I go and travel for them and do them.

You two do double sessions quite a lot, don't you?

Well, we do double filming.

We're yet to do double sessions, aren't we?

Yeah, we'll have to sort that out, actually.

No, we haven't actually done a double session.

Yeah, we always just end up filming.

We've spoken about it, but we've never.

Filming and fucking around with each other.

We have, basically.

Yeah, well, there you go.

Maybe that's something you could do.

We will do.

Yeah, we do quite well together when we're filming.

People like to see us together because we're both quite strong women, aren't we?

We're both muscular, but we're, I wouldn't say butch.

I think we do quite well with the lesbians.

We're built like builders, the pair of you.

Unbelievable.

Just because you're built like a fucking little bitch, me.

We're going to make out in a minute, aren't we?

You fucking wish.

I didn't even hear what he said.

He said, you're going to make out in a minute.

Yeah, no, sorry.

We've already done that note today.

That's not for your eyes.

So, yeah, so we've done quite a bit of filming together.

Yeah, we're always really popular when we do it together because she's like the brunette version of me.

Yeah.

So and we always have a laugh.

You can always tell we're enjoying ourselves, which I think is really important.

We don't like to take ourselves too seriously.

A lot of people are like, yeah, I'm going to look really serious.

It's funny you should say that.

Oh, God, because it brings me on to a question I found on the reddits.

Oh, God, here we go.

Are you excited?

So excited.

This is from the BDSM Advice Reddit again, subreddit, sorry.

Right, it's called Too Goofy to Be a DOM.

I love the idea of being DOM, but I tend to lean to the comical side.

I see plenty of DOMs being very serious, tough, and I wonder if I am doing the whole DOM thing correctly.

I mainly want my subs to feel safe and at ease, and I believe my humorous side gets the job done, but I am concerned that it might be a turnoff for somebody who is a sub.

So I'd say if it's a turnoff for them, then that sub isn't for you.

You should just be able to be 100% yourself when you're a DOM.

I have a joke and a laugh in all of my sessions because it makes it more fun.

I don't like being serious all the time.

I like being able to take the piss out of you.

And actually, a sub having a joke with me back, I think it makes it flow a lot more nicer.

Yeah, it's not that weird, awkward, how am I going to fill these moments sort of thing.

And I think like you had a seven-hour foot session yesterday or something.

Last week, I did a seven-hour foot session, mate.

How?

What do you do for seven hours?

It's bright.

So I was just sat in the chair for seven hours in the same spot.

He licked my shoes a bit and then had to hover my feet over him.

And then he had a few key trigger words that are forever burned in my brain now.

Tell them, tell us the key words.

Crap, congealed, shit, mud, to name a few.

Lovely.

Okay, for any idiots in the room.

Cracks and crevices.

What the fuck?

What is a trigger word?

I've never heard this before.

A trigger word.

So it's just a word that they really like that will get them really horny, basically.

Well, just a word.

Yeah.

You know, when you're having sex, you're like, yeah, fuck.

And you're like, oh, yeah, I like that.

Or like, if you say something like conditioning a slave's mind, and you use words like language that they like, some people like, oh, what a fuck you.

And some people would be like, I want you to ejaculate.

Like they like the proper pronunciation of the word.

I had no idea that was a thing.

Yeah.

No, it's a big thing.

I trigger words, like things that they enjoy, like come.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like just words that are all like a particular type of insult or something.

No, not potato.

No, do you know what?

It's probably, it's probably a thing somewhere.

Or I just meet somebody come online, didn't I, because they said potato.

Oh, I did it again.

No, stop making these these listeners come like this.

Potato.

Coming about due care and attention.

Poulcha, I'm sorry, whoever that is.

I'm going to pull you out of the ground and chop you up and bake you.

Don't we talk about turkeys?

We talked about turkeys in our last one.

Oh my god.

That's a ridiculous.

So she had a seven hour session with this guy.

And obviously being able to be a bit more funny and stuff, it made it obviously run a little bit.

Yeah, so do you know what?

The first session wasn't so much like that.

So we came back the next day for another four hour session, actually.

What?

Yeah, right.

Couldn't get enough of those toes.

Couldn't get enough of those toes.

So he bought two packs of biscuits, and I basically had to crush them.

Lotus Biscoff and Oreos.

What a waste.

Can't ever fucking eat those without looking at that now.

Had to crush them all up with my shoes, get them on my shoes.

He licked them off and then took my shoes off.

Had to crush them all up with my feet and get them all on my feet.

Then he'd lick that all off.

And then whilst my feet were wet, I had to get more and more layers of biscuits on them.

He wanted me to, like, basically had to pretend they were mud and shit and crap.

You had to build a buttery biscuit base.

You're making a cheesecake.

Yeah.

You could have done.

Literally cheesecake.

With those doughs.

Oh, for seven hours.

For seven hours, yeah.

The foot fetish thing is so massive, though.

Like, it is, do you know what?

It's one of the gateway kinks into kink, isn't it?

Really?

If someone's into feet, that's then, you know.

It is the marijuana of kink.

Quite a few dogs have started out doing foot stuff as well, and then they'll slowly.

Yeah.

And slowly creep over to expensive hand jobs.

Even me, with my massive big toe, sometimes get some foot fetish people as well.

I once had a guy tell me I needed to elongate my toes and go for elongated to go get toe extensions.

I was going to go to this foot fetish party.

I was really excited.

Yeah, she fucking counselled on me for this foot fetish party because she got bullied about her elongated toes, guys.

Who you were going with?

Yeah, it was me.

It was her.

And I was like, look, I'm really sorry.

I'd have pushed you out the door if I knew you were going with somebody like that.

I just didn't want to go to this pie.

Like, because foot fetish people also, they're not always submissive.

A lot of them are not.

And they're quite bossy.

If they're a fetishist, they're not submissive.

And they can be quite bossy.

And I don't sort of like the language sometimes they use.

If they're respectful and they're nice, they can massage my feet all day long.

A lot of my subs will massage my feet and they suck on my toes and stuff.

And I like to do that and tickle them.

I've got a guy that likes to tickle my toes.

That's quite cute.

But then, yeah, some of them, like you go to a foot party and there's like a wrong in there or something.

And they're just and then it can be like derogatory towards you as well.

There's just no respect.

They're not the sort of crowd I used to them, really.

Yeah, it's like a thing that I'll do in session.

And I quite enjoy having my feet massaged and I quite like having them licked.

But it's not one of my main things.

I used to absolutely hate it.

Yeah, I couldn't stand my feet being touched.

It's really grown on me since I've been...

And now you're chopping in seven-hour shifts.

It's really grown on me since I've been in the industry.

At the Cheesecake Factory.

At the Cheesecake Factory.

I say you're just going to get wild requests now for feet stuff.

