Episode 02/04: Dark Side of Kink

Bit of a dark one here fans. In this weeks episode we delve deep into the dark abyss of the kink world. We chat about the ups and downs of the Dominatrix world, discussing subs, dommes, masters, BDSM, the online drama that follows the lifestyle and how it effects those living it. Oh, and their whimsical 'other halfs' Follow us over on Twitter to stay ahead of the game, MP runs the show on there, it gives me a headache. xo

Welcome, welcome to another brand new episode from me, Dan Vandal, and her...

Miss Plays and Candie...

.

on My wife is a DOMINATRIX.

We're smashing another one in.

I know, we're already going for it, aren't we?

Also, I've got this button.

Ready for this?

Welcome, ladies and perverts, to the My Wife is a DOMINATRIX podcast.

Coming to you from a dimly lit dungeon somewhere in the UK, with your hosts, Dan Vandal and his very demanding wife, MP, a real life dick punching DOMINATRIX.

What's the weirdest thing a DOMINATRIX has ever been asked to do?

I wonder.

Have you ever dreamed of?

I've said enough of that shit.

You know.

I'm trying not to laugh because I've had face threads put in and I cannot move my face very much.

Yeah, that's a treat.

That's been delightful.

Honestly, I feel like I haven't stopped smiling.

It feels that sort of pain.

That's the funny thing.

That's the cherry on top of all this.

Your face hurts from smiling.

Yeah, but it's not actually smiling.

Like they've lifted my cheeks up and I'm like, oh, but I haven't smiled.

Yeah.

The things we do, part of the Dark Side, which is what we're going to be talking about today.

There's the episode title, The Dark Side.

And it's not like the fun Dark Side.

It's not like, oh, look at this in my inbox.

It's the actual Dark Side of BDSM.

Yeah.

Well, not so much BDSM, but the scene involved with the BDSM.

BDSM, correct?

Yeah.

There's no real Dark Side to BDSM, right?

It depends who you're playing with, I guess.

Yeah.

It depends what you're kink and what you're into.

And you know what you might not consider dark and bad.

Someone else might be like, oh, fuck no.

Oh, like age play.

Yeah.

Oh, race play.

Oh.

Does that come with BDSM?

Yeah, they're world kinks, fetishes.

You know, it's all part of the triangle.

The triangle.

The triangle.

So yeah, everyone's in the triangle.

You know, you've got consenting, non-consenting.

You've got like consensual rape, things like, you know, scenarios and scenes that, you know, a vanilla or normal people might be like, Oh my God, that's a bit much.

But people in the scene are like, Oh, well, if they're consenting, it's fine.

Different strokes, different folks.

Yeah, I don't really have an opinion on it.

No, I have lots though.

I don't know why.

Why do I have lots?

I don't know why I don't.

I suppose because you're not really in it.

So unless you're in it, like I'm in the thick of it.

You're so far sort of removed from it.

I'm not though, am I?

No, but you don't have to.

I'm like the upstairs tenant, let's be honest.

Okay, but you're-

In this block of fucking crazy flats, I live upstairs.

Yeah, but you walk around with your headphones on most of the time.

For a reason.

Yeah, so it doesn't really impact you as much.

It only impacts you when I come home and I'm-

Unloading all over me.

You fucking wish, pal.

Unloading your day all over me, I mean.

Well, people unload on me physically, mentally, emotionally every day.

That's foul.

You've got to take some of the excess.

Take it.

Not a chance, pal.

Good boy.

So yeah, I don't-

Yeah, maybe that's why I don't-

I want to say I don't give a shit, but you know what I mean?

I don't-

You're so caring, I can see why I'm with you, a man of many qualities.

No, I mean, I don't give a shit about what people do in their own lives with their sexuality.

I doesn't-

Yeah, I don't think any-

Well, as long as it's not hurting anyone.

As long as you're not like fucking a chicken or something or, you know, it's cool.

I mean, like any animal, not just a chicken, like any animal.

Specifically-

A chicken.

It's only got one hole.

What's it called, a cloaca?

Cloa-

cloa-

cloacal?

cloaca?

Something like that.

Tell us.

So I am currently off work for the first time in, I don't know, like four and a half years.

I got to a point last week where I've had enough.

I've had enough.

I am addicted to my social medias.

I'm constantly checking my phones, constantly comparing myself to others, feeling crap about myself.

I'm not taking enough time out for just me and work and Kink, and everything has basically taken over my life.

And it's got a bit bloody much.

I know it's impossible to believe for a lot of the listeners right now, because they all know how much I big you up.

But surprisingly, yeah, you've had a bit of a bad one, haven't you?

Yeah.

My mental health is shot to pieces.

Yeah.

And you've never been fully switched on as it is, right?

Hilarious.

Do you know what, though?

I think most people that have got fetishes, kinks, things like that, I think we're all a bit, you know, we're all suffering from some sort of trauma or some sort of chemical imbalance or like adrenaline seeking thing.

And that's what makes us different.

I think everyone who's into some sort of thing that isn't the norm, we're all, you know, we're all touched with a little bit of special.

I don't know.

I don't know about this.

This is where I differ, I think that everybody has got something, some sort of kink that they like, but don't feel the need to celebrate it in with others in a group setting and so on and so forth.

I think there's so much of it goes on at home that you don't know about.

Every couple must have something going on.

Some people really don't.

If you don't, I can tell you why you don't.

I even know the answer as to why you don't have stuff going on.

They do, but they don't tell the partners because of fear of being judged and that to me is mind blowing.

Why?

Because it tends to be like your fellow, the fellow you're sat next to right now while you're listening to this podcast.

Jade, if you're in the car next to your boyfriend right now, your fellow will genuinely do almost anything you want him to do in the bedroom.

Anything and you can write down the most depraved nasty shit that you want to do and hand it to your fellow and your fellow will be like, yeah, all right, if that's what you're into, yeah, I'm well up to doing whatever you want to do.

Really?

Yeah, I promise you, fellows are only as disgusting as they think they can get away with.

So if he thinks that you're the kind of girl that doesn't swallow, then it's just okay.

Is that guy logic?

Is it?

That's what I promise you.

I promise you.

Yeah, but on the other foot, a man who's like, hey, baby, I want to wear your clothes and look like you're fucking what?

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

That's what I mean.

That's what I mean.

When I say fellows are only as disgusting as they think they can get away with.

So fellows are just fucking disgusting, is what we're saying.

Most of us would hump the character if we left it alone long enough.

Can you hump the inflatable couch that I'm now purchasing?

Because apparently I like that now.

You said, you said, Dan, if I had a kink, then I would share it with you.

Sweetheart, that was your thing and that is something you wanted to accomplish.

And yeah, 100% it would bother me.

I wouldn't bother me one iota.

That's your thing.

Couldn't care less.

I love that for us.

On next week's show.

But if your fetish was being spanked and spat on or something, then tell your fella, he'll do it.

Okay, but some people's fetishes are a lot more deeper or a lot more.

You know, a lot more.

Some people are uncomfortable with things like that.

So then they come to see me.

Hey, hello.

What did you watch in the porno?

And then, yeah, so I've been just, do you know what?

If I was just doing sessions or if I was just doing online, if I wasn't doing all of it, I'd probably be less overwhelmed.

But I am spinning so many plates so many times.

On top of all of that, I've got events.

I'm living my life trying to be a person outside of all of this and be your partner and a cat mom.

And I've got lots of plates that I'm spinning and people don't realize that.

People just text me when they're horny and they're like, how I pay it?

Our social life is nonstop.

Yeah.

And it's, do you know what?

It's really hard to juggle it all.

And the thing about being a professional DOM as well is it has become my life and I love my stable daily.

But it has taken over my life, it has.

And every day I open my phone, it is pornography.

And when you start looking at pornography every single day, even if you're not meaning to, you're scrolling on the timeline, you're doing your business, you're doing that, you're still seeing things that, you know.

Oh yeah, your timeline is disgusting.

Yeah, absolutely disgusting.

And most of the time, I love it.

I'm like, oh, look at that.

Where's that fist going?

She's wearing him like a puppet.

Look, I love that.

I love that, but not at eight o'clock in the morning sometimes.