That's fine.

Yeah.

I don't hate it anymore.

You're going to get a lot of foot stuff in your DMs, I reckon.

I would like a biscuity base.

Can I have a chocolate digestive base?

He brought chocolate digestives and rich teas the next day.

Yeah, I was going to say if he likes like mud, poo, crap, chocolate digestive would have surely been a better base than a biscotti.

I don't know, Oreo as well.

No, he got me to ditch Oreos because they weren't crushing up into smaller pieces.

So I had to use most of the fucking biscotti ones.

I sat there eating them at the same time as well though.

So it's brilliant.

I would have spat them right in his face.

Anyway, we were on a Reddit question.

We were on the Reddit question that you completely forgot about.

What was the Reddit question?

Oh, about being too goofy as a DOM.

I feel like that was a question that I probably could have asked when I was younger.

That little segment just explained it, to be honest.

Do you know what?

I don't think there's a right or a wrong way to be a DOM.

If strict and harsh and being a bitch is your MO, then you do that and that's what feels comfortable for you.

If you want to be an absolute goofball, then go and do it.

I am a mixture of both.

A lot of people online just think I'm a bit of a goofball.

They don't see the serious side of me unless I'm filming.

So when they see my films, they're like fucking hell.

Actually, you're really quite brutal.

So I've got two very different sides to me.

I can be loving, nurturing, caring, goofy as fuck.

But also I can be quite brutal, quite aggressive, quite strict.

And yeah, and sadistic.

I'm a DOMINATRIX.

I love being sadistic.

So but online, I think my personality and the way that I portray myself is more like a big old labrador.

I'm more like fun and bouncy.

I think sometimes there's a place to be a goofball, and sometimes there's a place to be strict.

Of course.

It all depends on the people that you session with.

Yeah.

But I think it's always important to stick to something that's similar to you, like unless you want to play a role.

For me, kink is about community, it's about my lifestyle, everything.

So I like me being me.

It makes the job more fun and easier, because if you're putting on a role constantly, it does get really tired.

And if a sub farts on your dick, then you can have a good laugh about it.

Whereas if you're getting pegged by a really fucking strict mistress, imagine if you farted on their dick, you'd be like horrified, wouldn't you?

Whereas with a goofier DOM, you're going to feel more comfortable.

You're like, oh, this is fine if a little bit of poop flies out on the floor and she slips in it.

She's not going to kill me.

That's so gross.

It's happened to me before.

But if you, I'm just, right, how do I word this?

What's the one?

Perspective-wise, that question wouldn't have been asked if it wasn't the norm for DOMINATRIXs to be strict all the time.

Well, I think there's obviously online people can come across a lot different to what they actually are.

Like, it's a persona, right?

And what you're seeing online is mainly content and videos, professional production videos.

You're not seeing one-to-one sessions.

You're not seeing two people actually having a session.

Like, sometimes I'll do a behind-the-scenes stuff, and my behind-the-scenes stuff is fucking hilarious because they're all bloopers.

And that's actually how a session goes.

Yeah, I get that.

Maybe you're misunderstanding me.

What's the question?

I think surely that's what is normal for DOMINATRIXes to be strict and miserable.

No.

Because...

But then why was the question even asked?

I've met a lot of DOMs that have a laugh and a joke, but at the same time, I've met quite a few that are quite serious.

I think it depends on your style.

Just a big old mix, and it doesn't really matter.

I think...

The end result, right?

I think the older generation is modelled on the high protocol.

The stricter ones.

The stricter ones.

So the OGs are more strict.

Because if you think about it, back in the day, there wasn't as many DOMINATRIX offering sex and stuff.

In DOMINATRIX porn, it was not as well known that people would have sex with their subs and stuff.

It was like a forbidden almost.

And then as time has gone on, it's become more relaxed.

It's on porn habits, on new porn.

And now people think the other way like, oh, I can have sex with my DOMINATRIX.

You're like, no, no, no, that's porn.

That's not a session.

So I think just people's perceptions, because everything is online as well, because back in the day, you didn't have online, you had the back of a magazine and a woman looking strict and harsh, like imagine she's like, hey, thumbs up on a dick and a dick in my hand.

Like, it's not going to sell, is it?

No, I can have a laugh and a joke in a fucking magazine.

Yeah, like we say, I think as times gone on and social media and everything, I think that portrayal of being a strict, sadistic mistress is still quite hot.

But at the same time, it's nice to know that they're actually a fucking human being until you feel.

But for some people, they would just like someone strict and stuff all the time.

That is their thing.

Yeah.

And to them, I say good luck because, well, yeah, I mean, just find the mistress that's fine.

That's your thing, isn't it?

Yeah.

You just got to find what's best for you.

But then, yeah, like I had a guy who liked stricken stuff.

And then he made a mistake and he was terrified.

And he was like, oh, and I was like, it's cool, chill.

And he was like, oh my God, my last mistress would beat the fuck out of me and knock consensually and stuff.

And I was like, dude, we're humans, calm down.

Yeah, it happens.

So there you go.

That's your take.

Yeah, I agree, really.

I think it doesn't matter, does it?

Behave how you wish to behave.

As long as you're respectful.

Yeah, as long as you're respectful and your sub loves it, it doesn't really matter, right?

Yeah, you do you, boo.

Also, got a technical question.

Go on.

I was doing some reading earlier on about something.

I can't remember what it was about.

Anyway, and I know I've really managed to read with that one eye of yours really slowly, really, really slowly.

And I realized I don't know the difference between a sub and a slave.

I think I understand that it's a reading.

Okay, give us a sub is a submissive is somebody that partakes in the submissive stuff, but has an opinion and can voice an opinion and say, I'd rather not do that.

Yes, I'd love to do this.

Or as a slave just does what the father told.

Is that how it works?

I think it's important to remember that no matter what it is, it's all consensual.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.

Slave or not, but I think a lot of people don't like the term slave now.

I saw this whole thing on Twitter quite a while ago.

I see less of it.

And they were saying, oh, no, don't use the word slave, use the word submissive.

Like I use slave, I use sub.

It depends on the context.

It depends what I'm posting.

It's not meant to be there to offend anyone.

It's just a title like miss or goddess.

Depends what they prefer to be called.

A lot of them, you know, you give them a choice.

Would you rather be a sub or a slave?

I call my guys my subs.

Yeah, my sub stable.

That's just what we are.

But, you know, some people like when someone approaches you like mistress, can I be your slave?

But for me, a sub is so I treat clients like slaves.

They're slaves until they become for me, my submissive.

Until you've like figured out their personality.

Yeah, and then they become my sub because I know them.

They're a person.

They're a thing.

They're not like an inanimate object.

How do I say that?

Inanimate.

Inanimate.

I am really struggling today.

You did it.

And I just think submissive is a more friendly, lovely term.

But if someone wants me to be strict and harsher, I would probably use the terminology slave.

Right.

So my understanding was that they are two different things.

Neither one of them can have a fucking opinion.

They are both submissive people.

It's like that umbrella thing again, isn't it, that we were talking about earlier?

What umbrella?

Umbrella terms.

Yeah, the umbrella term.

I can't remember what we were talking about.

We went off on a tangent and came back around.

Always tangenting.

We just call it the tangent podcast at this point.

That's not a bad idea, really.

Okay, so how do you find what?

Okay, Coco, what are your favorite kind of sessions to do?

CBT.

Why?

I mean, isn't it kind of fucking obvious?

That's the cock and ball torture one, isn't it?

That is the cock and ball torture one, isn't it?

Why?

Because it's so much fun.

Why is that your fun one?

What is it that makes it fun?

It's all fun.

It's generally the wimpers that I get out of them.

I just find it fucking hilarious.

It's so funny.

You're just making this man moan like wine, like a little bitch, because you're cooking them in the balls.

You're like, this is fucking hilarious.

It's fun.

You've got some big old arms on you as well.

I imagine you could do some damage.

Yeah, I could.

Use the balls like a punch bag.

Do you know what?

I've sold a few clips of that.

I was doing martial arts and stuff.

I was like, why are the balls?

Do you know what?

I don't actually get that many ball busting and stuff.

Because not a lot of people can take it.

It is quite...

Very first number one session was, wasn't it?

Yeah, my first session ever was...

I had to kick him like a hundred times in the cock, and his cock was turning blue and black.

It was crazy.

I was like, this is magical, and I love this.

I love every single thing about it.

And I shaved down a picture, and he was like...

Yeah, that was...

All he could do was...

That was in this room.

Yeah, this is in this very room.

And you were next door hiding.

Obviously, safety.

And all you could hear was...

Screaming.

I had to put my AirPods in.

How awful for you.

This guy had like a little shoelace set up as well.

He put a little shoelace and tied it all up.

Oh, really?

Yeah, it was mad.

He MacGyvered his penis so you could beat it.

I've really come on a bit, though.

Like all the bits and pieces, you can get like so many torture devices, which you never think of.

They look like almost kitchen equipment.

Like a...

Oh, really?

Yeah, like you can get a cock, like it's like a metal circle and it's got spikes in it, and it's like a cock.

A hoop or a ring?

Like a ring, and it's full of spikes.

And then when they get hard, the spikes go into the penis, so you're teasing them and that, and they don't want to get hard on because it's going to fucking hurt.

But they've got no choice because men can't control their dicks.

They cannot.

We're in control of the dick.

And so they're getting hard and the spikes getting in and in and in.

And I'm like, well, you've only got yourself to blame because you're getting hard.

Why are you getting hard?

And they're like, oh, mistress, help me.

One of my favorites.

It sounds like Chinese water torture.

Kind of.

You just can't ever turn it off.

Exactly.

One of my favorites is the ball parachute.

I absolutely love ball weights.

So you attach a parachute to the men's balls.

Parachute?

Yeah, it's like a parachute.

It looks like a little parachute and there's a hole.

And then you put the balls through the hole and then you clip it in.

So you connect weights to the bottom.

So you're basically just weighing the balls down.

Yeah, so you're weighing the balls down and you can swing them and everything.

And I've got one guy, we've talked about it before, and he's got a bucket.

I always like to put a bucket under mine.

Yeah, you just add and that's another form of CBT.

You've got the, you've got this, like, I've got two of them.

You've got this weird board.

It's got a hole in it for the balls and the cock.

And then you've got another board and you squish the balls in there and you clamp it.

And so you squish, you know, like a jackass.

It's like the thing you use to press flowers.

Yeah, you know, a jackass, when they make their cocks completely flat and then they play tennis, table tennis.

It's one of them.

And you can use them with electrics and all sorts of.

Humblers.

Yeah, humblers.

What's that?

So it basically makes them go on their knees.

Yeah.

Their arms are in it.

Sometimes their balls are in it.

What is it?

Like a tie up thing?

Yeah, kind of.

So it can sit across the back of your thighs and then your balls are in it.

Oh, I know what you mean.

Yeah, if you move at certain angles, your balls are getting fucked up.

So you can't stand up straight basically, because if you do, you're going to rip your balls back off.

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't.

It's really funny.

I did that on Friday, actually, with my Friday boy.

Had him in a humbler.

Yeah, he's never had one before.

So it's funny.

He was screaming like an absolute bitch.

Is he going to do that again or not?

What he's going to do is he's told so.

My favorite thing is I've got this like cattle prod thing, like a taser.

I've got one of those, and I swear that was one of my first sessions that I done, actually, like in London.

Really?

And the sub ended up buying me one because they had it at the drama, because I just loved it so much.

And it's one of my favorite things to use.

Oh, I love it.

Is that the thing you were chasing people around at the social with?

Yes, the electric shocker thing.

And do you know what?

It doesn't hurt, but it is shocking.

No, you can get it to hurt on the right spot.

Do you know what?

Don't even think about it.

The bottom of the feet is a really sensitive one, apparently.

Yeah, so I was tying up my servant.

Quick, short press of it as well, and then touch them with it.

It hurts even more than the bigger ones.

And it hurts when it's silent.

When it goes silent, it hurts even more.

And if they're really hairy, sometimes it will bounce off all the hair.

Fuckin loads of ones.

And honestly, I've had a bit of, like, bloke's hair smoking from my arsehole.

Because I'm just fucking...

So you tie the balls up, and then you zap them, and yeah, they will start sweating.

Yeah.

Or that is quite the torture.

Who did you do that to someone on their birthday quite recently?

What did they say?

Yeah, that was the same guy that came on Friday.

Oh, is it?

Yeah.

Do you know what?

OK, so he doesn't like fear play, but I really do.

And the way that he reacts to the fear play makes me laugh so hard.

And so I just spent an hour on Friday absolutely dying.

It was so funny.

And he was just getting so sweaty.

And so, but he was still managing to maintain an erection.

So I was like, obviously not that scared.

And he was like, no, no, I don't like it.

I don't like it.

You know what I'm about to ask you, don't you?

What was fear play?

Oh, fricking fricker.

Yeah, you went off, then I was like, huh?

Fear play.

So it's sort of lying into someone's fear is what it says it is.

So if you're scared of, I don't know, rabbits.

Rabbits are going to bring a rabbit puppet in and pretend like it's going to attack you.

Also, you're not scared of rabbits.

OK, I'm going to put my finger in your bum.

You're scared of that.

And I'm going to be like, oh, I'm going to tie you up.

I'm going to stick my finger in your bum.