And you do, you pick up your phone, you're like, oh.

Well, isn't the answer to not scroll on Twitter at eight o'clock in the morning.

No, I know.

But sometimes you just get caught up.

You're just like, oh, I'm going to check these emails.

I'm going to check how many clips are sold overnight.

I'm going to click a link.

And then you're there, wham, bam, asshole in your face.

But it's just it's relentless because you just get sucked up into it.

You do.

And looking at hardcore pornography and doing hardcore pornography, you know, it does take a real big toll on your mental health.

Yeah, because it's not your normal, is it?

I can't go to Sharon School Mom 37 from Paul and say, Hello, Sharon.

When she's like, how's your wheat bean?

Yeah, great.

I fisted a man.

I put my arm right up him like he was coughing.

I pissed in a man's face.

I made a man fucking apple pie.

It's not you can't and it's really hard to offload sometimes because you don't have to be honest.

You could just have that conversation and then you'll probably find you're a nice group of mates at the end of this.

Every time somebody says, how are you?

Just unload, just unload all that stuff.

Yeah, the ones that stick around, they'll be sound.

We'll be hanging out with them every weekend, man's mouth.

It was delicious.

Like, do you know what I mean?

Like where where where do you go with this?

Like social experiment coming up.

Oh my God, they were lucky.

Just gonna have to start hanging around outside local schools is the only problem.

So strange.

No, thanks.

But dressed as a schoolgirl.

That'll be someone's kink.

Yeah, it's just and it do you know what?

It's also really lonely.

People don't talk about how lonely it can be sometimes because when you're professional, like, you know, like if you go into the office, you've got your colleagues and stuff.

When you sort of pro-domin, you don't.

If you're stable, which are really nice, and you have your clients, and you have the people that pop in, like maybe once a year and stuff, and you have a little catch up, and you sort of like a therapist as well for some of them.

But you don't really have any work colleagues as such, and you're like, oh, who do I talk to about what happened today and stuff?

And it's really nice when you meet other-

I know, but like you haven't been through the trenches.

You don't know.

You haven't experienced it firsthand.

You haven't got a butt plug stuck in someone.

You haven't lost a sound in a prostate.

You just haven't a prostate.

You don't lose a sound there.

That's a weird one.

But yeah, like it's just, you know, it's a hard one.

And I see a therapist every Wednesday and she knows what I do.

Yeah, we don't talk about it in depth.

Like, I feel like there needs to be someone that's like a kink therapist, like a specific kink therapist that I can unload on to.

There you go.

There's my new calling.

I am going to become the kink therapist.

Could you imagine?

I feel like this should be some sexy role play now.

It will.

Someone will be like, could you wear those glasses for me?

Could you wear those stockings, those Walfords?

But yeah, no, it's a weird one because people don't, people just see the money and they see the popularity and they see all this.

And they think, oh, this is quick.

This is easy.

This is, I can make some quick bucks from this, but they don't realize the ramifications of it all.

Like your content that I've got is still probably going to be up there when I'm like 60 years old.

Unfortunately, that's social media for you.

You've got to be ballsy.

If you're going in there, don't go and do things that you don't want to see or you don't want your family to see.

I've been really open with everyone.

And even if I wasn't with you, I would continue to still be open with everyone if I ever, if you ever died or anything like that.

And I had to meet someone else.

If there was a gun pointed to my head and they made me, you know, I'd still be like, I wouldn't ever be able to be with someone that wouldn't allow me to be a DOM or like wouldn't like that in their partner sort of thing.

So yeah, I suppose that would limit my pool.

But I don't think it would.

Just a pool of perverts, could you imagine?

But yeah, it's just there's a lot of dark sides to it.

You know, there's a lot of bullying.

There's a lot of trolling.

There's a lot of people stealing my content.

There is just catfishes, catfishes.

It's just crazy.

And people just don't really seem to talk about it.

There's a lot of arguments as well, like go on go arguments like you said, no, not those ones, not sexy catfights, not sexy catfights, but like proper girls just tearing one out of each other.

I've seen some of that stuff.

And it's just a bit mental.

Like there are enough perverts for everyone, but even though I am really well established and I've been doing this a long time now, I still get that comparing bug.

I'll look at someone and think, oh God, why am I not doing as well as them?

Oh God.

And then I think, yeah, it's all fucking bullshit.

Yeah, it depends on what your comparison or you're comparing, though.

If you're just comparing who gets the most likes on Twitter, then no offence.

That doesn't...

I think you need to have a look at yourself, because that doesn't equate to doing well.

No, or business.

But people do.

But people do.

They do.

They feel, start to feel like, oh, I'm doing everything wrong.

That's insane, man.

Yeah, but it's insane to you because you don't live that.

That's not your job.

Your job isn't to be out there in social media, to put yourself out there, to have people like you, which then translate into business.

You don't understand that side.

Yeah, but regardless, regardless, that doesn't, the amount of likes you get on Twitter does not equate to how good you are at what you do.

And then, I suppose it becomes the validation.

You're like, oh God, people don't like what I'm doing.

Like it's that sort of validation for a lot of people.

And it gets addictive.

And it does.

Even if, you know, you set time aside and you're like, you do, you find yourself slipping into work mode when you're at home, scrolling through your phone.

And someone's like, hello, can I do a little cam show for you where I stick my dick in a, oh my God, this is one I had the other day.

Can I stick my dick in a sock full of honey and masturbate for you?

And I was like, okay.

Well, and manuka honey, that'd be worth expensive.

I don't think it was manuka honey.

Manuka honey is manuka, isn't it?

It's one of the two.

Manuka honey.

Manuka honey.

Either way, that's, that's expensive.

That's a first world kink, that one, isn't it?

How do you wash the honey away?

It would have to be warm water, wouldn't it?

Or a willing canine.

Oh, no, that is not okay.

Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.

What about a grizzly brown bear?

Disgusting.

So yeah.

And then he's like, oh, I'll send you some money.

And you're like, oh yeah, all right.

Then it will.

And then you just do a quick, you do a quick video call and then someone else pops up and you just, you find yourself slipping into work again.

And you do.

And then you just get caught up talking to people again and you're like, oh God, and you just don't switch off.

You don't switch off and you become that person that you are in scenes.

You do find yourself more and more.

It's not like an act, but obviously when I'm in a heightened in a session, I'm heightened to kinks and fetishes and things like that.

I don't go around all day with my tits out and nipple pasties and a whip and a cane, do I?

But everything's heightened when you're in a scene, when you're in the middle of a really intense thing.

So sometimes it can be really hard because we have to do aftercare as DOMs, like I'm always talking about.

But then sometimes as a DOM, you forget to aftercare yourself.

Yeah.

Yeah, I agree.

I completely agree.

And I've said that for years.

Yeah, I know.

I know, and you do, and you just don't ever switch off like people will contact you, like fucking three o'clock in the morning.

I have to put my phone on aeroplane because otherwise, remember, I used to get calls at like two, three o'clock in the night, and I'd be like, no.

Yeah, I think it's best to treat social media, especially if it's in a business context, then to use it as a promotional tool and you're just there to promote yourself.

And the rest of it is bullshit.

The drama and the arguments and stuff is not conducive to running a business.

So much of it.

I know.

It's rife.

But when it's not just a business and it is your lifestyle as well, it's really hard.

Yeah, but the social media is not your lifestyle.

Yeah, but it's just a promotional tool.

It enables you to connect with other people that are into the same lifestyle as you.

So it's natural that the two are going to leak into each other.

Yeah, but why does everybody then have to create drama?

I just think it's just the way of the keyboard warrior, the keyboard warrior.

Yeah, I just ignore.

People are so brave as well when they're behind a computer screen and a keyboard.

I would love some of these people to come up to my face and say all of the stuff like the amount of times people, but you've got to have a thick skin.

And I have got thicker and thicker skinned as well as thicker assed.

But you've got to have a thick skin for this.

And I am sensitive.

Yeah, I'm a really sensitive person, and I'm really empathetic.

And I don't mind saying that out loud.

And I don't have to pretend to be something I'm not.

Never have done.

I do me.

And not everyone likes it.

I'm not your traditional DOM.

I don't give a fuck.

I am me.

I attract what is good for me generally.