And you don't want it in that.

And you just sort of tease them.

You don't have to actually do the thing that you're saying that you're doing.

But because sometimes it's enough to put the fear.

You make believe in that you are going to do the thing.

OK, it's a bit like a hostage interrogation.

Like some people's fantasies of that.

So you put the fear in them.

You're like, I'm going to torture you.

I'm going to do this.

I'm going to do that.

So even just holding the zapper to a person that doesn't like it and the fear of, oh, that's going to hurt.

Oh, like that.

And you're just teasing them with them.

So it's more of a mental thing than a physical thing.

So it's that fear.

They're like, oh, God.

And sometimes the fear has an extreme reaction where they're like really horny by it.

And I had a sub at the beginning of the week who wasn't really enjoying it.

Then he was like, oh, my God, it feels like I'm on a roller coaster.

He was, he was like, oh, my God, I feel like I'm on a roller coaster, like the adrenaline because he was all relaxed and he'd be like, and we'd take him up heightened.

And then he'd all that adrenaline rushing through him.

And then he'd go back down again when I settled him, relaxed him, and then bring him back up again with Fear Play.

And he really enjoyed that feeling.

Sounds like a lot of work for a hand job, I've got to be honest.

Oh, for God's sakes.

Sounds like there's a lot.

The end goal isn't always a hand job.

Can you stop it?

Otherwise, all I'm going to get is just clients wanting hand jobs.

Cheaper and easier if you all stayed at home, lads.

Well, the podcast would be very boring then, wouldn't it?

I'd still have a blast.

Unbelievable.

I don't know how many times I say unbelievable on a podcast.

Fear Play.

So I'm assuming there's a lot of other kinks that by nature have Fear Play involved in them.

Like Knife Play, Needle Play.

Yeah.

And the people that have like the...

It's got to be involved in CNC quite a lot, right?

Yeah, absolutely.

And people that have the rape fantasy one.

Look at you, you're learning.

I was doing reading about rape fantasy earlier.

I bet you were.

Why?

It just seemed like a really good way of getting out of actual rape in court.

What?

What do you mean why?

Because of what you do for a living.

That's why I was reading it.

I actually think it stems from a place of fucking trauma.

Yeah, 100%.

Oh, 100% it does.

Yeah, of course it does.

Yeah, it's got to, right?

So you were talking in the car earlier, weren't you?

Say what you said in class.

But aren't the majority of kinks born out of trauma?

Yes.

Born out of something from when you were small?

You don't get into this job if you are a mentally sane person.

Like, you have trauma if you're in this job.

That's why I'm sat on this side of the room and you two are over there.

Well, yeah.

You get into this job because you have some form of sexual trauma.

We've had this discussion before about submissives, haven't we?

We said the same thing.

Well, they just turn their trauma into kinks.

Like the small penis humiliation, that's a very obvious one.

So essentially, you're making the best out of a bad thing, and that's brilliant.

Well done, you lot.

Yeah.

Same with DOMs, though.

Turned that around quick, didn't I?

You did.

But like, so for DOMs, it's very empowering, especially if like, something bad happened to you as a small person, like a family member or a man sexually abused you.

Yeah.

It feels very powerful as a grown ass woman to them be turning the tables down, turning tables around on men.

So it's really empowering and it feels-

Oh yeah, it's got to be a much higher chance that you're going to go down this road.

Some women go the other way and they become very submissive and very like, I used to be.

Well, you were young, do you know what I mean?

You started this when you were 18.

And everyone's still learning.

We're always learning.

Oh yeah, I forget you're only like 20, what, five, six?

25.

25 now, yeah.

I know, it's birthday next month.

Bring out the strippers.

We have to get Wednesday to order a stripper.

I want you to strip for me.

I don't know if I could.

You know, I'm busy that day.

My knees are weak.

Excellent.

It's going to be you and your imaginary friend on your birthday.

Can you strip for me and we can go together?

Excellent.

I love these plans that we're making.

Oh yeah, that's right.

We were talking about that earlier.

We're going to drink wine and go on the high ropes.

Yeah, I think it'd be more fun to drink liters of wine.

I'm not a wine girl.

I mean, I beg to differ.

I mean, I can't wine.

I'm not scared of a lot, but heights.

You're going to hold the bags, aren't you?

I'll hold the bags if I must.

Yeah, that sounds like a good day out.

For you.

It does sound like a good day out.

And for Coco.

No, I suppose it's her birthday.

It is her birthday.

Talking of rape.

Hello, talking of rape.

And awful, awful things.

My inbox.

I got this today.

So on TikTok.

Wait a minute.

No, we're not opening up inbox.

Yeah, I just wanted to...

Why?

I thought you were going to open the inbox.

Look, you're not in control.

Stop it.

Well, there's two of us and one of you.

And two of us here go to the gym, and it ain't you.

Sorry, my guy.

You're outnumbered.

Yeah, that's right.

Shut your eye and your mouth.

Shut your eye.

Honestly, I wish you could see his eyeball right now.

It looks terrible.

Yeah, he looks awful.

I'm going to relish.

I'm taking it more awful than usual.

Yeah, I'm going to take it.

Before you do or open the inbox, by the way, it's time for...

Open your inbox.

Just can't help yourself, can you?

No, I couldn't.

Now I'm going to do...

Ridiculous.

I'm not going to open it now.

I'm going to refuse.

So I did TikTok this week.

I don't really use TikTok a lot.

I got really viral really quickly on my first account, and then they banned me because I kicked a cock across a garden, and they didn't like that.

Not a real cock.

Not a real cock, ladies and gentlemen.

Not a rooster.

No, it was just a BBC, a big black one.

A big black rubber one.

And they didn't like that.

So I've not been...

And every time I post on TikTok, I find it extremely exhausting and stuff, and it's just full of lots of crazy stuff.

I don't have any platform now.

It is.

It's just over saturated with...

And a lot of these people that are making this Femdom content and stuff don't even do sessions.

They don't even know what they're doing.

They're just doing things that they think people will like.

So all of these really big Femdom creators, half the time, they don't do sessions.

They don't do in-person meets.

They are playing a fucking character.

Are they portraying themselves as somebody that has sessions?

Yeah, they're portraying themselves as someone who does online things and stuff and is purely online.

And they don't understand the ramifications of people's mental health and stuff because they don't do sessions.

So, and then, you know, it just, like I said, over saturates the market and fills it with a load of uneducated people and then gives us a bad name when something does go wrong.

So anyway, I did a TikTok and I made two TikToks.

I did one where I was a goalie in a latex cat suit and I was batting away cocks saying this is my Monday morning inbox, which is very funny.

Can you tell people where they can find this?

Yes, I'm not down with the kids.

Let me look at my username.

God sakes.

I'm an old lady.

Please.

Okay.

My username on TikTok is at mpccandy with an I.

Mpc and then candy.

Yeah.

Mpccandy.

With an I.

Yeah.

With an I.

Okay.

So there you go.

That's doing what?

I've got a thousand fans.

No, I've had loads before and then they banned me.

They said I was too juicy.

So I'm pretending to be a goalie.

I'm wearing a latex cat suit and I'm just batting cocks out the way that being thrown at my head.

And I was like, it's blatantly getting a band of TikTok.

And it hasn't, which is crazy.

And it's got quite a few views, which I know there's still time.

Some arseholes are going to listen to some of that.

And then I made a family friendly one with bananas.

So the subs in the garden throwing these bananas at me in the goal.

And one just smacks me right on the head.

And I was like, I love my job.

Oh, is that on there now?

Can people see that now?

The banana one, yeah.

I uploaded the banana one.

Great times.

There we go, everyone.

So enjoy my wholesome quality TikTok creations.

Right.

So now I open your inbox.

When I was on...

I know.

So long winded.

So when I was on TikTok, people can message you on TikTok.

I had no idea.

And I had this box full of shitty nonsense.

And one of them is not okay.

Okay.

Not okay, sir.

I want to be blackmailed.

I know.

So I want to be blackmailed and punished by a female DOM.

I'm a paedophile faggot.

What?

Obviously didn't reply.

I was like, nah.

And then proceeded a week later to text me again at 8.54 in the morning.

Do these people not sleep?

8.54.

May the third.

Let's have a look at May the third.

What was this guy doing on May the third?

You seem like you might be autistic.

Have a guess.

Oh, let's go with a...

No, because May the fourth.

What day was May the fourth?

No, just guess what day it is.

I'm going to go with Friday.

Nope, it was a Monday.

Oh!

Monday morning madness.

I was worried it was going to be a Monday.

Yeah.

You always know they're a bit unhinged if it's a Monday.

It's when their wives...

Do you know what?

It's when their wives have gone to work or something, and they've got like a half day or...

They're like, yeah, I'm free to be a fucking weirdo.

Hanging out for the weekend, and now he's on his way to work.

Finally got out of the house.

And his first message was, I'm a submissive paedophile and have recently been released from blackmail chastity.

What?

Yeah.

I mean, in what sort of world?

I think sometimes they just do it because they want like...

Also, I've got a question here that I might have to take out the podcast.

Oh, God.

How on earth do you get a submissive paedophile?

I don't...

You don't.

That's not a thing.

It's not a thing.

I feel like a lot of them do it for the shock factor, because they want you to be like, Oh, my God.

But really, we're just going to block you and not reply.

What paedophile is waiting for kids to come and take the lead?

TikTok or something?

No, we're doing it.

Apparently, these guys are grooming my guy.

Yeah, it's just...

It's very odd.

And I wish I hadn't seen these things.

And yeah, like you say, I think they just try and do as much as they can to be shocked at me so that they can get like a response out of you.

And we're not going to rise to it because we get hundreds of dickheads in our inbox.

So we're just going to be like, block, delete, okay, my guy.

Yeah, somebody's a bit too efficient with blocking and deleting because I did speak to the Countess Coco earlier on and asked her to get ready with her, open the inbox.

I didn't use that thing.

Do it again.

Open your inbox.

Ridiculous.

I spent so much time doing that, I'm using it.

But she's already deleted that up.

She's got no funny ha ha's in her inbox.

She's got no juicy juices.

She's got nothing you can remember.

No, no, I don't really pay so much attention to them.

I don't even open them.

Just don't open them.

Because they're just going to be wasting my time.

Yeah, yeah, I get that.

I do get that.

You just want a free conversation out of me, mate.

Well, if anybody out there wants to send The Countess Coco, some awful shit in her inbox, courtesy of me.

Send me some weird shit.

You can find her on Twitter at TheCountessCoco, but their last O in Coco is a zero because she's weird.

Makes sense?

Somebody took my name.

Did they?

Yeah.

Otherwise, it would have been normal.

If you tracked them down.

No.

So what do you do when you're not hitting people on that?

What else are you into?

You do other stuff, right?

I go to the gym.

Yeah.

I do Strong Woman.

And anything else?

Any other interests?

I have plants.

Yeah.

I'm a horticulturist.

Anything else you want to talk about?

I'm a massive horticulturist of all.

It sounds like you know something that I don't.

Anything else you want to talk about?

Fuck you.

Oh, God.

It's a bit of a country music for you.

Oh, yeah.

I'm a little country bumpkin.

I love country music.

I've done it for years.

You love a bit of country.

I love it.

I go lion dancing every couple of weeks as well.

Yeah.

Have you noticed how much more do you actually go every couple of weeks?

I thought you were joking last time you said that.

I fucking honestly love it.

Life is so much more fun now I go lion dancing.

Could you do a lion dancing session?

Sorry, what was that?

I could teach you a few dances.

Life is so much more fun when I'm lion dancing.

Yeah, that's what she said out loud.

That's going on a t-shirt.

Generally what I said.

And ladies and gentlemen, she's 25 years old.

Honestly, do you know what?

I don't care.

She's 25, loves country music and house plants.

Yeah, there we go.

Fucking wife material.

You sound like you should be 70 plus.

I'm going to be named Brenda.

I've got my outdoor plants too.

What?

Yeah.

You're mental.

I know.

Indoor and outdoor.

They're not as well cared for as my indoor.

I'll be honest.

But yeah, I like plants.

Greenery just really does something for me.

I like plants.

Makes me happy.

Yeah, I was well impressed when we took her into the lounge with all these plants that you keep buying with all this money.

That I'm earning a hard crust, you know, working, working my fingers down to the bones in these bumholes.

You're wasting all this money on plants.

She could name every single plant in that room.

I was incredibly impressed.

So I think I might have to get my submissives to play a game.

We should get all of my submissives to put a plant in their ass.

What about putting their heads in a plant pot?

Yeah, we talked about that earlier, didn't we, for a clip?

Water them.

Waterboarding.

Yeah, waterboarding plant pots.

We've got some really good creative ideas for our next porno.

We have plenty of plants that we can take from here to fucking use in with the mix.

Absolutely not.

Absolutely.

I don't want any of the plants from here put in any big bumhole.

They're not going in anyone's bumhole.

I just mean for the set, you know?

Just for the background.

For the dressing.

I think it would be really hard to put a plant in an asshole.

Especially the roots.

I don't know.

I wouldn't recommend that.

Okay.

This I have to get off my chest quickly.

Sorry.

I know I'm talking a lot.

So my sub didn't go to badminton.

He was meant to go to badminton.

No, he did go to badminton.

He's meant to take a picture of himself.