And where am I going with this?

Just talk about how great you are and that stuff.

No, I was just saying, you know, I do me.

And a lot of people don't like that.

A lot of people will hate on you.

A lot of people will troll you.

A lot of people will just give you shit for the way you look because I am not a size eight dark haired traditional DOMINATRIX.

I'm blonde.

I'm curvy.

I've got big tits, big bum, and I'm friendly and bubbly.

But I will fuck you up.

So I'm loud and proud, and I'm quite funny, whereas a lot of DOMINATRIXs can come across quite cold and harsh, but everyone's style is different.

And people will hate me for it, and I'll get so much shit for it.

And that's why it's important to do research on which DOMINATRIX you want to visit, right?

I mean, if people ask me specifically for a session that's strict in that, oh, you want to bet your bottom dollar I can do that very easily.

But if it's like your first time in that, I'm going to be like, hello.

I'm going to have a laugh.

Exactly, because it's meant to be a bit of fun.

I think people forget that.

It's meant to be fun.

It is, you know, at the end of the day, it's meant to give you sexual satisfaction.

I can't think of much worse.

You can't.

Can I put a little pup mask on you and put you in a cage?

Because you imagine a little butt plug, puppy tail.

Oh, girl, a little collar and everything.

Can we?

No, I'm good.

I'm busy that day.

Are you?

What day?

Haven't even told you.

You're telling lies.

Not for me.

But yeah, like I said, you need a really thick skin because and it's not it's not just the people on the Internet.

It's like your fellow DOMs.

It's people that you've met, like met through the scenes, parties and that.

And they're all talk smack about you.

They all talk shit about you.

And a lot of people will compare, like I've been guilty of it in the past, re-judging people and then realizing that actually they were really nice.

They just came across a bit of an asshole on the Internet.

Oh really?

Yeah.

And it's like, yeah, I suppose it's difficult to, like it depends on how you interpret the way somebody's speaking when you read a text message.

Yeah, it's crazy sometimes, like because I am a really blunt texter, like a really friendly.

Every one of your messages makes me think, oh, just fuck off.

You had everything in it full stop and the whole message with the full stop and I'm like, no, I'm not a kiss ever, like I shit off, pal.

I'm just, everyone's always like, you upset with me.

I'm like, no, I'm just really direct.

Just rude, yeah.

I'm not rude.

My therapist says I'm direct and assertive.

I don't see.

She means rude.

She does not.

She would tell me.

I'm going to say to her tomorrow, say, hey, you, am I rude?

And she'll be like, yes, actually, she'll be scared.

She'll say no.

Good.

I like them scared.

But yeah, it's just no one really talks about the dark side and how it can consume you.

And you'll meet people who you think are your friends and they're not.

Like I said last week, I used to be friends with a couple of girls and then did me over, good and dirty.

Yeah, some really shitty people.

Some really, really shitty people.

And then, you know, they're just use stuff, copy you, compare you, just talk shit about you to other people.

And subs as well.

Subs will talk shit about you to other DOMs and yeah, subs will go to other DOMs and talk smack about you.

And you're like, come on now.

And a lot of them will try and play you off against each other or like try and haggle a deal and stuff like it's a car boot.

It's crazy.

The amount of bad things I've heard about other DOMs, but I just take it with a pinch of salt because unless I've seen it, then I'm not going to believe it because it's just hearsay.

And every, you know, there's some people with like really bad reputations in the scene and some of them are absolutely lovely.

And I'm like, what?

Really?

And it just takes like one bad egg to spread a load of rumors and to just Chinese whisper.

And then, you know, that person's, well, you know, the region, the tainted side, it just, it just doesn't get spoken about enough.

Like we all pretend that we're like a big happy family.

Look at this community.

Yeah, man.

I'll tell you what, though.

I'll tell you one thing.

One good thing that I don't ever notice the sense of community.

No, I don't.

That's wrong.

The place I've noticed the sense of community the most is at Birmingham Bazaar Bazaar.

Yeah, and Bitches Unleashed.

I've not been there.

I know.

But that's when people come together.

The events are when people come together.

Yeah, but it genuinely feels like a big group of mates.

Everyone seems to know each other and everyone gets on and there's no dickish behavior.

But the dark side of this is this year, people are having to cancel events because not enough people are buying tickets and not enough people are coming.

And if we don't use these events and we don't use these spaces, they will go.

And then the kink will go even underground, like even more underground, it would get even more unsafe, more seedy, more lonely, more people don't realize this.

If you don't use it, you're going to fucking lose it.

This is sort of why we started doing this podcast, right?

Not because of it was just such a funny story, but because it's not normalized.

It's not really spoken about ever.

And we speak very freely about it with everybody we meet.

And it's so normal to lots of people.

Yeah, hence what we're doing now.

I know, and people are so shocked.

And they're like, what do you do for trouble?

And I'm like, I'm a DOMINATRIX.

They're like, well, I mean, yeah, it's a bit like, oh, it's a bit crazy and stuff.

But it's still a job at the end of the day.

And lots of people have it as their lifestyle.

Like, it should be something that we talk about.

Like, there's so many clip sites out there that people are selling their clips and stuff on.

Like, people will talk about porn and all this.

And that's all right, and like male and female freesomes and stuff.

And that's fine.

And you know, that's fine.

But when you get into the kink side of stuff, people are like, oh, what's that?

It's just another aspect of it all.

Like, the more we talk about it, the less it will be dark and scary and lonely.

And the more we can get people coming to events and have their eyes open and have these really good experiences.

Like, because you won't know unless you try it.

Obviously, some things are not going to be some people's cup of tea.

And that is absolutely fine.

But if you go through your life and you don't try these things, you'll never know.

I get 85 year old men asking me to bum them because that's something they've always wanted to try.

But back in the day, getting bummed was not OK.

Whereas now everyone's like, yeah, bumming, pegging.

Like pegging is like one of the number one things to sell on Pornhub.

Pegging is fashionable now, isn't it?

And so is sissies and things like that and feminine transformations.

And that's in fashion now.

Whereas before it would be like caning or whipping and things come back into fashion.

And the kids of today, they're like, yeah, I love pegging.

I like to finger up my bum.

And they aren't more open about it.

I was like a cool dude.

I've got to start doing these accents.

I don't know why.

No one booked me.

Because once I had to do a farting clip as Fifi, the French maid, it did not sell well.

My French accent was not convincing.

Can I fart in French?

Well, what were you just saying?

I lost track then.

I was just saying, like, we should try and normalize it a little bit more.

Obviously, protect the children.

Let's protect the children by all costs.

The kids don't need to know.

If you're under 16, you don't need to know about this stuff.

But once you get to 16, like, do a bit of exploring legally, consensually.

If we talk about these things more and more openly, then it wouldn't be such a dirty secret.

People wouldn't be so ashamed.

People wouldn't have to hide things from loved ones.

Do you think that some of the problem might be that the kink community treats it like it's such a secret all the time?

Some do.

The majority do.

Like it's always like a gatekeeper elusive club.

You can't do this or be this or come here or go there.

If they dropped all that bullshit, then this seem to be so much bigger.

It would be bigger, but would it be better?

Quality, not quantity sometimes.

Yeah, but he's letting them in now.

I don't know.

I'm not the gatekeeper.

Look at all the dramas going on now.

Welcome to the kink gate.

Have you been a good boy?

Come on through.

Even for a penny, even for a pound, you just can't let a few through, and then they fuck everything up for everybody else.

And everyone else is still trying to keep everything a secret.

I don't think it's so much a secret.

I think just everyone is on our asses right now.

You have credit card companies.

You have the Bible lot.

You have the people in America that are lobbying against porn and sex workers.

Because it is sex work.

You can dress up however you like.

The fanciest of hand drops, Bridgerton.

A Bridgerton blow drop.

Not from me, obviously.

I'm not giving a Bridgerton pleasure.

Oh my god, you could do an afternoon themed tea of Bridgerton blow drops.

I could get them to dress up as Bridgerton characters and give a spectacular sexual experience.

We could have cucumber sandwiches and croquet on the lawn.

Oh, we could.

But yeah, I think I can't remember what we're saying again.

I think, yeah, it's treated too much like a secret club.

And it's not spoken about enough.

No.

The end.

I would say, yeah, there's so many people campaigning and lobbying against us that, you know, I feel like we are secretive and we are small because we are trying to protect ourselves.

So I get it from that cat, Meow.

I get it from both sides of the argument.

Like I get why people want to protect it and stuff, because there's been some stuff that's gone out virally, and it's really unsafe practices.

And it just makes us look like dog shit.

There was a girl, she set a sub on fire.

Yeah, she wasn't.

She wasn't trained in fire.

I know.

And it was just mental.

And some people just give us such a bad rap.

And it doesn't matter.

She can be as famous as she wants, making all these millions.

That's great for her.

But I wouldn't want to be known as that for the rest of my life.

I don't want to do unsafe practices.

I don't know.

But that's personally me.

She can do what she likes.

And if the guy wants his second degree burns, then crack on, I guess.

I mean, that's mental.

I know.

Right.

That's mentally ill.

But so, yeah.

And I just think a lot of people look at us like, yeah, we are all trauma.

Trauma children or something's happened to us.

Or we're spicy in a different, you know, neuro spicy.

And there's such a big community.

And it would be really nice if people stopped prejudging all of the time, because it's exhausting.

And all these companies like lobbying against all these clip sites coming out.

Like people are adults.

We've got to take some personal responsibility.

Yeah.

And people don't.

That's the thing.

People are stupid.

People don't.

It's like porn addictions.

People like, I don't want my husband watching porn.

Your husband is a person in his own right.

Let him watch the goddamn porn.

It's his responsibility to whether he gets addicted or not.

Like gambling.

You have to take personal responsibility for things sometimes.

Always.

Exactly.

Like you do.

I have to take personal responsibility.

And you fuck up all the time.

Exactly.

So, you know, I just...

Life is not what it used to be.

The scene is not what it used to be.

It's not as busy.

It's full of time-wasting knobheads.

Can I name a few?

Yeah, actually, you can.

Because I've already made a beep button.

Because that last episode, I was having to beep bloody everything.

Oh, you didn't beep out the policeman bit, did you?

I think I probably bleeped out his children's name in his home address, though.

I would never...

No, I would never dox anyone like that.

No, I nearly got doxed.

You don't dox people.

I only use their Twitter handles.

Doxing is bad.

Doxing is super bad.

You can't do that.

Honestly, you cannot do that.

It's so unsafe.

Like, that's just a ridiculous thing as well.

Threatening.

I remember when I got threatened to be doxed.

Absolutely ridiculous.

You were in a fit of rage.

I was just so angry because I was like, everyone knows who I am.

Everybody knows me.

Everyone knows stuff about my life.

It's just the audacity, the gumption.

I was wandering around the house worrying that you were going to find out where this person lived.

Yeah, if anyone needed to worry, it was them.

Honestly, they call me a potato in latex as well.

What a bitch.

That always stuck with me as well.

Of all of the comments she said, she looks like potato in latex.

I didn't know she was funny.

Honestly, it was so funny.

She got her account banned so many times as well, which was even more hilarious.

So funny, this cat.

Meow, meow.

I can hear it in the headset.

Yeah, you can.

Or is it?

Is it a cat or is it a human in the cupboard?

Yeah, I'm just worried now.

A little bit of pet play.

Yeah, well, so Dark Side, huh?

Dark Side.

And you know what?

It's mentally, mentally taxing.

People don't realize.

Like, I am burnt out.

I'm burnt the fuck out.

We had Poison's Police Party, so this is the good side.

We've covered some Dark Side.

We're making like a dogshit sandwich.

So we had Poison's Police.

It was amazing.

We rented a house.

There was, I think it ended up being like 12, 13 of us.

We rented a big, big house.

It had a pool.

I had a hot tub.

My lovely, lovely sub Wednesday arranged it all, which was lovely.

And then everyone chips in 100 quid each for the weekend, which is, you know, it's just a good price, really.

Not bad for a weekend.

Not bad for a weekend.

And I, being the perfectionist, I was, I bought loads of decorations, I wanted to make it look like all Hawaiian and stuff.

Yeah, it was one of the subs birthday as well.

So we'd arranged a stripper for him, which ended up being hilarious, didn't it?

Was she naughty?

She was.

Well, she was meant to be a roly poly stripper.

And then they were like, oh, the roly poly lady can't come.

And we were like, oh, and then it was a kink lady.

Like, she was dressed as a police officer and she had a fisting glove and a balaclava.

A balaclava.

A balaclava.

A balaclava.

And then she had like all the cream and then she fingered his bum, made her eat a banana out of a pussy and all sorts of things.

That was mental.

It was good.

She was very, very good.

It was hilarious.

She was an accomplished stripper, I think.

It was really funny.

And it was suited our party very, very well.

And do you know what it was?

It was an amazing weekend, wasn't it?

I got a bit stressed out trying to do all the decorations.

And so when I'm focusing on a task, I get really like, yeah, a bit stroppy, don't you?

Don't talk to me.

I'm a bit dropping.

I do.

I'm in the zone.

But after we'd got everything decorated and set up, it was really good.

Minus the wind, which was annoying.

That kept flapping these decorations down.

But I can't control everything.

And it was really good.

Do you know what?

We just socialized, we did some kinky games, didn't we?

We did some pool games as well.

I saw somebody get dragged around the pool by their bellend.

It wasn't the bellend.

We tied their balls up, put them on a lino, and I gave them, because they couldn't swim.

So they couldn't swim.

So we were like, right, we'll float and I'll pull your balls.

So you put, hold on, let me get this right.

So you put the fella on the lino in the pool, tied him around his balls, and then dragged him around the pool.

It's like swimming lessons, Kink style.

It's very funny.

And then I did it to the birthday boy as well afterwards, but he didn't get, he didn't have the lino.

He just had to get dragged across the pool.

Poor guy.

You did some games, didn't you?

Yeah, we did some beer pong.

Which you know what?

We did some drinking and everyone always frowns upon, like, drinking and playing and stuff.

But I think it depends on your circle and it depends on how much you had to drink.

Like I always-

And what kind of play?

Exactly.

Like, if it's going to be like hardcore, hardcore pay, then yeah, absolutely no beers.

Yeah.

But if it's like light hide fun like we were doing, like we were playing the darts game where if it landed on the wheel, then you'd have to have a different apparatus, like a butt plug or the zapper or the slub and dick hoopla.

Dick hoopla.

Yeah.

Well, we had to put it around.

Do you know what?

We had so much planned.

And in the end, we didn't get to do half of it because we always end up just having such a lot off that we forget to do the organized games.

So yeah, we had a nice buffet.

We had a nice buffet, a nice cheese board, and then we did some card games and stuff.

And do you know what?

It was amazing.

And that's the really good side of Kink is when you can come together.

We've got another one coming up in two weeks time at the castle.

Oh, crikey, is it?

And I've let them organize it this time, so I don't get strappy.

Oh yeah, you're on ban, aren't you?

You don't have to do anything this next one.

No, because I did lots last time.

Do you know what?

It was amazing.

And it made me really proud.

And I was like, I love this.

So I'm going to think I might maybe do an event.

I might start doing an event.

I don't know what yet, but yeah, it was just nice.

It was nice.

Everyone coming together, and it was good.

And everyone got on.

Everyone just chilled.

The vibes were cool.

And there was zero drama.

So it was really good.

There was drama because three cows escaped and they weren't by the trampoline.

The cows did get out and they were by the trampoline.

And then we had those people turn up and we thought they were the stripper and they weren't.

They were guests.

They were sitting in the place behind it or something.

And the sub was like, oh, you're the stripper.

And she was like, huh?

And that was an awkward conversation.

She turned up on a motorbike and we all assumed that she was a stripper.

I remember it was the exact same time the stripper was meant to turn up.

And he was like, yeah, come in this.

And I was like, Wednesday, that's not the stripper.

That's not the stripper, that's the guest from the other place.

And he was like, oh, God.

Do you think she grassed us up to the Airbnb host?

Yeah, probably.

Must have done.

Well, they were ringing when the stripper turned up.

I probably wanted to watch.

Voyeurism.

She did.

She whipped.