As in the place or the sport?

The sport.

So he's meant to take a picture every time he's done a bit of exercise because that's how I keep him on track.

Is he a chubby little shit?

No, he's not a chubby little shit, but he likes to stay accountable.

So I say every time you need to tell me what you've done, what you're doing, I need a picture of proof that you've been to said place.

And that's an agreement we've got between us.

I do it with a couple of myself.

Makes complete sense.

Well, I'm not just a DOM.

I'm a lifestyle coach.

You don't even believe that yourself, do you?

That's ridiculous.

I could barely control my own life.

So yeah, he didn't send me one.

And every time he doesn't do a picture, he has to get a task.

And so the last task he had...

Oh, like a punishment task?

Yeah, kind of like something humiliating for me to laugh at.

So you know who this is.

So the last one I did...

Yes, you do.

So the last one I did, he had to put his penis in a hot dog roll and then put mayonnaise and ketchup and stuff on it and fuck it.

Oh my God.

I know, it was hilarious.

But he came with a BAP instead of a hot dog roll.

And I was like, no, this is not good enough.

So I made him go to the shop.

As in like a round shaped roll?

Yeah, he got a BAP.

And I was like, that is not good enough.

I need to see that dick in a hot dog roll.

That is what I've asked for.

Give me what I want.

And he was like, but what about the wasted bread?

Well, freeze the other bits.

Calm down Bono.

You can just have one.

Yeah, it was very funny.

What about a sandwich trying to negotiate what kind of bread it was?

And I was like, it's a hot dog.

There's no negotiation here.

So he had to do it all again the next day.

So he did a BAP and a roll.

I know.

Good thing it wasn't gluten intolerant, right?

Yeah, too right.

So anyway, he didn't go to Bapminton.

He didn't go to Bapminton.

And I was in the car, I was driving to the filming, and I was like, you know what?

Do you know what I really want to say?

You know, like in Jackass, when the penis is going through like it's coxilla, and he's destroying all of the...

Who was that?

Pontius?

Pontius, always Chris Pontius, isn't it?

Always.

So...

His Godzilla scene or something, isn't it?

Yeah, the Godzilla scene where his dick is like Godzilla, and then it's going through all these different scenes, destroying buildings.

And I was like, I want you to recreate this for me.

And he's like, you're fucking what?

And I was like, I know you've got some time in your hands today.

I want you to draw a face and make it look like a coxilla.

And I want you to do lots of different actions and stuff.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, no, on his balls.

I want his balls to crush stuff.

So he has to bash his balls at the same time as crushing stuff.

Did the penis not get cast in this?

No, the penis was the main feature.

He'd wrapped it in green tape to make it look like some sort of dinosaur.

It's actually hilarious.

And it had a little lead.

Yeah, don't.

I've showed you the coxilla.

It's hilarious.

And he's even put theme tune music to it.

So we've got different scenes, though.

We've got Godzilla music and we've got Jurassic Park.

And the first one, let me get it up, please.

This is the funniest thing I've ever seen.

There's six clips.

And the first one, he's got plants.

Here we go.

We've got plants in the background and a best part.

This is I can see exactly who it is because their names at the top of the screen.

And then he's got like little Lego dirty bugger.

And then he's got like little Lego figurines and he's he's made all houses.

What are you doing?

I don't know.

I'm fingering the mic.

He's got these little metal not metal.

Identify as Mike.

But even Mike identifies as Mike.

He's got toilet roll, you know, like empty toilet roll tubes, and he's made them into like little buildings.

And he's got the greenery in the background.

He's got a little Lego man.

And then he's got his his cock in his balls and he's bashing around these buildings with a whole Hollywood set.

I don't know if Hollywood set is the right word.

That's crazy.

And his penis is flopping about to this.

And then he's got one of the Godzilla ball wrecks, as he's called it, and it's swimming.

It's swimming through to its next destination.

He's dipping his balls in a cold pool.

And then at the end, he completely bashes these things.

He knocks the city over.

I know.

And it's all accompanied with music and everything.

And he was like, where do you get these ideas from?

And I was like, I don't know.

It's just me.

Just me.

I literally just came to me and I was like, that's what I want to see.

I want to see that today.

Do you make your submissives do this?

I don't want to say Jurassic Park kind of things.

I like making them fucking.

What would you like?

I know what you prefer.

Oh, God.

Do you reckon it would be some sort of Western?

Make them do a little hoedown, do a little dance, learn a line dance for me.

Oh, God.

That's how she gets sensuous.

I'm going to make my sub so I can do that for the next task, I think.

The same Texas.

Yeah, you get a few of them together.

How many do you need for a line in a line dance?

Well, it's not really.

You can just do it on your own.

Yeah, that's boring.

It's not really a line though, is it?

Well, but you're doing...

I can't call it full stop dancing.

Well, I can do line dancing on my own, so...

Do you do it?

Do you practice it?

That is a really, really sad thought.

I know the fucking line dance to Ed Sheeran's Shivers.

I can fucking do it right now, mate.

This is when I wish this was filmed.

I love it.

Yeah.

Because we are going to film this soon, aren't we?

We are, yeah.

People keep asking and I keep threatening that we are going to video this podcast.

God, I don't know how I feel about that.

Yeah, especially after you were talking.

I did mention it earlier, but you were too busy talking.

Surprise, surprise.

I did mention earlier that we're going to start videoing it when you were talking about how you didn't like being on camera.

I was like, it's going to be a problem.

I love being on camera.

Look at me.

Yeah, you're like the opposite.

You love it.

Yeah, you're right on there, and I'm a bit more like...

You're dribbling.

You're dribbling.

We're talking about getting on camera and you're dribbling.

So she does that for her work.

So anyway, let's get back to Coco, because I don't feel like we've spoken enough to her.

Yeah, let's get back to her.

So can work, because I don't really know that much about it myself.

And I'm pretty sure most of the listeners don't know much about it.

I don't know a damn thing about it.

No, you just know about me putting my fingers in people's bumholes.

Pretty much.

So what are you doing on CAM?

Give us an average week for you.

What does your working week look like?

So I'll generally at CAM from Tuesday to Saturday.

Generally Fridays and Saturday nights, like late nights in the prime time to work.

Yeah.

Really?

Everyone's been out on the piss, they'll come home.

Is it generally single men?

No.

Well, the wives are in bed?

Yes.

Scandalous.

Wives are in bed in a separate room.

They have all these little fantasies they've made up.

What's your most popular request?

I'd probably say cucking with their wife or pegging.

Do you know what?

Cam is generally like sessions, but you've just got to talk.

It's like a session, but you're just on camera.

So I'd be all right with that, then, because I'll fucking talk my answer.

You could talk for fucking England, mate, so yeah.

Because you're not actually doing it, though, are you?