She whipped that birthday boy so hard and she'd never used a whip before, so.

I know, but he's hardcore.

He's fine.

He's a good boy.

He's lived to tell the tale.

He's a lunatic.

He's a lunatic.

He is an absolute lunatic.

Yeah.

So do you know what?

That you can have all this bad stuff going on, but as long as you've got your good stuff going on as well, it makes the world of difference and having that support group, it kicks ass, man.

It really, really does.

Yeah.

It makes the time between breakdowns longer.

Yeah.

Doesn't stop him from happening.

It just keeps the wolf from the door for a couple of weeks more.

But yeah, we have been talking about doing some eventy sort of things, haven't we?

And some DOMINATRIX eventy things, haven't we?

Some little breaks.

Little breaks.

Going on a little walking break or something.

With the girls.

Get bummed in the woods.

Teddy bear's picnic.

Yeah, doing some more socially sort of group eventy things with the DOM mates.

But not munch.

I don't want to call it a munch line.

And I don't want to call it like a play party.

Like somewhere in between.

I don't feel like there's much in between.

No, there isn't.

It's where you get to really sort of know people.

And if you want to play, then yeah, cool, play.

But yeah, if you don't, then don't.

Yeah, socialize.

Just drink beer and shut up.

Yeah, and just have a good time.

Don't be that weird single guy at the party that's watching everyone else fuck.

Get involved.

There is.

There's always that one guy.

No, there's always one guy.

Sometimes you get a couple and they're always wearing like a shirt.

Like they look like they're going to a business meeting.

They always turn up.

It doesn't matter if you're in like a swingers club or a fetish club or a nightclub.

You must get this one guy or two.

And they're just there in the shadows and they're just watching.

Maybe that's their thing.

They don't talk to anyone.

Maybe that's the kink.

You're like, you're right.

They're like, yeah.

And they just stand there.

They just come on their own.

Like that's a ballsy move.

Yeah, maybe they're voyeurs.

Yeah, but some of them do get kicked out because some of them are quite creepy.

Oh really?

Yeah.

Go on.

Politely.

Can you politely voyeur?

I don't know, they just get a bit like handsy and stuff as well, especially when they're not invited, like they don't know the rules and they cross the line sometimes or they make like really weird comments.

Yeah, like something.

Yeah, that's very uncomfortable.

I was doing a scene a little while back with my gang.

It'd be you and it was really funny because I didn't realize there was a guy stood in the corner and all the guys and girl.

We were doing this scene in the room.

And I didn't realize this.

I thought this guy had left and he wasn't and everyone was like, and they kept looking behind me and I was like, what the fuck's going on?

I turn behind, there's this guy and he's just smiling, watching.

And I'm like, hi, can you leave?

This is kind of a bit of an intimate moment between us.

So can you, you should say like, okay.

And then continue to try and look through the hole in the wall.

It's really weird.

Like we were all just, yeah, having a Batman, a group, a group play thing.

And then, yeah, and I couldn't figure out why I thought he'd already gone because he was there and he'd and we'd had a conversation and I thought and because I was so heavy in playing stuff, I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And they just carried on like, but they were awkward.

And I was like, something is off here, the vibe is off.

And they just kept looking behind me.

And I was like, I just could it couldn't make sense of what was going on.

And then look behind, he's right there just smiling away.

And I was like, oh, yeah, my man, can you leave?

Yeah, that's a bit weird, isn't it?

You get a lot of weird stuff happening in those clubs.

Yeah.

You've told me some bizarre stories.

Do you know that in one of the clubs, they have a fish, they have a fish tank.

Okay.

And I was thinking, fucking hell, the stuff that fish has seen, it's not just like a kink club, it's a swingers club, it's everything club that fish has seen.

No wonder it forgets every 10 seconds.

It's like, fucking hell, look at, oh, what's that?

Every 10 seconds.

Crikey.

Tell us some other stuff you've seen going on in these.

No, I shall not.

It's a secret.

Some of these crazy things.

No.

Well, you've just given us one.

I've seen people hold hands inside bumholes.

When I say people, I mean, me.

Like my hand and another girl's hand inside a person's butthole, and we're shaking hands or we're fisting together, you know, like ghosts.

Instead of making pottery, we're fisting assholes.

I don't know, is that the song for it?

I've never watched it.

Yeah, I don't need any more stories.

Oh, you just said you wanted it.

Check the time.

There's a guy that's at the events as well, which is hilarious.

And it got a bit dicey for a little while.

So he's the human toilet and he gets locked into this human toilet box.

But he's very picky about.

Hold on.

Hold on.

You're about to be gross, aren't you?

No, you are.

I know where you're going.

So wait, wait, wait.

Hold on.

So he's in the shower area of this event, and he brings his own toilet box, and he sits under the toilet box, completely naked with his head strapped into the box.

So he's, you know, and it's got toilet seat and everything on it, and his dick is locked away in chastity.

And then you sit on him and you do a wee-wee, not a poo-poo, just a wee-wee.

I don't know if he takes poo, but he loves a wee-wee.

But he's very fussy, because it can only be a lady's wee-wee.

Because one of the boys tried, and he was like, excuse me, excuse me.

I was like, sexist, that's sexist.

You've got to take all of the wee-wee.

That's very sexist, actually.

What would they do if it was a trans person?

You can't deny that, can you?

Get yourself in a right pickle.

I imagine your toilet suddenly started talking at you.

Unbelievable.

And then it got really fucking dicey, because he is the, like, resident.

He's made himself the resident toilet.

Made himself?

Self-appointed?

Yeah, toilet.

So he brings all his stuff, and he brings all the cleaning stuff.

Yeah, apparently, I don't know.

Someone else came up with their own toilet box, and they had their toilet box off.

And it caused, it actually caused drama.

What?

The other guy was like...

No, like, words were exchanged, and he was like, I cannot believe you've taken this golden champagne away from me.

And they were.

And the other guy was like, I bought my toilet box, and mine lights up.

The other guy had lights on his toilet box.

The other guy's toilet box was completely plain.

The other guy had lighter ones, and he went, I made a real special effort to put lights and stuff on mine, and barely anyone used me.

And he got...

And honestly, it was a complaint that was given to the owner of this event.

I swear on my life.

It's like when you see two ice cream vans in the same car park, giving each other ducats.

Yeah, I had to house Dom.

Honestly, jokes.

I had to house Dom for an event.

And there's only so many rooms in a place.

So we've got to be mindful at play parties and stuff.

You've got to be mindful that you're not hogging a space for ages and ages.

So I'm there, sat there with my crew, doing my thing.

I'm dungeon monitoring.

I'm looking at people doing scenes.

There's Shibari going on.

There's lots and lots of Shibari's role play.

There's lots and lots of bits and pieces going on.

My subs are being suspended, and I want to watch that.

Can you, for those that haven't been to one of these things, can you set the scene?

Okay, so it's a nightclub.

But like a swingers club, so there's like...

Oh, so dirty.

Like there's a bar.

There's like a stripper pole.

You wouldn't want to eat your roast dinner in there.

There's a pool table.

There's a maze full of glory holes.

There's a maze full of glory holes.

A maze of glory holes.

Yeah, like it's really dark, and you keep hitting your head everywhere, and then you just got to feel around for the dicks.

But they've upgraded it, because they've changed it.

It used to be one big room at the back, and now they changed it into two box rooms, which is weird.

They've refurbed it.

I wasn't expecting that, but it's okay.

Then it's got like a dungeon bit downstairs.

It's got some rooms as well for like individual play, and then they've got the orgy room, which is like a small colosseum-y looking type big round room where like groups and stuff go.

How big is this place?

Yeah, it's massive, like two, three floors.

Two, three floors.

And then downstairs is a pool, and a jacuzzi, and a sauna, and where they do photographs, and then the shower area or toilet, and then outside is a smoking bus.

So yeah, so it's, you know, it's quite a cool place.

It's quite a big club.

And then there's the fish, the poor fish that have seen everything.

The poor fish.

And so there's people in the big room, and they're always shared spaces unless someone's locked the door, or it's a small room, and people are like, sorry, we're playing.

We're in a scene.

The rule is never interrupt a scene unless you have to.

What is a scene?

Like playing.

Like someone is in a scene.

What is playing?

Like playing.

Like they're getting intimate.

Drafts?

No, not like a card.

You know, they're engaging in kink.

They're doing a kink based activity.

Like, I don't know.

Somebody's getting spanked.

Someone's getting spanked or someone's, yeah.

Yeah, they're playing.

They're playing.

So generally, you don't interrupt.

It's very rude.

You only interrupt if it's unsafe, unethical or, you know, and so she's going down.

And so I was sat on the couch watching a Shibari scene with my subs.

And that, you know, I've never seen this before because I find rope not difficult.

It's just not my cup of tea.

It's become very fashionable, and it's a beautiful art.

Boring is the word you're looking for.

Shibari is boring.

No, it's not because some people really love it.

You don't love it because you've got a tiny attention span.

A tiny what?

A tiny attention span.

And so do I.

We're both quite ADHD.

So for us, yeah, I just be like, by the time you've done your third knot, I'm good.

But a lot of people like it, it puts them into like a trance-like state, euphoric.

I was talking to somebody at the Palooza.

I can't remember whom.

And they were they were writing about how much he loved it.

Yeah, exactly.

So some people really like it.

And it's just different strokes, different folks.

Exactly.

So I'm going to charge this boring.

No, do you know what?

It's not that boring when it's suspended and stuff.

And you know, it can be.

It's beautiful.

It is beautiful.

The different patterns and stuff.

It is beautiful.

I went on a course and bless her.

She did teach me really, really well.

But I just yeah, it's not for me.

It's not for me.

I'm not the one.

Anyway, so I'm watching the Shibari scene, myself that and this person, this DOM keeps complaining about these other DOMs.

So you've got pro DOMs, you've got lifestyle DOMs.

So it's professional DOMINATRIX keeps coming in, interrupting my scene that I'm in because I'm participating in the Shibari.

You know, I'm tweaking nipples.

Yeah, I'm spinning them around.

I'm getting involved.

I'm doing my own scene.

But because I'm DMing, like I'm not I'm not in that room, but I'm DMing my own my own space.

I'm watching this thing.

I can't be everywhere at once.

And they just keep coming in and it's like the third time.

And so I go into this room where they're doing some.

Why do they keep coming in?

To complain that these people had been hogging the room.

They've been hogging the space.

They've been in there for like two and a half, three hours.

And like generally no more than two hours, please, like move on.

And these people doing an intense breath play scene in the orgy room.

So I'm like, look, I'm really, really sorry.

I went there quite politely.

I went, look, hello, I know that you're in the middle of this, but can I just remind you that this is a shared space?

I keep getting a few complaints that, you know, you're taking over the whole room and everything.

Can we just be mindful of everything?

You know, obviously finish up what you're doing.

But why are we whispering?

Because that's what I was doing because they were playing and blah, blah.

And then I came out and apparently that the two groups that were in there, they were fighting over this room or something.

They got into like real, real like drama, like they were showing each other and everything.

And then the people who I had politely gone up to went down to the owner and told them that I was drunk, which I wasn't.

I had been drinking.

I was drunk.

I was rude.

I was aggressive.

I was blah, blah, blah.

I interrupted a really intense breath scene play.

All of this made complain about me.

And I was like that none of that actually happened.

Just this is what happened.

I know.

And they had just made this interpretation on me because they were annoyed at me.

And it was just a big old drama ruined my night, ruined their night, ruined everybody's night where instead they could have just been polite.

And there was a whole lot of talking afterwards.

And we had to like negotiate and apologize to each other.

And because they were you shouldn't have interrupted a very intense breath scene that we're playing.

And I was like, firstly, do not do a very intense breath play scene in an orgy room.

If you want to go and do that, do it in a hotel room, go and do it in a dungeon or go and do it in a smaller, more intimate room where there's not lots of people around.

Yeah.

Safety first always like if people coming in and out losing concentrate, you know, you're not paying attention to stop watching.

No, things like that.

So in my eyes, I'm like, and you want to explain what breath play is quick for those people, like a bag of your head and they're trying to breathe or like you're you're cutting off various point, like you're holding the nose or smothering them or there's different loads of different ways to breath play.

And you can add in talks, which is like poppers and stuff to give a more lightheaded sensation.

But, you know, basically, breath play is playing with someone's breath.

Who'd have thought the idea for the name?

These two people just like fighting all night.

And it was just it was it was mayhem.

And it was just very, very annoying.

And I found it really hard because they were like, oh, she's doing this, she's doing that.

And I was like, actually, I've been told many, many times that you have been hogging this room, blah, blah, blah.

And so I did in the time what I thought was right.

But people take it so fucking seriously sometimes, like so fucking they were raging and they were screaming and shouting at me.

And I stayed calm, did have a little cry in the toilet afterwards.

I'm a bad bitch most of the time, but that really got to me.

It's because you were representing the place and you couldn't lose your rag.

Yeah, that's it.

I put my professional hat on.

Had I just been someone that I would have fucked.

And everything was fine.

And I still see them now.

And I'm like, hey, how's it with fine.

Everything.

It was all misinterpreted.

It was different perceptions.

Everyone will always have a different perception.

The other lady who kept coming to me, running to me and saying, oh, they're doing this got theirs got told off, like, but yeah, got me back to it.

You get the weirdest complaints and the weirdest dramas happen.

And like people are, I can't believe you've done that, that scene meant so much to us.

And I'm like, it's just fucking kink.

No one's died.

Well, they might have done had you not been concentrating on the replay.

No one's died.

It's not the end of the world.

Why are we having such fucking beef here?

Like, and it is and it does get so dramatic sometimes like the toilet standoff, the replay standoff, like, I really would like to have seen the suck a dick as well.

Some people like I didn't get a turn at sucking his dick.

Oh, sorry.

He's not performing.

Honestly, the people get so up about the weirdest things like, honestly, I had this guy and he was like, well, I was like, well, it's not my responsibility to find you a cock to suck, mate.

If you want to go and suck a cock, go and ask around, oh, yeah, but you're you're DMing.

And I said, yeah, I'm dungeon mastering for people who are playing.

I'm not preparing you a cock to suck my man.

Like what?

Honestly, oh, dear.

I think people do.

You've got a few people in your stable that would willingly help.

But no, honestly, it winds me up because people won't expect too much sometimes.

And to take it so fucking seriously.

And sometimes there is a place for seriousness.

It's not a thing.

Don't take it so hard, right?

But yeah, you can take something seriously.

That's fine.

But at the end of the day, it is just meant to be sexy, fun.

The end.

The end.

And it does.

And then going back to the dark stuff, people get.

And I'm guilty of it.

I've got so suck it in by some shit.

And I've let it take over.

And I'm like, fucking hell, all I need to do is turn my phone off.

Yeah.

See you later, alligators.

Not go to the dungeon.

I've said that for so long.

I know, but your head doesn't switch off.

No, but your phone does.

I know, but your head doesn't.

Those thoughts are still in there.

I can't just beep my brain off.

It doesn't work like that.

And not when you're so.

It's your every day.

I breathe, eat, live kink.

Yeah, so it's so hard sometimes to just be me to remember what my life is like.

Vanilla.

Yeah, I guess I don't really see my version of you unless, yeah, unless we're away, I think.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because even at home, especially if you've been DOMINATRIXing for the whole day, you'll come home and you're still her for a good few hours after you get back.

It takes time.

By which time I've normally...

Yeah, I've normally gone somewhere else.

Mentally checked out by then.

I sort of mentally checked out, I think, I think the last couple of weeks, minus the Pull Up Poisons Palouse party that was incredible, and I've had some actually really good sessions, to be honest, but I could feel it.

I could feel myself.

I could feel my body getting sore.

I could feel myself being really overwhelmed and my creativity just going like, you know, you just get like a writer's block, but a DOMINATRIX block.

Yeah, that makes sense.

I had like DOMINATRIX dick.

It was limp.

It wasn't working.

Help me.

I'm gonna start calling it.

I've got DOMINATRIX dick.

It's not limp.

It's not working.

It's plastic.

It's not real.

I'm sorry.

And it never feels as good as a real one.

No, true.

It doesn't.

No, as much as we'd love it to.