The only problem is that they'd have to book so much time.

Sometimes I'll get props and fucking get my straps and stuff like that.

Like, they like stuff like that.

Or a lot of the time, I can literally just sit and talk to the camera.

Jesus Christ, I'm missing out here, aren't I?

I could be making a bloody fortune.

Yeah, but they'd have to book so much time with you.

I know.

It would never end.

Because they'd never get there.

They'd never get there.

Oh, just constant diversions.

They'd be like, yes, mistress, I'd love the fact that you've got six counts, but could you please stay back on track?

I know.

Yeah, we'd just never get to the finish point, would we?

I'd be like, this is really edging you.

Edging you for hours, forever.

This has been edging me for several weeks.

So your working hours are?

So generally from midday to about four, five o'clock, and then I'll go to the gym in the evenings.

That's weekdays.

Yeah.

Fridays, I'll probably work from like six till three a.m.

Saturdays, the same.

Is it mainly UK?

Mainly.

There's a few Americans, but not a lot.

Merica.

But not a lot.

Yeah, there's some abroad people, but.

And what would you normally use as a cam site?

What are your favorites?

I generally use adult work.

Is that any good?

That's what I started off on.

It's all right.

They pay out 70 percent, which isn't amazing.

It's not amazing.

It's not the worst.

It's not the worst.

So they're keeping 30 percent out of work.

They're doing more than that.

So they'll take 30 percent.

They put a fee on top of my cam fee.

So my cam fee actually comes up more than what I charge because they charge the fee.

And then they'll take a connecting fee.

So however long your call is, they'll take a certain bit of money from that.

Nice of them.

Yeah, so they're making a fair bit.

And then a processing fee for processing the payment.

See, the thing with adult workers is it's a great site.

It needs more updating.

It's a very...

It's archaic, that site.

Yeah, and they did do an update.

They did an update recently, but I still think there is room in the market for something better or they could upgrade or something.

I think they should be treating their sex workers a lot better.

There's a lot more they should be doing for it.

And they're just rinsing us.

They're not rinsing the clients.

They're rinsing us as the sex workers.

And without us, that platform wouldn't exist.

Like OnlyFans, without us, that platform wouldn't have existed.

It wouldn't have done as well as it did.

Like a lot of these platforms.

So essentially, you need like another OnlyFans that's not OnlyFans.

Maybe, oh, like just something you're not, yeah.

But you need somewhere that you can advertise sessions and stuff, because there's only a limited amount of places that you can advertise your services, because people don't like it.

Again, I feel like adult work is very over saturated.

It's hard to fucking find anything on there, if I'm honest.

Yeah, I find it so confusing.

It's so old and weird.

I haven't been on this since the update though, to be fair.

You haven't been on there at all, shut your mouth.

Why have you been on there?

When I did all your profile stuff.

Hey, you helped me with my profile stuff.

Yeah, dress it up how you like.

But yeah, since the update, I've not seen it, but it was so bad then.

I just can't get to grips with the camming as well, like the camming set up and stuff where you sat in a room for ages and people can join you for a chat.

And I don't know, maybe if I did some practice on it, I'd be better.

You know, I know some other DOMs that are really good at the old cam work and stuff.

I'm just, yeah, I tend to do private cams, which I much more enjoy, like scheduled in ones.

Yeah, and I do quite a few of them on my Skype.

Plus you haven't got to chip off a percentage for that.

Yeah, so when people go to places like Skype and things like that, we're getting all the money.

Yeah.

That's bonus, isn't it?

So I will do a lot of Skypes and I'll see if I can.

Yeah.

You wouldn't mind dropping off the 20 or 30% to somebody if they were doing something?

Yeah.

Because what are they doing otherwise?

Just connecting you to somebody that wants the service.

I get that much, but that's it.

They don't really advertise you well or anything.

Like you're just at the bottom of the list all the time.

And you've got to pay to be at the top of the list.

Yeah, you've got to pay.

And then if you change location, there's a thing that they brought in as well.

If you change location.

So a lot of sex workers travel a lot.

A lot of cam girls travel a lot.

If you want to change your location on there, they charge you money to change your location.

And people are like, you're taking the piss out of us now.

Well, you know, this wouldn't exist without us.

And you're just rinsing us for every little thing you've got.

Yeah.

Well, I guess they kind of, you know, they've got a market.

And well, people have paid on sex workers for us.

Rapidly running out of places to go.

It's history.

Yeah.

And it just keeps happening and happening.

So until people start creating other things and bits, then yeah, we just, we sort of just have to put up with it.

But I don't think we should have to put up with it.

And it makes me cross.

So I will be looking into other avenues.

Really?

Might do.

Yeah.

Really?

Might do, actually.

So have you ever, all right, Coco, give us a couple of good cams that you've done, like your funniest ones, your worst ones.

Has anyone ever caught their husbands?

Because I've had a few where they've been caught wanking under a Christmas tree.

Yeah, I remember that.

I don't think I've ever had anyone being caught.

Really?

Because you're a professional, isn't it, Coco?

Well, no, they've quickly logged off because their wife's coming and they've heard them moving around.

They're like, fuck bye.

No, I've never had anyone been caught.

Have you not?

How is it I don't do as many cams as you and I get all of this nonsense?

What's your funniest cam?

What have you made someone do?

I don't know if it's funny.

It's rather, if it's your kink, cool.

But I've made a guy shit on a plate and eat it before.

Oh, look at Daniel's little face.

I didn't know that was coming, man.

I did not know that was coming.

But he did.

Right in the back of the throat, that did.

Fully spoon fed it to himself.

Do you know what?

I think we've had the same guy.

I bet he put that spoon back in the drawer as well, didn't he?

Oh, no.

Oh, my God, that's just reminding me of something.

Oh, no.

What did it remind you of?

What have you done?

What about all the teaspoons in my house?

Oh, God.

What have you done with them all?

What have you done with these spoons?

They were all used at some point to spoon my partner's ashes into some necklaces.

So any teaspoons you use in my house probably have my dead boyfriend on them.

Oh, God.

Well, I'm not having any more cups of teas at your house.

Good God.

Brilliant.

Absolutely not.

Thanks.

Yeah, I don't mind that one so much.

I love you, but I don't want to share that much with you.

But cheers.

Thanks anyway.

I can say all of our teaspoons here are definitely sanitary.

I have not stuck them in any places they should not be.

Oh, if I find the using it in the cat food tin, it goes in the bin.

I'm like, nope, that's not going in my tea.

I have a guy actually talking with cat food.

I have a guy that eats cat food on cam for me.

That is so bad.

He dresses up as a sissy.

He pours beans over his head and he eats cat food whilst he's wanking.

And it's fucking hilarious.

Men will literally do anything to come.