It doesn't.

Sorry.

Give me your God.

So yeah, that's where I'm at.

I'm pretty, pretty burnt out and people don't talk about it.

We like to pretend that we are machines, that we are goddesses, that we are worshipable.

And you know what?

Actually we're fucking human beings.

Yeah.

That's where a lot apparently.

I do swear a lot.

And you know what?

I've only started doing that more recently.

Have you?

What do I?

I don't know.

You've been hanging out with potty mouths.

No, I do.

I've noticed.

I swear quite a lot, especially in clips as well.

When I'm being filthy.

You're fucking, fucking, fucking is every other word.

And I'm like, God, have you got nothing better to say?

I think it's because I'm concentrating on the task so much.

I'm not concentrating.

And I talk a lot.

Well, yeah, evidently you listen back to this podcast.

I think I said about eight words.

Well, would you like to say some more?

What more words?

Yeah, go on then.

Yeah.

So we've got a segment that we've got bring back, haven't we?

And it is, open your inbox.

Oh, I need to open my inbox.

Yeah, you forgot, didn't you?

No, I'm not doing that today.

No, I'm not working.

Give me a funny story out of your inbox.

I don't care if you're working or not working.

No, I know, but I'm trying to not look at it.

Yeah, right.

I'm not.

The only reason I went on there was because it was Miguel's birthday.

Happy birthday, Miguel, you big slut.

Lovely Miguel, been with me three years.

Get this filthy inbox of yours out.

Let me have a look.

But then people will see if I'm in there.

I don't know.

Let me have a look.

I think I've got a cricket button here somewhere.

Oh, don't.

It's not even loading.

Look, I'm not even lying.

The pages aren't even loading.

There's nothing I can do.

You can work on it.

I'll work on it.

I'll work on it.

So we've got a new segment on here where we're going to read out they are.

Oh, here's one.

You're so cruel.

I'd love to argue you.

And then he put serve dot dot dot.

He went to put, you're so cruel.

You're so cruel.

I'd love to serve you.

But he put, you're so cruel.

I'd love to argue you.

And they said, Defo wouldn't want to argue.

And they put you are so beautiful.

Are you single?

And then he sent me someone else's post, when you're calm with your fat sissy cot sucking loser and he's so giddy, his own jizz, his mouth, which doesn't make any sense.

And it's basically a picture of him sucking a cock for another mistress.

And these put, please retweet and help expose.

Can I send you a photo of my face with my driving license?

What the fuck started off so nicely.

You're so cruel.

I'd love to argue with you.

No serve.

I wouldn't want to argue.

You're so beautiful.

No, I'm not.

Listen to the fucking podcast.

Someone put followed your podcat mistress.

Thank you for following my podcat, Stefano.

Yeah.

Thanks.

We've had a few follows and retweets and stuff.

I like this question.

The most Twitter.

Hi, miss.

Do you need slave?

Do you need slave?

Do you need slave?

There she goes with the accent.

I did not do anything of the sort.

No, thank you.

Well, that's quite good.

That's quite good.

Open your inbox.

Number one.

That's just number one.

That's all right.

Yeah.

And that was the you got that today?

That's mental.

So you get another one tomorrow?

Yeah, probably.

Oh, you have to keep the stockpiled in the moment.

Maybe we'll do like a part two where you just go for it.

There's so many messages on here.

I just can't open them.

I'm not allowed.

I'm not working.

Turn it back off now.

I don't want to know.

Look, I'm getting started.

Get out of it.

Oh, I'm going to be starring on the cover of Dark Side magazine, which is an online fetish kink magazine.

No way.

And the lovely Fran Kinsella.

I feel so special.

Thanks.

So Dark Side is an online fetish mag.

And I have a front cover.

You do?

You look well fit.

Thanks, baby.

And an interview.

And it's basically just a whole interview.

They sent me a load of questions.

I've answered them and put in some pictures.

Oh, I haven't proofread any of these answers.

I know.

So this is probably going to be our last podcast for us, because I think it's going to get cancelled.

Why?

I haven't proofread your thing.

You don't need to proofread my thing.

I'm a strong, independent woman.

You're a lunatic.

I am a lunatic.

I cannot be stopped.

I'm sure it's fine.

I'm sure it's fine.

And if anyone wants to purchase a copy, please go on to the Dark Side website.

Do it.

You should email them and ask them to give you a promo code to hand out over the podcast.

Well done, you.

Get themselves a little discount.

Be nice, wouldn't it, boys?

Why do you keep doing this voice all of the time?

Because it winds you up.

It really does.

It rouses you, doesn't it?

Shut up and read.

Right, I've got another segment that I thought we might do every episode.

Any segment I want is the chocolate orange segment.

You've not had dinner yet.

So in this segment, I'm going to go on Reddit.

I've already been on there.

I've found...

You OK?

Reddit.

What, Reddit?

It's just Reddit.

And we've found a question on here that somebody needs answering, and I thought I'd read it out and get an MP's response.

Here it is.

Sorry.

I am somewhat new to BDF's M as of a few months ago, so I made a profile on FetLife to meet people and find a local community.

Don reached out, and after talking for a day, I started to get vibes.

Bit weird ones.

He almost immediately asked me to start calling him Master, and that I was his slave.

He told me I needed to get his approval to go to Munchers.

He was also trying to dispense punishments for messing up his rules.

I pushed back on this because I told him I don't know him well enough.

However, he started to say things like he's my golden opportunity, and you're so lucky you found me after I just got out of a long-term DS dynamic.

He questioned my ability to sub multiple times because of my pushing back, and not just wanted to jump in someone else's rules straight away.

I feel like that should be earned with trust and time.

Should I just ditch this, or am I overreacting?

What do you think?

I'm really trying not to laugh because I don't want these threads to snap in my.

Face.

Do you know how common it is for girls to think this way about masters?

It's actually a lot because they do have this...

Not all masters, I'm not tiring them on the same brush, but they do.

They seem to think like they're God's gift and stuff.

Oh, you're never the golden...

No, the sub is the golden opportunity, my man, because you're getting to play and do these fantasies with a submissive, a lovely girl that is golden ticket.

Oh, fuck off, my man.

What is...

What?

There are so many dominant men out there.

He's the lucky one to have her, in my opinion, because female slaves actually...

Would it be right to say that there are some DOMINATRIXs that behave in the same manner?

Yeah, 100%, to be honest.

Yeah.

But it is a lot more...

Female DOMINATRIXs are probably more rare than dominant men.

Because in vanilla, it is more acceptable for a man to be dominant.

If you look at the movies, how many movies that are slightly mainstream have dominant men in them?

50 Shades of Grey.

Imagine if that was the other way around and it was a woman.

Do you think that would have been as big a hit?

Do you think people would be reading all the books and stuff about it?

No, because it's not mainstream.

I don't know, because there's been like two or three different television series on the subject.

But generally, when you see a DOMINATRIX portrayed in a movie, it's something to do with like the guy gets murdered or something, or it's a comedy, or it's that.

It's not like a Christian Grey, 50 Shades of Grey, sexy whole film about it, is it?

No, but then there wasn't one about it being the other way around until that film came out.

Yeah, there was.

There was the one with Maggie Gyllenhaal, the one where she's the secretary.

I don't know what that is.

The secretary.

Basically, it's a boss, a guy, and he's a boss, and she's the secretary, and he makes her do all this fucking weird submissive shit and stuff.

But like to the normal people.

And that was, yeah, it's like even more darker, kinkier.

50 Shades of Grey.

It's like the original.

But people are like, Oh, look at this lovely fit actor.

He makes like he makes her like wet herself and stuff in the secretary like, and she has to not have any food for three days.

Hold a bamboo pole up or something.

He does like locks her away and pretty, pretty naughty.

But anyway, I think it's a lot easier to come across, like for women, DOMINATRIX is obviously, I think it's a lot harder being a dominant man and charging people for that service because it's a lot rarer to have a dominant woman than it is to have a dominant man.

In the average relationship, you mean?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I think in the professional DOM world, as a female, generally, generally, they can have their pick of people that because a master, like that's in my view, though, I don't want to offend anyone.

If you're a straight female submissive.

That wants to have a male professional DOMINATRIX.