Yeah, absolutely anything.

Yeah.

I had a guy quite recently in the bath and he did a load of splashing.

You know what splashing is, Dan?

Yeah.

What is it?

When you splashy splashy in the bathtub.

No, it is messy, messy food play.

And do you know what?

I think they're one of my favorite sessions to do online because they're so funny and entertaining.

You're not just sat there watching them wank their dicks off.

I do hear you cackling when you're doing one of those.

Absolutely fucking howling.

Howling.

I absolutely love it when someone's getting all messy.

And then they're just covered and it's like tarpauling everywhere.

It looks like a scene at a Dexter.

And they're just there wanking into ice cream jelly and all sorts.

And you're like, it's not the kind of kid's party.

I thought it was attending.

Definitely a first world kink though, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah.

If you pour as to price beans, can you imagine?

Crying, watching wank over your 18p trifle.

That was my dinner.

Now eat it.

I suppose, no, it depends.

They could eat it afterwards.

Make them comment it first and eat it though.

Yeah, I've done that many times.

Cummin jelly.

That's what's happening at your birthday party next year.

Cummin jelly.

I was inviting you.

No, I can't handle any of that sort of stuff.

Yeah, you're not very good with the old bodily fluids, are you?

Not really.

You're a very hygienic person.

Do you know what body fluids don't really...

I'm not really...

Yeah, you're not really bothered about bodily fluids, are you?

No, I do a lot of spitting at people.

Like, I really enjoy that.

I find that like...

I enjoy that, but if I was to have that done to myself, I'd know.

Yeah, I'd have a meltdown.

I'm like, no, spit.

I used to love it, but that's when I was more submissive, and now I'm like, don't fucking spit on me.

Well, no one ever really spits on me.

I don't know what's been in your mouth.

You've got five breath, piss off.

Yeah, no one really spits on me, and I don't think anyone would ever try and dare spit on me, so it's not been a problem, but yeah, I'm always spitting.

Random sentence.

Yeah, nobody really ever spits on me.

Yeah, it's just not really something I do.

But I spit on a lot of people, and do you know what?

It really shocks them, and I love seeing it, like, because generally we agree the terms, I always say, do you like face slapping?

Do you like spitting and stuff?

But when you actually go to do it in a session, it's so degrading.

They don't expect it.

So I always do a spit and a face slap.

I just absolutely love spitting and face slapping.

It's just so degrading for them, and it takes them straight away by surprise.

And they're like, oh, she means fucking business now.

Because I go in there with all nice and like, hi, yeah, how you doing?

We're settling in, and we're getting into the scene and stuff.

And then straight off the bat, they're like, oh.

Because they just think, oh, she's...

I can imagine that being quite horrifying.

Oh, really sexy, depending on what you like.

Sure, yeah.

Not everyone gets off on a cup of tea in a backstroke, all right?

Betty in the corner there.

Little Clive the Cyclops, calm down.

If you're goodbye, I'll rub your eye later.

I don't want you touching me.

And it's not pink eye, by the way, just before anyone asks.

It might be.

Maybe I farted on your pillow.

Just one eye.

The man told me.

He told me what it was, yeah.

Told you you've got blepharitis.

Yeah.

No, I'll pour you.

He said it's a shame because you're very handsome other than that.

No, he did not.

He did in my head.

I feel like you have a lot of conversations like this in your own head.

Yeah, yeah, I do.

I suppose you have to, really.

Because the discussions I have with you are normally foul.

Well, it depends.

Perspective, isn't it?

Some people might really enjoy them.

From my perspective, the conversations I have with you are foul.

You're just a boring old bagpuss, though.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

We have a lot going on, don't we?

So we're like ships in the night sometimes.

Yeah, sometimes.

Yeah.

Not all the time, though.

No, no, no, no, no.

Now let me piss on your dick.

Oh, that piqued his interest.

Hey, that caught you off guard.

I was like, I was just thinking, I'm about to get in the shower.

I am disgusting.

I think you would.

I think you'd go for that, wouldn't you?

No, absolutely I wouldn't.

If I said, I want to piss on your dick.

Yeah.

Is that something you can do?

Can you aim that well?

Yeah.

I've also got a funnel.

Piss whilst you're fucking them.

Yeah.

No, I just sit on them and piss.

Like, yeah.

Yeah.

Do a lot of toilet play, actually.

I've got a toilet box that says public toilet on it, and I get them to hold the sign.

I did that on Monday when I filmed.

I had a slave and he had to hold this public toilet sign.

He had to hold a funnel.

He had to hold a funnel in his mouth and had his piss.

But sometimes your piss does go everywhere.

And I was standing above.

Sometimes you just can't aim it.

Does it not come out like a split fire hose?

Sometimes when I piss, I don't know how, like you aim it straight down, but sometimes it will go up my fucking leg.

And when I'm on the toilet, and I'm like, mate, what are you doing?

Yeah, we go up to the side.

Men don't realize how lucky they are that they can aim like this.

I don't want anybody pissing anywhere near me now.

Thank you.

I'll come on just a little bit.

What's a little piss between partners?

I haven't drunk any water today, so it'll probably be really nice and yellow and cloudy.

You know when you have one of those dehydrated days.

This is why you have one imaginary friend.

And on that note, I really need a piss.

Can we go?

Very much so, unless there's anything else you want to talk about.

What are your thoughts?

Okay, I'm going for a wee.

You can carry this shit on.

I'm going for a wee.

That's it from us, ladies and perverts.

Thank you so much for joining us again.

Again if you want to follow The Countess Coco, it is TheCountessCoco, the last O is a zero over on Twitter.

What's our call to action?

What do you mean?

What do you want people to do?

You want to click on what?

You want to let me go to the fucking toilet.

This is my kink, so can I go to the toilet please, daddy?

What do I want people to do?

I want people to come with questions.

Mommy, please, can I have them?

Oh, that's right.

You wanted a load of questions sent in your way so you could do a podcast on it.

People who want to come and do an interview, get in touch.

We've already had a few requests.

Get following, get liking, get subscribing.

All of the good stuff.

Can I just clarify what kind of questions is it you want?

Is it like agony aren't questions?

Any.

Any.

Just give it to us.

What's your favorite number?

Yeah, why not?

Okay.

No, that's yours.

Mine is two, fourteen, and I'm quite partial to an eighteen.

I like gandall numbers.

It's a repetitive numbers.

How do you?

God, we're so interesting, aren't we?

Yeah.

Eleven, three, two, three, six.

Oh, nine, nine, nine.

Love a good number.

Yeah, a repetitive number.

Makes me a bit wet.

Do you know what six point nine is?

No.

A beautiful thing ruined by a period.

Definitely not.

Let's get out of here.

See you later, guys.

I pissed myself.