All over FetLife.

Professional DOMs?

No, just guys saying, Oh, I want to be a master.

I want to be a DOM.

I want to be this.

Master, that's what it's called.

How many professional masters are there?

I have no idea.

I'm not Google.

Like in comparison, you go to the events and stuff.

How many do you see?

Not a lot, but then that's not my bag.

I don't go to those sort of things.

Oh, do they go to separate events?

Yeah, they're not going to turn up to like Bitches Unleashed and stuff.

It's for dominant women, submissive men and women.

No one is listening.

It's about female empowerment.

Like DOMINATRIX is about being.

And you know what?

Generally, we don't really get on with masters because masters don't like to see us as equals and things like that.

But I've actually got a few friends who are in the scene who are masters, and they're quite sweet.

Really?

Yeah.

And generally, it's really funny.

At this point, I was just trying to figure out how many, like how many there was around on the scene.

I think there's loads.

On FetLife, like every other person is a DOM.

If you go to like a munch as well, a lot of my subs have told me that when they go, it's a lot of dominant men and submissive females.

That is a very big ratio of that.

And it's very rare that you get a submissive man and a dominant female.

Anyway, I feel like we're very off topic.

So anyway, I think he is having a fucking bananas, telling her that he is the gateway to this munch and all that like gatekeeping red flag, getting her to call him master straight away red flag.

She doesn't know the guy like it's submission is earned.

Do you know what I mean?

Like you can't can't just jump straight into it.

Yeah, it's just a massive red flag.

The whole thing is red flag and it makes me laugh.

Yeah, I thought it was very red, red flaggy.

I would run for the fucking hills.

That's not, yeah.

I'd rather be in an episode of Chainsaw Massacre instead of Chainsaw Massacist.

Chainsaw Massacist.

Can we do that?

That could be a spin-off.

Yeah, you could put that as one of your videos in your media production company.

That would be hilarious.

But yeah, that's a walking red flag.

Like aside from the doms that look like magicians.

You know, it's a trust thing.

Kink is a trust thing.

What we're doing is hardcore stuff.

So if you're caning, beating, whipping, spanking, any of that sort of stuff, you need to know someone.

You need to trust that they're going to respect your boundaries and limits and things like that.

And that guy straight off the bat is not.

The fact that he's gatekeeping, the fact that he's making out, he can block her from all of this things and stuff.

And yeah, it's just that's poor.

I thought it was a little unhinged.

It's unhinged as fuck.

Yeah.

So you'd recommend that.

Is that the way that you all knew DOM, master or whatever it was?

I'd say run for the fucking hills.

That's not for you.

Not for you.

No, get out of there.

How should he have been then?

What do you, how should he have approached or?

Yeah.

Got to know her on a personal level, treat her like a fucking human being.

Right.

Find out what she likes.

Don't just go in there with your demands.

Like she's obviously going to be batting against you because she doesn't trust you.

You've got, you know, it's just like any sort of other relationship.

You've got to know the person.

It's like when you're fucking, you don't go in there dry.

There's going to be a lot of friction and tension and someone's banjo string might snap.

And you're going to get the same thing if you're not lubing up lubing up your DS relationship.

You can't go in there all cold and horrid and stiff.

You've got to go in there nice and gently.

Warm her up.

If you're finished.

That was gross, wasn't it?

It's delightful.

But yeah, just treat them like human beings to start with.

And then if they want to do pet play, then you could treat them like a dog.

But yeah, massive, massive red flag.

I had a Reddit thing for you actually as a vanilla.

And I wanted your take on it.

Oh, really?

Are you ready?

Girl invited me over to help her weed her garden as a date.

Basically the title, haha, we matched on Tinder.

She's extremely pretty and we have a lot in common and I'm really interested in her.

She has some pictures of her gardening in a profile.

And I was asking her questions about it so that it didn't come out of nowhere.

The conversation was going really well.

So I asked if she wanted to get to know each other in person.

She said yes and asked if I wanted to come over and help her weed her garden.

I said haha as a first date and she responded saying yes, it's a relaxing activity to talk and get to know someone.

Plus she could really use some help as it's been raining a lot lately.

I honestly don't care what the first date is and don't mind weeding.

We'd happily do whatever to get a chance to spend some time with her.

I'm wondering if it's a red flag that she's asking me to help her with some sort of chore as a first date.

Okay.

You tell me.

I'm assuming these are older people.

No, I don't think so.

I bet you they are.

No, his username is brainsforbreakfast69.

Yeah, these got to be older people.

I don't know.

I think that's...

What do you want from me?

Do you think it's a red flag that she's asking him to help him with some sort of chore?

I think it's a green flag.

Why not?

Gardening for a first date.

That'd be fun.

I don't think it's a red flag at all.

But I tell you this.

I'd go if it was close.

But if I could be there within 15 minutes, I'd be like, yeah, why not?

Any further, I'm like, no.

He went day out of 15 minutes.

I would, just not like picking weeds out of your garden.

Oh, you'd want to think more extravagant.

Yeah, like there was a sandwich available.

I'd travel up to 30 minutes.

So if I offered, if I was like, hey, do you want to come weed in my garden?

Why are we whispering again?

I don't know, I was trying to be sexual.

Oh, okay.

I'll give you a lovely, lovely gluten free sandwich.

Is there such a thing?

Selfie celiac boy.

If you help me weed my garden.

And I lived 37 minutes away.

Unbelievable.

Hell no.

I'm not making that journey all the time.

37 minutes?

Wow, that's a really small pool.

Well, glad I met you quite locally, then.

Ridiculous.

Unreal.

I feel like our relationship is about to unravel.

Yeah.

We'll talk about this after this is finished.

Five out of the ten mile radius, that's it.

The only reason we are still together.

It's because you now live next door to me.

Just gonna live down the road.

Fuck you, man.

This is unbelievable.

You're just one walking red flag now.

Yeah, I hope you choke.

That's good though, isn't it?

I can't remember what I said.

You said don't date anyone if they're 15 minutes away.

If they're gonna chuck in a sandwich, you'll consider half an hour.

What a fucking catch.

What a fucking catch.

Also take some Johnny's.

What does it take to impress a DOMINATRIX?

Just gonna leave my garden.

How did we end up like this?

What was the right answer?

What should it have been?

Yeah, I think it's a really nice thing.

It's wholesome.

I don't think it's a really nice thing.

I think it's wholesome.

I think if you're above 60, then sure.

Well, because there's not that much else to do.

Yeah, what else are you gonna be doing?

Pegging.

Your dick may not work at 60, but mine will.

But no, I can't imagine somebody in their 20s being like, absolutely, I want to come and help you weed your garden.

What if weeding was the euphemism?

How long have they been getting on before this story?

I don't know, I didn't go into depth.

It was the first day.

Maybe if they got mad riz for the last few weeks or something.

What if she was testing him?

Then maybe go.

She's like, why don't you come over and weed my garden?

And he genuinely thinks that she's gonna...

Oh, like that crazy lady off that documentary that we watched.

Hang my curtains.

Yeah, do you want to hang my curtains?

My beef curtains.

Baby reindeer.

Baby reindeer beef flaps.

Is that what this is?

This is just like...

And she's like, I want you to weed my garden.

Weed my garden.

And it's actually her vagina.

And she put weed in my garden.

And she's actually got a water sports fetish.

Maybe that's what it is.

In that case, definitely don't go.

Why?

Can you weed my garden?

Yeah, sure, let me watch.

Don't weed on those, I like them.

I'm bored of talking to you and I'm hungry.

Okay, well, you better go and get yourself some dinner, love.

Get in the kitchen and make yourself a sandwich.

Get in the sandwich.

That was nearly really good, wasn't it?

I know, fucked it.

God damn it.

I was trying to do a sexism.

I was trying to do a sexism and I couldn't.

Stupid old woman.

Stupid woman.

Shut up before I stick my dick in your butt.

And in that bombshell, that's enough from me, definitely enough from her.

She hasn't stopped talking in this one.

I'm sorry, ladies and perverts, but we will catch you in the next episode, I don't know, in like a week-ish.

Ish.

Do you reckon?

I don't know, we're drumming up some more crap to talk about.

Yeah, fuck it.